More on Jonah

Didn’t think I’d be writing about Jonah this extensively, but then again, God does speak to us in new ways, so here is yet again another post on the book of Jonah. While the in the belly of the fish (or whale) Jonah prays to God in a psalm (at least, I think it’s a psalm) and in it he says in 2:8 “those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” Pretty powerful stuff right, and also pretty harsh as well. It’s one of those things that you just have to sit back and think about. Think. What am I clinging to, what are you clinging to? Because whatever it is, compared to the grace of God it is worthless. There are so many things out there that we want, acceptance, fame, money, glory, clothes, admiration; the list really can go on and on. Added to that there are just as many ways we go about worshiping those things, and coping with the pain when we don’t get them. But in the end, they are all worthless! Why? That’s my question, why cling, why chase after these things when deep down we know they won’t fill us up, when you actually reach your goal you stop and look back and say “You know, I thought it would feel better than this.” Recently I’ve made a tough decision to “retire” from baseball. Why? Well I made the varsity team, this was my goal for four years, I trained and sweat and pushed myself and despite the odds made it. When I got to the top and looked back I said “You know, for all the work and effort, I thought I’d be happier.” Worthless idol, that’s what it was really, didn’t fill me up and instead left me only wanting more. What are you clinging to in your life? Whatever it is it’s keeping you from the grace of God that is all satisfying. That’s the devil’s whole plan, not like in the movies like The Omen where he goes out and kills people physically. No, instead all he tries to do is get you to put something up that takes the place of God in your life, to trick you into thinking a relationship with God doesn’t require work. That’s it really, to keep us from the grace and love of God that will truly satisfy us. I say this, don’t let him, cast those idols down and run to God and accept His love in its purest form. Don’t pull a Jonah and wait for a whale to swallow you to make you realize what you’re missing.

Flashback of Sorts

So I had a flashback of sorts to last year tonight, although, I think de ja vu is a better term. Today I went with my father and a friend to a Bible study at a juvenile detention center. The flashback was to my trip to Belize where I worked with kids on a three-gang street. Pretty much all these kids came from a rough life, did something wrong, and ended up in jail for it. Some of them realized that and desired to change their lives and get back to God, that’s where I come in. I have to admit I was nervous, going to a detention facility can be that way, added to that I felt out of place considering I’ve had a pretty good life and am on the “right track.” Here’s the amazing thing, I’m not sure if it was God’s voice or not but the minute I sat down at the table with the two young men who were attending I thought to myself “I will see both of these guys in Heaven.” I thought to myself ‘where’d that come from, out of all the thoughts racing through my head why this one?’ Then it hit me, before God we’re all equal, I’m no better, no more loved, and no less loved than these young men. It doesn’t matter who I am, where I’m from, or what I’ve done God will always love me just as much as the next guy. We were reading the book of Jonah; you know the one with the guy and the whale (or fish). Anyway the part that really struck out to me was this; Jonah was self righteous, he didn’t want to preach to the people of Nineveh because he thought he was better than them. The people of Nineveh were sinful and when faced with God’s judgment asked for forgiveness. Here’s the thing, both need God’s grace, Jonah may be a prophet but he is still far from God and the people of Nineveh may be sinful but are not too far gone from God’s love. So then my revelation made perfect sense, both I and the men with me were in the same boat, we needed God’s grace, we saw a need, we got our need fulfilled. I pray to God that I will keep my faith and these young men will too and we may see each other again. If that was God’s voice all I can say is thank you for being clear, I could certainly get used to it.

Be Yourself

Here’s another lesson learned from Tattoos on the Heart and also from life. I have to admit, lately I’ve been feeling drained. I haven’t been as close to God as I once was and the effect has not been very good on me. I went to a boxing class the other day and this morning had a flashback to last year in Belize when I “boxed” with a bunch of little kids in the city. They had a blast, throwing punches at me, jumping on my back putting me in a headlock, it was the most fun I could ever have in 100-degree weather. Then it hit me, I know what I love to do, so why am I going into college not following the heart God put in me, but instead following expectations of the world? What I love is to write (obviously), I like law and might go to law school, and I love working with kids. What I am going into college expecting to take are “practical courses.” Then I realized something, I’ve got one life to live here on earth and a few gifts given to me by God, it is my job to find out what they are and to use them for His glory. For some people one path may be right, but it isn’t right for me, I know what God gave me a passion for, what’s wrong with simply following it? What am I waiting for, job security, success? Well success isn’t always measured in results; often it can be measured in joy and how close I am to God. If what brings me to God is reading books, studying law, and speaking Italian then I better get a move on and do those things. For so long we try to be something we’re not, when all God ever made us to be was ourselves.

When Will You Decide

I started this post, but it came off as weak and lame, so here is take two, from the top. This summer for me has been all about faith, not the question as to whether or not I believe, but how to add a spark to my faith, to make it alive. It is easy to get bogged down in religion, whoa there; yes I said it is easy to get bogged down in religion. Religion is a list of rules and creeds, believe this, do this, bada bing, bada boom, there you go. But the thing is this, religion is boring, and generally makes you feel bad. I hate that feeling I get when I realize I messed up, yeah according to the book of Leviticus I’m not doing too well. Lately I’ve been reading Micah, one of the minor prophets (minor as in size, not content), and in chapter 6 God’s going on about what He wants of us. Verse 8 says “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” Not, be perfect, not give me your best animals or your firstborn, just follow my lead. I was bored out of my mind today, I had no one to talk to and had tons of work to get done. Then it hit me, just like how we desire relationships with other people, God wants a relationship with us. He doesn’t want us to follow a bunch of rules, He wants to talk with us, hear us, and have us listen to Him. So, how do we do that, well we’ve got to live like Him, become like Him, and know Him. Only a friend can recognize a friend, and so we need to know God like a friend. That is where the changes need to start, when you accept God in your life a few minor changes may take place (sometimes major ones) but most of the work is in our hands, we’ve got to change ourselves, God can’t do it for us. In Tattoos on the Heart Greg Boyle recounts a conversation with a former gang member in which he is asked when the violence will stop, his response was when you decide. When will I decide to change, when will I welcome Jesus’ call and step out of the boat, when will I rise to the occasion and fulfill God’s plan for me? God can’t answer that, in fact no one can, only I can. A relationship takes work, effort, and sacrifice, but the results are sweet and overwhelming. Talk is easy, it’s actions that speak out, I decide.

Top Ten So Far

Here's the top ten biggest surprises about the Sox thus far.

1) They'd actually be able to win 100 games assuming they continue playing this well.
2) Beckett's ERA would be under 3.
3) Ellsbury would be 3rd in home runs on the team.
4) Even more, he has more home runs than A-Roid.
5) Adrian Gonzalez is the next Ted Williams, no surprise for me here.
6) Carl Crawford started off looking like Theo's biggest mistake, give him time he'll get better.
7) Pap only blew one save, his ERA on the other hand, that was expected.
8) Ortiz is better than last year, who knew?
9) Dice-K is still on the team somewhere, we're still looking for him.
10) Manny failed a drug test and promptly retired, yeah he's not on the Sox but c'mon, it was a shock.

Confession

As I sit in church I’ve always had this thought, and now in light of my reading the Spiritual Exercises I feel it almost unavoidable. One thing I’ve noticed in my church, while I still love it, is that they don’t really give you much time for confession. The Catholic Church has always been criticized for focusing too much on our sins, and I think the Protestant church may be guilty of not focusing enough. While it is wrong to say that in God’s eyes we are worthless and are not able to receive His love because of it, it is equally wrong, and perhaps more so, to say that we deserve His gift of salvation. Looking back on my life I can see that I stopped deserving God’s love rather early, hey, didn’t we all. There’s no one on earth who is perfect, not even Mother Theresa for all she did deserves Heaven. At one time or another she acted in a way that is not compatible with God’s perfection and glory. If even Mother Theresa isn’t deserving, how much so am I. That is where grace comes in, and that is where true appreciation of God’s love also comes in. It’s not that I took Jesus’ sacrifice for granted, but I guess I just forgot how imperfect and undeserving of it I am. You can say all you want about this post, how I’m focusing too much on guilt, how we’re redeemed, and you’re right, when we accept Jesus and His gift of life we are redeemed before God. Yet, the only thing that can really stop a man from getting help is when he refuses to acknowledge a need for it. So what am I saying, that instead of 60 seconds confessions should be 90? No, that’s to specific, but if it weren’t such a rush, if it were more of the focus of our worship then that would be better. Not to mean that all church should be is praying for forgiveness, but true worship of God, where similes include adoration, reverence, love, and devotion, demands that we truly focus on His perfection and our imperfection, and His love for us despite the contrast. Then and only then can we truly appreciate and understand what God did for us so that we may enjoy a life with Him, and more importantly for Him.

Water Balloons and Whales

Today, or rather, this evening I was filling water balloons. Why is not very important, my job is a camp counselor and because of the heat we need them, so I needed to make a lot. This post isn’t going to be about water balloons though, well, it will be but I hope that isn’t the main point you get out of it. Yesterday I filled up about 80, today I made 155 in half the time. No this isn’t a math problem, I filled the balloons up yesterday with a sort of squirt gun, but upon seeing it broke I first threw it (yeah, not my best moment) then looked at the hose, which had a “jet” setting perfect for filling….water balloons. So, why bore you with this story? Well, I got to thinking, lately I’ve faced some disappointment in my life. I’m the kind of guy who likes to make a plan and follow it, if things don’t go right I get thrown off, who doesn’t right? Then, as I filled my water balloons I realized something, maybe what I really need is to step back and approach things in a new way. Maybe my way is the wrong way, the tedious way, and God’s way is better. Not just faster or more successful but more fulfilling, more of what I need. I just finished Jonah, and one thing that jumped out is that Jonah basically said “Nah God, I’m going my own way, thanks but no thanks.” God’s reply couldn’t be clearer, and sometimes I wish a whale would swallow me when I make the wrong decision. But that doesn’t happen, I live a good hour from the coast, and God isn’t always that clear. I get so wrapped up on “doing the right thing” when maybe instead I should focus on listening to and obeying what God has to say, think about it, will He ever tell me to do the wrong thing?

Bridges, Decisions, and Whatnot

You know, I think the scariest time in anyone’s life is when they take a good long look at themselves and realize that they aren’t a kid anymore. I used to joke that I’d never change, that I’d be fifty and still be the same old Tay Tay, still love baseball, still use bad grammar, and still make the same bad jokes. I’ve realized something though, I’m not the same as I was a month ago, but that doesn’t mean I’m not me. Lately, I think, I’ve matured a bit. I’ve come to realize that actions have consequences, that there are more important things in life to care about, and that ultimately I need to make the right decisions because they won’t be made for me. It’s scary; it’s frightening to think that the decisions I make now could affect me years later. I made a decision to go to Holy Cross, that will affect what friends I make, what job I get out of college, and who I marry. Now, I’m making a decision about whether to join NROTC, or Navy Reserve Officer Training Corps. It’s a big decision, it will affect me, but you know what I needn’t be afraid. God was with me my whole life and will be with me wherever I go. If it works out it is God’s plan, if it doesn’t then it just wasn’t for me. At times like these, when you’re staring at the edge of a big river to cross, you gotta trust God to show you where the right bridge is. (sorry for the cliché).

There's Always a Reason Behind It

As I continue through Tattoos on the Heart one thought pervades my mind; it is sad how very often the gang members that change their lives for the better end up dying anyways. Very often in the book a gang member or as Greg Boyle says “homeboy” will change his life but die at the hands of a rival. Then a second thought came to my mind; it’s not meaningless. If you believe in God, an all powerful and loving God, then nothing is without meaning. Many people who don’t believe in God feel that this is all there is, that life’s only meaning is what you leave behind, thus in death and suffering we are left alone. With God this is not true, everything from joy to pain is pregnant with meaning. It doesn’t matter if I live to be 20 or 90, my life is one lived with purpose and meaning through God, and honestly I don’t care how long I live because I know that I will have lived for something. Sure I want to have a wife and kids, I want a family of my own, a job I love, but I know that no matter what happens it will all have been done for God and that is good enough for me. I have a long life (I hope) ahead of me, and instead of focusing on what I’m going to do, I want to focus more on the simple fact that whatever I do it won’t be for naught. Whether I am joyful or in great pain I know that there is meaning behind it, maybe, if there’s no explanation, that’s the consolation behind suffering, that we aren’t alone; that when you suffer, not only do those who love you suffer but God does too. 

See God in All Things

I was talking with my youth pastor today and aside from the usual “how are you, what are you up to…” we also talked a great deal about faith and what it means to me. To me, faith used to be a sort of addition to my life, while I was very strong in my faith I never fully grasped that it really is a journey. What is the point of a journey, to go somewhere of course. While in Oregon I got some time off to myself to think about where I am going, and like many people I suppose, I wasn’t too thrilled. If there’s one thing I’ve learned (and I’ve learned many things) in the past month it’s that the whole point of our time here is to discover God, find a way to live for Him in a meaningful way, and eventually become more like Him. One thing I’ve found is that I lack His ability to love others. A Jesuit saying is that we must “see God in all things” honestly, I haven’t been doing a good job at that. For whatever reason I’ve let pride, insecurity… seep into my heart, keeping me far from God. If life is a journey in which we must become more like God, then loving like Him is a good place to start. Jesus said there is no credit in loving those who love you back, boy, was He right, and boy, is it hard. From your best friend to your worst enemy we should love everyone. It’s hard, but there is a simple answer, God loves us. I have a better chance of playing LF for the Boston Red Sox than deserving God’s love. If I can’t muster up the energy in my heart than may that one fact ring true. I was forgiven and loved, picked up from the dirt. Now it’s my turn to show that love to those around me. Seeing God in all things, plain and simple.

Housekeeping

Note: I am currently debating whether or not to move my blog to another blogging site. Either way "taytaysrandomblob.blogspot.com" will not exist for much longer, it's just deciding if I want to stick with google.com or not. When any switch occurs I will post it ASAP. Other than that, enjoy the summer and god bless.

Cool Fireworks Pics from the 4th

New Book

So as for new books I’m reading a big one is The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius. I mentioned I am going to Holy Cross in the fall, well, Holy Cross is a Jesuit school and Saint Ignatius founded the Jesuits. So he’s pretty important out in Worcester (the city where Holy Cross is for those who don’t know). Anyway, while in Oregon I was at Powell’s bookstore (best in the world) and felt compelled to look him up. And so here I am taking part in the exercises of Saint Ignatius. It really is a very interesting book, Ignatius, like C.S. Lewis, was a layman, meaning he didn’t really have formal training (except later in life) and so it is simply a man’s journey with Christ and what he feels outline his faith journey. For now I am in week one out of four weeks and have a few thoughts. First, why the word exercise? Well, to use an example I will be taking part in a triathlon this fall and need to workout, a lot. I’ve got the swimming down, it’s just the running and biking and so I need to, you guessed it, exercise. A favorite phrase of mine (not by my invention though) is “if you’re not getting stronger, you’re getting weaker.” It’s the same with our spirituality, if you don’t put the effort in, don’t be surprised to see how far off the path you are, like everything in life it takes work. Next, week one is based on a foundation that I am a wicked, fallen, person and don’t deserve God’s grace. Sounds harsh right? Think about it though, if I, like the Pharisees, think I am a good person then how can I accept grace. On the other hand if I have the mindset that I am fallen I will readily accept grace because I will see the need for it. God can only help those who see the need for help; otherwise His help is seen more as an intrusion than a helping hand. For now those are my thoughts, as I continue through the book I am bound to have more things to write about so until then enjoy the All Star break and the Sox being in 1^st place.

Need for Forgiveness

A few lasting thoughts on Hosea as I recently finished it. For one, a couple verses in chapter 11 really blew me away. A consistent theme in the prophets is God’s judgment; the idea is that because Israel sinned they should be punished. But Hosea is entirely different, especially 11: 8-10. Sorry for the chunk of scripture but it’s good. “How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Zeboiim? My heart has changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim. For I am God, and not man – the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. They will follow the Lord.” That’s some pretty heavy stuff and a great way to wrap up my posts on Hosea. The one thing that sticks out in my mind from that verse is the image of a father talking to his son/daughter after they did something wrong. My dad has given me many “talks” over the years and they all follow the same pattern “You did something wrong, you should be punished, but don’t forget – I still love you.” Or better yet, a father talking to a son who ran away “You hurt me, but most of all you scared me, I still love you.” Sin separates us from God; it is the devil’s perversion of the good that God has made. When we sin we take a step away from God to “go our own way.” More than anything this hurts God, who isn’t hurt by the painful sting of rejection, especially from a close friend or lover? Forgiveness isn’t just God’s way of saying “all clear” it’s much more than that, it tears down the walls we built with our sin. By being forgiven we are allowed into the presence of God once again which is an even sweeter gift than being let off the hook. Some more thoughts on forgiveness as it is applicable to our own lives: just like forgiveness allows us to enjoy a relationship with God when we forgive others it allows us to enjoy a relationship with them. There are quite a few people who I used to not forgive for what they did to me in the past, to tell you the truth I was the one missing out not them. By not forgiving you shut the person out of your life forever, through forgiveness you tear down the walls built between you to enjoy a cordial relationship. 

Clear for the First Time

So a few quick thoughts, first Oregon was great, pictures to follow. Second my tech-savvy cousin told me that blogger is being reformatted under google.com so this means my blog will change websites. It will still be good old “Tay Tay’s Random Blog” just not through blogger.com. When this happens I will post the new site, also I was told all content will be carried over so don’t worry all my year’s of posting didn’t go to waste. Back to the post, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and the main idea I am driving at is this: change is not a given, while forgiveness may be, change happens in your heart and must be enacted through you with God’s help. What the heck does this mean? Well lately I’ve come to realize that while I may call myself a follower of Christ (and at times I sure do act like it), that doesn’t mean my journey is over, no, instead it means it has just begun. You ever get that annoying feeling that the more you try to be good the more you realize how far you are? Well I’ve come to that point. As I sit here at my new macbook writing this post all I can think of is this big laundry list of things I need to do to clean up my act. But here’s the thing, it doesn’t work that way, not even close. The reason the image of Hosea and his wife has struck me so much is this: God wants me, faults and all. When I wrote “Why Grace?” I was wrong in saying grace made no sense to me, it made perfect sense, I just never fully realized it. Grace isn’t about cleaning up, it’s about being accepted for you who are; the thing is this, it doesn’t end there. So where do I go next? I can’t possibly expect to be perfect from hereon, then again aiming at sinfulness isn’t a good alternative either. I’ve been reading plenty of books and have a few thoughts already, posts to follow I promise. For now I think the main focus is love, love of God and through Him love of man. Who knew, two years ago faith was all I cared about, now six years into my journey with Christ I’m finally understanding the true message of the Gospel, God’s love for us. He didn’t have to create man, He wanted to, fully knowing the grief and joy that would come with it. The list of books I’ll be reading consists of the following: Don’t Waste your Life, The Reason For God, Tattoos on the Heart, and of course, The Bible. It’s a journey for a reason, I’m sure glad I have God to get me through it.