Why I Believe

Four years ago when I first became a Christian I had no doubt in my mind about what I believed, there were no questions from me, just answers. Then came the next school year where I was attacked for my beliefs, I was expected to act like a witness in a courtroom and logically defend my views. This went on until I moved to my new school where my beliefs went untested. This year and some of last I somehow went from unquestionable faith to unsure. I started praying and reading my Bible and the question “how am I sure…?” crept into my mind. I tried to suppress it and hide it the best I could. I read my Bible more, prayed more, and tried to talk more piously, nothing worked. Yesterday I was at a club in my school the “philosophy club” and we talked about what we can know for sure. Well that was a perfect storm for me; I was thinking and struggling to find the reason and logic behind why I believed. I emailed my English teacher, he ran the club, that night because I had to leave early and I wanted to express my thoughts. I said that C.S. Lewis’ proof for God shows we can know things for certain because God wouldn’t let us live in a world where we lived a lie. My English teacher sent a long response and slight rebuke that was unexpected. Imagine talking to a public school teacher, telling him the logic behind why God exists, and then getting rebuked for it, and being told in paraphrase “You can’t make the mistake for confusing faith and certainty” and “You don’t need a logical argument to believe in God” and “You don’t need certainty to have faith, that’s what faith is, you need to take a ‘leap of faith.’” I read that email and my jaw dropped and then I realized what I’ve done. I’ve based my belief in God on how well I can explain Him, but God is big He can’t be boxed up into a definition, we need faith, a belief in what we cannot see or explain. This was tough for me to write, it was tough for me to write my blog posts with doubts in my mind, but when there are doubts in our hearts that is when we need to have some faith. How do I know, when I am at a game that I am getting a ride home? How do I know that my teachers aren’t lying to me? How do I know that the bus will be at the stop? I don’t there is no logical explanation for my knowing, but I have faith in those things. Doubts are not bad, suppressing them is worse than having them, but we must remember that we can’t let them control our lives.