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Here I am, at my desk, waiting until tomorrow morning when I can go to Holy Cross. Aside from all the sentimental stuff (for the lack of a better word) I can write, really, are a simple prayer and one lone observation. First the observation. A lot has happened to me over the past few years. I asked God for an inch and he gave me a mile, or make that 1,000,000,000… you get the point right? While I may fail to reach the perfection demanded by a perfect God, while like Peter I may leave other second guessing (and even myself), while the devil actively does all that he can to tear me apart from my Creator I know one thing. I will never lose faith, and certainly not hope. If my faith wasn’t strong enough for the mustard seeds I would have lost in long before now. I learned a lot about faith, hope, and love. The most important thing I learned to do is hold on, when life starts whipping you back and forth, you hold on to what you have, the sincere belief in an all powerful God, and you will come out the victor. One verse I especially feel is pertinent to this post is Romans 8:38-39 “Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” Key word there, nothing, nothing can separate us from God’s love; nothing can cause God to give us up. Now for the prayer. Lord, I just want to take this time to thank you for everything that I have. Not just the “stuff” and material things, but bigger things too. Thanks for my family, my dad, and also my mom whom I never thank enough for all she does for me. Thanks for my sisters, and my dogs too. Thank you for being there when I needed you, and even when I didn’t realize my need for your presence. Thank you for getting me here, thanks for giving me faith, hope, and love, all of which I needed and still need. I don’t ask for fame or fortune in my life, no, instead I ask that over the next four years, and years to come, that I grow in my faith, become more like you, and walk in your footsteps. More than anything else Lord, of my life I want it to be said that I followed You, please give me the strength and wisdom to do so. Thank you Father for the gifts I have been given, it is my one desire to not put them to waste. In Jesus’ name Amen.

They Will Be Missed

Here’s a list of things I will miss while at Holy Cross

1) Waking up in my own bed in the morning.

2) Hugging my dogs at breakfast.

3) Watching the Red Sox in the comfortable recliner chair.

4) Homemade Italian food.

5) My family (have to throw that in there).

6) Cooking in my kitchen.

7) Having tons of free time to blog.

8) Walking in at the end of the day to the smell of dinner.

9) Playing baseball.

10) Last but definitely not least, going to my church every Sunday morning and seeing all my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Reflections

One week until I embark on a new journey, college life at Holy Cross. As I sat in my last service at Newton Presbyterian Church I could not help but reflect on the last seven years of my Christian life, July of 2005 being the year I decided to give my life to Jesus. There are many who “don’t get it” with me, some more who made fun of me, either in public or private. To them I have nothing to say other than that it is through my faith I found my life. God saved my life, literally He did, I have no idea where I would be now, but I certainly wouldn’t be typing at this computer preparing to go to Holy Cross if God didn’t intervene. While the theologic (my new word) of faith is much more complicated than that, there is my basic reasoning, God took a selfish, angry, and hopeless boy and miraculously turned him into the man I am today. I have my faults, doubts, and blemishes. But I am not lacking hope, faith, joy, or love. I have my fears for the future; fears about college debts, what I’m going to do, whether to have a family, the trials that come with having a family…. I finally realized I will grow up and become an adult; my question is what kind of an adult? I could only hope to be like my own father, I mean he did okay with me didn’t he? One reason though I needn’t have fear is this. A lot has happened to me over the course of my life, in some instances it feels like I’ve been to hell and back, yet one constant remains, that is God. No matter what happens to me, whether I become rich or poor, married or alone, successful or a tremendous failure, I know God will be right by my side giving me strength for ever challenge or ordeal. No matter what life or the devil throws at me I know God is there, never leaving me completely on my own. God says to Joshua before he leads the Israelites out of the desert “be strong and courageous for I am with you” or something to the effect. I know firsthand that this is true, there is nothing to fear for I know God has taken me out of the dust and brought me life and will continue to lead me wherever I go.

Follow The Call

I once used the phrase “God is making me eat my words right now.” While I doubt that God would do something as course as that, He certainly does challenge us to be better people and come closer to Him. My lack of posting energy can be attributed towards that. There are two verses that used to challenge me, and as I read through The Cost of Discipleship they come back into view. The first one is Romans 6: 1-2 “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” The next verse is James 2:14 “What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?” Bonhoeffer writes a lot about two suppositions, one is that those who obey have faith, and two is that those who have faith obey. They work together as a circle, but alone are two extremes, the latter being more dangerous as it leads to “cheap” grace. My question has always been this, what can I do to get God’s grace, and can I ever lose it? The answer, I am finding, is simple (only in terms of length), to get God’s grace we need only to respond to Christ’s call to follow Him (thus Bonhoeffer’s obedience leads to faith). While we cannot ever lose God’s love we can lose His influence in our lives. Lately I’ve come to realize that I was relying on “cheap” grace. I was finding consolation in the fact that “it’s okay because God still loves me.” One thing I’ve realized though is this, it’s not okay. Whether you call someone names or steal thousands from a bank, it’s not okay because the effects and consequences are still there, not only those who are harmed but us too. Grace, as Bonhoeffer puts it, justifies the sinner, yet through God’s perfection it condemns the sin. Paul writes later in Romans that we are “dead to sin and alive to Christ.” That is what the true Christian life is about. I used to think that a Christian is no different than any other man except he is forgiven, that couldn’t be more wrong. To follow Jesus’ call means dropping what your doing and following Him. It’s hard, it was hard to give up baseball, and it’s hard to forgive the past, but the end result in communion with God is far sweeter than any homerun.

The Price is Right

Well I am back sooner than promised, which I suppose is a good thing. Honestly I was going through a rough time in my faith and didn’t feel like writing, but then again, if it’s not hard it’s not real, if I had no problems then I would have something to worry about. Back to the post; you know a book is good when you read the first two pages and already have something to write about. I’ve been reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a minister during WWII. Bonhoeffer was killed in a concentration camp in 1945, sadly as the war was ending. That doesn’t make his life wasted though, as I said, even if we die young we die with purpose and that is really all that matters. What struck me is the initial distinction between “cheap grace” and “costly grace.” Bonhoeffer writes that cheap grace justifies the sin while costly grace justifies the sinner. I can’t agree more. Too often in the modern church we shy away from God’s perfection and our contrasting sin. We say “Oh of course it’s all right” to a number of sins, instead of admitting we are wrong. For a long time I have been doing this and it finally caught up with me, sometimes you need to see the consequences of your sin to realize it is wrong. Bonhoeffer’s point isn’t “we are evil and are going to hell” no he very much emphasizes God’s love and grace. His point is that grace is not without cost. That we cannot use it to justify our sins, instead justify ourselves before God. In no way is sin ever “good”, but by God’s grace we can be. As I continue reading there will be more to write and it will probably be clearer and better thought out. Until then enjoy the all-too quickly fading summer.

So, what do I write about?

So, as for observations go I have few so far. There has been a lot on my mind though, just nothing in written form, or close to written form just yet. I will start reading The Cost of Discipleship on my continuous search for answers. One thing has been made very clear, without God I am nothing, and the harder I try to be "good" the farther I fall. That's the meaning of grace though isn't it? Just a quick thought,  something that has been on my mind.

Road Work Ahead

Unfortunately my blogging efforts may continue to be stalled. Call it writer's block, whatever it is I have it and until then won't be writing much. August always was my best month for blogging, sure stinks that it is the month this year that I find myself with the inability to write consistently.

The Natural?

So, here’s another random post. Long story short I’m not on the Cape, so I’ve got some down time to write. I just finished reading The Natural, it is one of my favorite movies so I thought why not read the book. Another long story short, the movie is nothing like the book. The Roy Hobbs in the movie is brave, courageous, forgiving, and selfless. The Roy Hobbs of the book is selfish, angry, resentful, and a womanizer. He even took the judge’s money and fixed the game by striking out to end it! My first thought was that I liked the movie better. Then my second was that they set up an interesting contrast, and because everything in my life goes back to God, here we go. Roy Hobbs (book) is a real character, while Roy Hobbs (movie) isn’t (aren’t all Hollywood movies like that?). The Roy Hobbs of the book shows us that no matter your talent, fame, or fortune, without God you are nothing. Sounds harsh right, but it’s true. Roy loses it all, fame, glory, love, only to realize at the end he is alone. Roy had it all, but lost it all when he let greed instead of God take over. In church today we talked about the parable Jesus told of the guy with the vineyard who paid everyone equally despite the fact they worked different hours (imagine working 12 hours to make the same amount a guy worked 2 hours for). Anyway the thing is this, the guy who worked all day was asking for justice, well if God were to give us all justice we certainly wouldn’t be going to Heaven. Wait, Tay Tay say what? That’s right, if God were to give me justice no way could I stand before Him deserving Heaven, it is by His grace that I am allowed in. Without God we aren’t much, I’m just another kid from Boston trying to make sense of the world, but with Him we can be extraordinary, a creation with a relationship and purpose from the Creator.  Maybe the book wasn’t that bad, the reason we didn’t like it was because it acted as a mirror upon ourselves.

I Need A Vacation

While I would like to continue riding the tidal wave of blog posts from July into August, I will be in the Cape for the next week and a half. So until then I'll get some rest, fish and chips, and unfortunately put my blogging on hold. I'll make up for it when I get back though. Until then God bless and enjoy the remainder of the summer.

Red Sox Update

Don’t look now but I’m writing a sports post. For some reason I haven’t written much on sports, maybe it’s the fact that I’m focusing more energy on God, or maybe there is less to be said. Either way I’m writing now. Anyone notice that the Yankees are one game behind the Red Sox? I don’t know about you but I for one think that it is hard to believe and cause for concern. The Yankees really aren’t that good of a team, let’s be honest outside of Texiara, Cano, Granderson, and Swisher they don’t have much of an offense. The Sox beat them all around and their pitching leaves much to be desired. So how are they only a game behind? Lester’s return couldn’t have come at a better time (I think that’s why the swapped him with Bedard in the rotation) the Sox need a good pitching staff and need to win games. This series versus the Yankees could be a defining moment in the season. They have the opportunity to sink the Yanks back into the division or fall behind for the first time in months. The Yankees aren’t going to disappear, and unless the Red Sox turn it on like they did in June and July then they will fall behind. Bedard’s success is crucial, the Sox need a 3^rd started because Lackey has shown that he won’t cut it when it counts. A 1-2-3 will be needed when your 4-5 have shown an inability to be consistent and dominant. 

This Could Only Happen To Me

So here’s my first random post in quite some time, then again this a random blog so the name demands it. I was visiting a friend in Boston the other day and took the T in. I always loved taking the T because you see the most interesting people you’d ever meet; some people bring books to read but I like to stay alert. Anyway, I was waiting for the outbound train to go home and there was a man playing the guitar and singing. A homeless (I presume) man sat down next to me and told me that the man needed to tune his guitar. We soon got to talking and had a nice conversation while I waited for my train. It turned out that he was on the same train so I walked down the car to where he was sitting and started talking to him. You won’t believe this, he told me “No, I don’t do that, this day is closed” and wouldn’t talk to me. On one hand I got blown off by a homeless guy, on the other I now have yet another interesting story to add to my collection. Then I had another thought, I was thinking about that book Tattoos on the Heart and the Jesuit saying of “seeing God in all things” and that very often (as a man in the book said) God is the person right in front of you. I could have blown that man off, instead I chose to listen, I saw God in him.  Jesus said that whenever you do something for the homeless, those in prison, or widows you do it for him, so I was glad that I had an opportunity to show one person that they are cared for. Still, I wish I didn’t get blown off.