So Now What?

You know what’s really frightening? When you realize that you eventually grow up. I have to admit I’ve been really struggling lately. I used to think I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I thought I wanted to play for the Red Sox, or dig up dinosaur bones, or own a restaurant, or the most practical: be a lawyer. Now I’ve found that I don’t have a clue, but here’s the thing, God does. God knows what I will do with my life, so why is it so hard for me to trust Him? It’s simple right, just pray about it and wait on an answer. Here’s the thing, no one wants the simple answer, they feel that life should be harder than it is. You know what I am really afraid of? Waking up at the age of forty with a family to support and a job I hate but need to pay the bills. I thought I knew what I wanted in life, now I know I don’t have a clue. I like to write, I am strong in my faith, I like working with kids, and I like baseball. So what I can do, be paid to be me? I pray that someday God will show me who I am going to be, I wouldn’t mind a neon sign every now and then. I wrote a few weeks ago how great Holy Cross has been for my faith because being on my own has forced me to trust God more. Well I never thought how true my words would really be! One more thing I’ve noticed, it has caused me to be more honest. I don’t have anyone to hide behind anymore, it’s just God and me now, and no one else I can rely on. I don’t know what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but I do know one thing: I have faith in God, who has a plan for me, and if I listen for His voice I will live out that plan.