My Wordle

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I saw this thing called a "wordle" and decided to make one, I am sorry that you don't get the picture on this post, it was working fine a while ago, but there is a link and if you click on the link you go directly to my wordle. It's neat to see how often I use certain words, although I had always thought that the main focus of my blog was on the Bible and not so much on sports, I guess for a New Year's resolution I can focus my life and attention more on God than on other things.

Red Sox Updates

Starting Roster as of now

C: Victor Martinez
P: Jon Lester, Josh Beckett, John Lackey, Dice-K, Clay Buchholz, Tim Wakefield
1B: Casey Kotchman
2B: Dustin Pedroia
SS: Marco Scutaro
3B: Kevin Youkilis
LF: Mike Cameron
CF: Jacoby Ellsbury
RF: J.D. Drew
DH: David Ortiz
Bench: Jason Varitek (C), Mike Lowell (3B, DH), Jeremy Hermidia (OF), Jed Lowrie (Utility).

Personally I wouldn’t mind dealing for Adrian Gonzalez (unlikely) and getting rid of Lowell, that way Kotchman can be an excellent backup, that way their infield would be really solid defensively and offensively. Also it looks like either Cameron or Ellsbury will start in left because Bay is headed to NY (don’t worry it’s just the Mets).

By Faith

I saw this verse a while back when I was reading Hebrews and it occurred to me that while wanting to post about it I never did, so here are my thoughts on Hebrews 11: 1. I wrote many posts on faith this past year, sometimes too many but it was on my mind and that’s what a blog is for right, writing my thoughts? Well here's one more. So here is the verse, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” In other words it means sureness of something, not knowledge, not a compilation of evidence, not a picture, just sureness in our hearts. I used to want God to come down in a heavenly host with angels and whatnot so I could whip out my camera and save the picture for a rainy day. I now realize that is highly unlikely and that God came down to me in other ways. On way He connected with me was through books, tons of books just appeared to me out of nowhere, like I’d be sitting in church and it would be there, or I’d be in school and it would be there. God have me hope in the summer, hope for a better day and He gave me faith, faith that in the future He would be there. That’s faith; holding on to what you believe and know is true in your heart. I know I already used the example of 2004 Red Sox, but think of all those fans holding on to the hope of a better year yet not having the physical evidence to “prove” that the Sox will end their World Series drought. Following this verse there is a list of people who lived by faith, who had the strength to devote their lives to God, holding on to His promise.

Always There

I was reading my Bible yesterday I came across a verse in 2 Peter in chapter 3, it is verse 9, and “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to repent.” I was shocked by that verse, in a good way. Often times when I sin I feel really, really, bad; of course I should feel guilty about sinning, but one thing I forget is the amazing power of grace. Sometimes I fear that God might leave me, it’s foolish I know, but after my “faith crisis” that fear still persists in my heart. It takes me back to that scene in Jurassic Park where the little girl crises to Dr. Grant asking him not to leave because the wimpy lawyer guy left earlier. I know it’s not the best analogy, but it’s still true. There are times in life when we lose people, or people just plain leave for some reason, but God is there no matter how we act. Now, this is not a license to sin, repaying pure and honest love with abuse and evil is cruel, even crueler than the actual sin itself. What it does mean though, is that we need not worry, while God is a judge He is not out to get us, in contrast He is up there “rooting” for us so that we may come back to Him and repent.

It's all in Your Head

Well I said I would write about hitting so here are more of my tips. For now I will write a little bit about the mental aspect of the game, mainly being a smart hitter. Some people when they here “mental aspect” think “Huh, that’s not important I’ll just wait ‘till he posts about the mechanical parts” but hitting is mainly all up in your head. Having not played much baseball I am constantly learning new things every game and in between seasons, I am constantly making up all these theories about hitting and putting them into practice. Ted Williams wrote about guessing and I wrote a little in my last post but here I am going to go a little deeper. One thing I have tried to do this past year is watch the pitcher, for example what’s his fastball like, when and where does he usually throw it, what’s his curve like, how much does he have off his changeup, does he have a set pattern, is he wild, how tall is he… the list goes on and on, but it is surprising how big the percentage of your at-bat is spent on the bench. I used the example earlier about the kid throwing first pitch fastballs, but there also was one time that I noticed a kid couldn’t get his breaking ball over for a strike, so I told everyone and tried to lay off when it came, or another time I noticed the umpire had an unfairly high strike zone and the kid liked to put his fastballs there, so I struck out looking in my fist at bat, and then made sure to swing away in my next. Then there is guessing, this is a little more complicated and hard to put to practice effectively but it is basically thinking like the pitcher. Let’s say you strike out on a curve in your first at bat, the count is now 0-2, what do you think is coming? A curve of course. Now let’s say the count is 2-0, you’re on top now, a fastball is most likely coming so as to give the pitcher an edge, and remember he has to throw a strike when he’s behind. Lastly a few notes on the 2-strike count. One thing I had trouble with was thinking in the box, I would swing away and throw away quick at-bats instead of grinding them out. When the pitcher is on top 0-2, the pitch doesn’t necessarily have to be a strike but you need to swing if it’s close, even if you don’t like it foul it off and wait for your pitch. If you’re up 2-0, 3-0, or 3-1 you can wait for your pitch but remember that the pitcher must and will throw a strike and most likely the pitch he either has most confidence in or the most control over.

Hitting Tips

I recently got a great gift for Christmas; it was a book, The Science of Hitting written by Ted Williams. I haven’t posted about hitting for a while and I am not going to write a lot now, but I will say that Ted’s book has a ton in it and is a very in depth analysis of the most perfect swing, or at least the one that got Williams to hit .400. Interestingly enough the book is not so much about the physical aspect of hitting as it is mental. And it’s true hitting is all up in your head, it’s about being smart in the batter’s box and taking notes on the bench. Here’s a story, in the summer I watched the pitcher and saw that he could throw some heat! But he also always threw a first pitch fastball, always, so what did I do? I told my teammates and coach (I doubt they really listened) but when I stood up at bat I was geared up for his fastball and I hit a hot grounder up the middle – right to the shortstop. But the point is I noticed a pattern in the game and was ready. Ted calls this guessing and while many coaches tell you “DON’T GUESS!” You need to, that’s what I did and I was actually too ready for it. I’ll elaborate on this later and write a ton more about working on my swing and the adjustments I made in between the summer and fall seasons that blew my productivity through the roof.

A Merry Christmas for All

In my Bible the Old and New Testaments are separated by a few pages, but in reality they were separated by about 500 years. Think about that, 500 years and not a peep from God, gosh, I can barely go 500 seconds without talking! When Jesus came to earth that night it was the first time God had contacted anyone, but something I thought was interesting is the guests at Jesus’ birthday. Think about it, first King Herod wants to kill Him, then the only people that show up to witness His birth are a couple of shepherds, barn animals, and some wise men. The thing I noticed is specifically that, an event that has been predicted for 500 years and that is the welcome wagon! I don’t know what the imperial reception for a king was at the time, but I bet it wasn’t that; Jesus was a King, I know that for sure, but He was a different kind of King. In my Chinese class we watched this touristy video about the “forbidden city” in China which was where the emperor resided, and even now way after the last emperor a lot of stuff is off-limits. Jesus was not off-limits; in contrast He welcomed everyone, even the obscure people. The Shepherd was not a rich or esteemed man, and wise men is really code for astrologer, think about that, people that may have not even believed in the Christ traveled at their own risk to see His birth. Jesus was not off-limits that night, there were not velvet ropes and no sign that said “No flash photography”, no, instead He held out His arms and called us to Him.

Super Cool

I’m not much for the whole “proof for God” thing, I see faith as a gift from God that must be used and overcome our doubts, but I recently learned some really cool stuff in physics about the universe. Basically the universe we live in is extremely complicated, so complicated in fact that even the smartest scientists out there cannot fully explain every detail. The mere shape of the universe is complicated, gravity, space-time, light, all that, it would take years of reading and diagrams and learning to absorb it all. Also the universe is so vast and massive, to think we are but one galaxy in an infinitely growing expanse that has been doing so since its creation, it’s mind boggling and really cool when you sit down and think about it. I’m not going to give a lesson in astronomy (besides I know nothing about it), but I will say that our world, not just outer space but down here on earth is so complicated that it is physically impossible to be created at random. The laws of physics and math and even philosophy are just too complex to have been made out of thin air by nothing. If I threw a bunch of scrabble letters out on to the floor, I would hardly produce a coherent sentence, let alone a single word! But if I sit down at a computer (like I am now) and fit letters together to not only write paragraphs but also a piece of writing with meaning and logical progressions! I just think it’s so cool how God made our universe, and to think that He knows all about it, all those complex ideas that we haven’t an inkling about God designed, how cool is that? Anyway, those are just some thoughts of mine after my physics class.

The True Gift of the Season

As Christmas approaches and we all try to get some last minute Christmas shopping in and on the side wonder what we are getting, I ask that we remember the greatest miracle in the history of the world, Jesus’ birth. While miraculous in itself, one thing we tend to forget is how amazing it is that Jesus came down here to earth, it’s like the Cubs winning the World Series times 1,000,000 (sorry Cubs fans). It used to be that people would go up to the temple and make sacrifices to get rid of their sins, and there was also a strict separation between God and man with the high priest being the only one allowed in the presence of God. But when Jesus came and died on the cross that was all redone, God calls it His “New Covenant” (the first one was with Moses). The author of Hebrews writes about this in an interesting way, he writes “When Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here, He went through the greater and more perfect tabernacle that is not manmade, that is to say, not a part of this creation…. The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!” Hebrews 9:11, 13-14. Wow is all I can say, if the blood of mere animals can cleanse us, how much more can Christ, wow, it’s a cool thing to think about, and while getting presents on Christmas is great, this is the gift that we really need, the gift that will last in the long run.

Sox News

I heard the news about the Sox signing John Lackey so that’s really good for them. Now they have a rotation of Lester, Beckett, Lackey, Dice-K, and Wakefield, so their pretty much set pitching wise. Now all they need to do is resign Bay, and get Adrian Gonzalez at all costs. As great as Beltre is as a defender he can’t hit all that well which is what the Sox need, hitting. Gonzalez is a great defender and an amazing hitter which will add a ton to an already good team. Hopefully the Red Sox can start up in 2010 and show the Yankees whose boss on opening day.

In an Ideal World

Considering all that’s going on in trades, here is my ideal opening day lineup (despite it not being realistic)

C: Victor Martinez
P:
1) Jon Lester
2) Josh Beckett
3) Roy Halladay
4) Dice-K
5) Tim Wakefield
1B: Adrian Gonzalez
2B: Dustin Pedroia
SS: Alex Gonzalez (they should’ve kept him!)
3B: Kevin Youkilis
LF: Jason Bay
CF: Jacoby Ellsbury
RF: J.D. Drew
DH: David Ortiz, Mike Lowell (also on the bench)

The Living Word

I was reading Hebrews this morning and saw this verse “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4: 12. I’ve always loved this image of the Bible, as God’s living word working through us when we read it. There are a lot of people my age, and older or younger, who look at the Bible as this old, dusty book that doesn’t mean much, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth! When we read the Bible God kind of speaks to us through the words, like what I said earlier about a passage jumping out at me. It also works in us, we change at that moment and grow closer to God, and if we apply those words we become “imitators of Christ”. But another thing happens and this has happened to me a lot, a lot of the times if I’m in a bad spirit, let’s say I had a bad day, or things just aren’t going right, God’s word “penetrates” me, it digs down deep and stirs me up, and it’ll be like “Oh…I really shouldn’t have acted that way to so-and-so” (or something like that). While the truth can hurt, it also helps us and works in us to transform us ultimately making us better. The thing I love so much about the Bible is that it is not just a history book, or some account, or a list of miracles, it’s that when you let it, it speaks to you, it works in you, and you change. It’s like me going to the batting cage, I get a tune up, I get better, stronger. I don’t know what everyone does for devotions, but what I recommend is spending a few minutes every morning and just sit down and read one chapter (or more, or less) and let it speak, let it work on you. When you really stop and think that the Creator of the entire universe stopped to transfer His thoughts to us, it’s really, really cool.

Winter Meetings

Here’s an update on the Sox in the meetings so far, oh wait, there’s nothing to say because they have yet to make any kind of respectable trade at all! From what I’ve heard it sounds like the next few years will be “rebuilding years” meaning Sox fans can watch the Yankees win every time while our team lags far behind in third place. I seriously doubt the sell-out streak will continue with the way things look, essentially all the Red Sox have done is let players go and watched others get signed, well that isn’t a fair accusation they did sign a few nobodies over the past few days. But hey, just wait for four years for a team that can compete, that will put the whole team now past their prime. From what has gone on so far it doesn’t look good for Red Sox nation next year.

Gifts Part 2

An interesting thing I learned last week was that the book of James was actually inconsideration for being left out of the Bible. Yep, that’s right, one of my favorite books in the New Testament was almost left out (I’m glad God stopped them). The reason being that people incorrectly interpreted his “faith and deeds” passage to mean we need good works to get into Heaven. This couldn’t be farther from the truth and it also pertains to my gift analogy by answering the question of how are we to react to this gift we are given. James essentially says (it’s a long passage so I’ll summarize), that faith is no good without our good works to back it up. This is entirely true and it is found all the time in our daily life think if I want to apply for a loan but have no credit, is my word that I will pay it back good enough? This doesn’t mean we need to earn our salvation, but James is asking us to live it out. This goes back to how are we to respond to our gift from God? Should we just say a quick “thanks” and then forget about it and let it collect dust long after the holidays? NO! God gave us this gift of life so that it could be used, we have Jesus so that we can actively seek God everyday of the year, and the evidence of the seeking will be our good works. Think, if I work out the whole winter and really fine tune my swing then it will show in the spring, the same goes for our life with God, if we work hard and seek God first it will show in our works and our gift of life will be well used. This year try not to let this gift get away, instead of collecting dust with all the other stuff we get I say we actively pursue God this Christmas season, and every day afterward.

Gifts Part 1

As we journey forth into the Christmas season, I think back to last Christmas. Last year I got a really great gift, a new baseball bat. My old one was one to the cheaper models and while it got me through the year, it wasn’t a great bat. And to my surprise on Christmas morning I opened up a package with a brand new, top of the line, Demarini baseball bat! I was so shocked; I didn’t know what to say so I mumbled a “thank you” and gave my parents a hug. Looking back on that year there was a lot of stuff I did to not deserve that great gift. While I try my best to be a respectful and loving son/brother, there still are days when nothing seems to be going right and I take it out on the people I love most. Now, multiply that scenario by 1 million (no really, I did the calculations) and you get what it was like on a Christmas morning roughly 2000 years ago. There was nothing we as a people did to earn the gift God gave us, looking at the Israelite history/prophets you see that there was a ton they did to deserve the opposite. But the crazy thing is, is that God loves us so much. He didn’t have to give up His Son, and Jesus never had to die on the cross, the amazingly beautiful thing about is that it all happened! My dad asked me if I wanted a new baseball bat and I said no, Id didn’t want to give him any of the trouble of buying me a new bat, besides my old one was fine. But my dad did despite the fact that he didn’t need to. While getting caught up in the swirl around us this time of year, I say we try once to step back and focus on the real meaning of this magnificent holiday, that while we give and receive gifts from our friends and family, we also receive the greatest gift of all, a life with God through His Son.

Middle Ground?

Well the Christmas season is finally upon us after a long year, and to kick it off I tuned in to the Christmas station on the radio. I listened to some of my personal favorites, but one thing that shocked me is the lack of “religious” Christmas carols. One thing I’ve wondered it where the middle ground is, I mean I always hear two sides to Christmas, side A says “It is a religious Holiday, and the “secular” carols and movies are bad” and side B says “C’mon Man! Have a little fun, don’t be so stiff.” I think I have a reasonable approach to my dilemma. In 1Corinthians: 8, Paul deals with a pretty big issue in the Church. At the time it was common for the Greeks to sell meat sacrificed to idols. Some Christians said “Ha! Those idols are fake, what does it matter to me whether or not I eat this meat?” Some others said “Gosh, I can’t eat this, it is de-sanctified!” Paul replies that idols mean nothing; God is Lord over all, so in the end it doesn’t really matter. Now what does this have to do with Christmas? Paul then adds, “But not everyone knows this”. “Some people are still accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and their conscience is weak, it is defiled.” Paul then ends with “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” Basically what Paul says can be applied to my situation. Listening to the “secular” carols/movies is perfectly fine, but the catch here is that it is only okay if my heart is set on God and God alone. If I am weak, and if these songs/movies distract me then they come between me and God, but if I am strong and I can toss them to the side when it comes to my focus on Jesus then they are perfectly fine. Anything that comes between us and God while on its own may be a good thing, turns into a bad thing, even something as simple as a song or movie. While it is fun to watch all the Christmas movies that are on, let us not forget the true gift of the season, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Red Sox News

Well I heard some scary news today, there’s a report that the Red Sox’ new shortstop could be (drum roll), Dustin Pedroia, yep that’s right, let’s move Pedroia to short and find a subpar second baseman to fill in. I can just imagine the conversation that went on, “Dustin Pedroia please report to the front office.” Theo: “Hey Peddy, we got some new plans for the team, how would you like to play short stop full time?” Dustin: “Yeah sure but why me?” Theo: “Well Dustin that is very simple, I missed the boat and am struggling to even pull a mediocre team together.” Dustin: “Oh that’s okay, just wondering.” Theo: “That reminds me, I’ve got some great plans for next offseason, I know 09 was a dud and I can never seem to find my checkbook, but just wait till 2012 and 2013!” I guess the curse of the “Great Garciaparra” continues.

Doing (fill in the blank) for Christ

Currently I am reading the letters of Paul, specifically my favorite letter, Philippians. There is so much in Philippians, but one verse that struck me from the beginning was 1: 13, “…I am in chains for Christ”. For some background info, Paul is essentially under arrest for being a Christian, and instead of being sour he demonstrates extreme joy throughout his letter. But the thing that gets me is that he is in chains for Christ, something that is so depressing and sad can become an act of worship! One thing that has been evident about Paul is that he fully dedicates his life to the Gospel, nothing matters more. Despite his beginnings as a Pharisee who publicly killed Christians, Paul had a change of heart and became one of the most active missionaries in the early church. In everything Paul does he tried to do it for the Lord, even being arrested and kept under Roman guard. That (like I wrote earlier) is a great demonstration of faith and example for our lives. How much change would take place if we woke up deciding to live for God and dedicate every moment as an act of worship. How different would I be if I said I am “cooking for Christ”, or “playing baseball for Christ”, or even “studying for Christ”? It would be a HUGE change. It would dramatically change me inside and out, and overall make my life much, much better. While not easy, and it definitely won’t take one day, it is a journey in which God takes us, breaks us, and makes us whole.

Thoughts on Psalm 119

I’ve noticed that I don’t blog much about the Psalms, so here I’ll write about my favorite one. The Psalm I am speaking of is Psalm 119, in my opinion one of the best descriptions of what a life close to God looks like. It is clear throughout all 176 verses (I know, it’s long), that the Psalmist doesn’t just know and believe in God, he’s completely in love with Him! David writes that time after time how much he loves God and His law, he writes that he “will hasten and not delay to obey [God’s] commands” vs. 60, and that “streams of tears flow from [his] eyes for [God’s] law is not obeyed” vs. 136. Imagine that, being so consumed with the love of God that you actually weep at the sight of the injustice in the world! And to those who dismiss David as someone who cries easily, well he was no wimp, serving as a shepherd fending off bears and wolves before ruling as king of Israel. Among the emotions that I feel after reading this Psalm, one of them is envy; I am envious of David’s closeness to God and his love for His law. I’ll admit there are many time when I fall short of God’s standard, but the thing is David did too. During his reign David had an affair with a neighboring woman, killed one of his soldiers, and led a dysfunctional family. How did he go from “there” to “here” one might ask? It is through God’s abounding love and grace alone that we can be fully healed and brought close to Him. David along with the rest of us, was far from perfect, but it was through the love of a perfect God that he repented of His sins and became one of the greatest symbols of faith.

The Other Hot Stove

Well I said I would make fresh pasta, so last Saturday I did. I made fresh fettuccine with homemade pesto sauce. I’ll tell you, you can buy dried pasta and store-bought sauce and have a nice meal, but after making this I just can’t go back. It’s like comparing playing whiffle ball to playing the majors. Every bite was fantastic. The pasta was more filling and hearty. The pesto had great flavor, which I attribute the fresh lemon juice in the sauce. And the color! When I use store-bought pesto it’s this brown-green glob, this was a thin bright green sauce that just blew me away. To be honest though, it took a lot of work considering that I made the dough, rolled it out, and cut it by hand, but it was well worth it; but unfortunately will be a rare treat. Anyway, I recommend looking a recipe up and trying to make pasta yourself, it takes time but the results are great. I’ll post the recipes later.

Good Italian Recipe

Here’s a great Italian recipe I just made for dinner. I found it in one of my cookbooks it’s one of those “old world” pasta dishes called “Paglio e Fieno” which translates to straw and hay. It’s very easy to make and also really tasty.

Ingredients: 1 lb. Egg noodles, 1 cup of light cream, 1 cup of frozen peas thawed, ¼ of pancetta or bacon, Parmigiano cheese, salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons of butter.

How to make it: Fill a pot with water, some oil, and salt and heat to a boil. While waiting for it to boil warm cream (don’t boil) in a saucepan – this shouldn’t take all that long. After the cream is warmed melt the butter in a large frying pan, add pancetta and cook until crisp. (Here the recipe says to drain the fat but that’s where the flavor comes so don’t). When the pancetta is done add the cream and peas and heat on medium, add a few generous spoonfuls of cheese and a good amount of cracked pepper. Heats the sauces on medium until it thickens slightly and then keeps warm. When the water boils add the egg noodles and cook, drain and add to sauce stirring them in until covered. Serve and enjoy. Buon Appetito.

A side note, I made this for my uncle and he said that his dad (my grandfather) would make this with fettuccine, and use half spinach and half plain it sounded good so next time I make this I’ll do that and tell you what I think. Also I’m thinking about making my own fresh pasta so I’ll blog about that.

Thoughts on Pascal and Faith

Well I said I would write about Pascal so here are my thoughts after reading. First off I have to say that it’s funny that I would read Pascal considering my age and that the books he wrote were written in the 1600’s. But little did I know when I picked the book up that God was giving me exactly what I asked of Him in the spring, except now I am more ready for it. The interesting thing is that Pascal writes in little journal entries, some are bullet points others are paragraphs so I will do the same.
· Pascal writes about how a life without God is terrifying and, well, stinks. Throughout my spring and summer I wrestled with tough questions and woke up terrified at the fact that I didn’t know whether or not I believed. I would attempt to force myself to believe stronger but it never worked. God took His time on me to make me where I am today.
· Next Pascal writes that while faith is not 100% guaranteed, it is a reasonable bet. Like what I wrote about the Red Sox in 2004. Also by looking at the simple facts, my life while fully trusting and believing in God was way better and more satisfactory than not, so there must be something to it.
· Lastly we need faith and can’t live alone on reason. Knowledge might sound great but to really know God we need faith. Pascal also writes that faith is a gift; I really liked that because as I wrote earlier I tried to get more faith. It doesn’t work that way as I found out; God took time helping me grow and building up my faith bringing me closer to Him.
Well that’s it for now, unfortunately I have a limited time to read Pascal so I won’t have super-developed thoughts or quotes. One more thing, I am hesitant to say I am “out of” my previous problem or even call it a “faith crisis”. Really, looking back at it, the past six months while painful have been a great blessing, and I now see them as, instead of a problem another step in the journey.

Hot Stove

So, now that the season is over it is time to fire up the hot stove. I know every single prediction I have made on this blog (if anyone can point one out that was right, please make my day) here are my predictions.

Number 1: Last year was a HUGE disappointment, we did nothing to seriously better the team, this year will be different and I expect a lot of BIG names to be thrown around.

Number 2: The first/third/DH position has been a weak point in the sense that it wasn’t defined. I don’t want it to happen but I think Mike Lowell’s name will be thrown around in trades in the hope of getting a big impact bat at first (which leaves Youk to play third). Either that or Mike Lowell will play when he’s up to it and DH.

Number 3: I expect to see a new pitcher, the pitching staff this year was a major disappointment; for the better part of the season the Sox relied on two “maybe come-backs” which really hurt them down the stretch. Thus a new pitcher may be the answer while you could also argue that the rotation is already set: Beckett, Lester, Dice-K, Buchholz, and Wakefield.

Number 4: Here’s a good one, what starts with an s and ends with hortstop? The shortstop position has been up in the air for way too long, the Sox basically had a invitee as the starter for the first half of the season, how many games has Green thrown away (pun intended)? And Lowrie who was hurt all year, and even when he played he was hurt. I think Gonzalez is the answer, he is above average defensively and gave way more than expected at the plate, if Theo is smart he’ll make a deal.

Number 5: Next on the list is leftfield, Jason Bay has been great for the Sox ever since he came to Boston, after the first week he had me cheering “Manny who?” I think it’s worthwhile to sign him for at least a few more years. The only problem is consistency, while hitting a ton of homeruns in the first half of the season Bay fell into a terrible slump and never fully recovered. Then there’s getting over his potential suitors (like the Yankees).

My Thoughts on "The Thoughts"

An interesting thing happened a week ago. I was sitting in my school library near a certain book shelf. Later that day I was sitting by the same books shelf, almost as if I were drawn to it. I happened to look at the books and saw many of the “classics” meaning old books that nobody really reads anymore (mainly on early science and philosophy). Anyway I saw the book written by Blaise Pascal, a Christian theologian from the 1600’s. The interesting thing though is that Pascal wrote a lot about faith, which is particularly relative to my current situation, I guess this is one of those funny ways God works in our lives. Anyway I’ll be posting my thoughts on Pascal’s writings, it’s actually pretty interesting once you get used to his style.

Happy Halloween!

Sports Update

I’m trying to stay quiet to minimize the risk of jinxing the series but I can’t contain myself, Pedro was great! Yes I know the Phillies lost 3-1, but here is a 38 year old guy who wasn’t even pitching in the majors this year and here he is back in Yankee stadium. As for who’s whose daddy, let’s see 6 innings of work, 3 earned runs (one of which was the cheapest homerun ever), and 8 strikeouts. Gee I wonder what the answer is. Hopefully the Phillies can come back to win. Also this year I am determined to watch more Celtics games. Last year was such a painful off-season; I need something to watch so I’ll be more involved with the Celtics, even though I don’t know the first thing about Basketball. Also, my second full year of baseball has ended and here I am left to mull over my successes and failures so I’ll be posting a lot on hitting and mindset/philosophy of baseball.

The Good Kind of Burn

If there is one thing I can walk away with from the past few months, it is that God tests us. God is always testing us, not in a mean way, as if He were trying to stump us. No, God tests us to make us better and in turn more like Him. In my ceramics class, after we fire the clay we glaze it and fire it again at a hotter temperature. The glaze is pretty unimpressive at first, usually it bears little resemblance to the actual color and it’s very dull. But after going through the kiln the color explodes out and becomes bright and shiny and smooth, it is after the second firing the clay truly becomes a work of art. It is similar with us, throughout our lives God is constantly putting us through that second firing, where we transform from a dull caricature to a true masterpiece. Now what if the glaze turned and said “Whoa wait a minute, you’re going to put me through that? Now way Jose, I’m just fine the way I am.” Imagine looking at clay pots covered in a powdery dull paint, having no idea they could be vibrant pieces of art. In our struggles God puts us through a fire to transform us into His own masterpieces; it’s up to us to either follow and let Him or settle for dullness. “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.” Romans 5: 3-4.

Clarification

I was talking with my dad and I feel I need to clarify my last post. My dad raised a good objection to what I wrote. He said “Tay Tay, the greatest people I know are those who are close to God and know Him, also what about witnessing, the disciples knew Jesus was God and they didn’t sit around doing nothing. Also if you knew for sure God existed wouldn’t you devote your life to telling people?” That is true, if Marty looked around and saw Sox fans despairing then he would certainly tell people, just like if I knew the Cubs would win next year I would tell people (sorry I couldn’t help it). My point though is that the Sox series in 2004 is a picture of faith and the way God works. First off, after 86 years and down 3-0 it didn’t look good, it looked like number 87 until the game turned around. To say the Sox would win would have been illogical but also hopeful. It is that hope that I see as a picture of faith. I used to want God to perform a miracle, to do something. After I got the call from my boss to catch at Fenway I thought I was dreaming and actually checked the website to confirm there was a “Fenway Fantasy Day”. Sounds silly but it’s true. Imagine if God preformed a miracle for me, could I not go and say ‘Oh silly me I must have been dreaming, oh no wait I ate chicken for lunch and I know what that does to me” (chicken actually does nothing to me). I guess my main point is this, if there were a “God proof” meaning I could say A=B, B=C, A=C, and that was it then where would there be the hope, the credibility? It means nothing for me to say I believe the sun rose today, it takes faith to say I believe it will rise tomorrow. My last point, knowledge is a lot different than faith, the disciples saw Jesus, the Pharisees saw Jesus, they both saw the same guy do the same things but the disciples (while backed up with knowledge) put their faith in Jesus, the Pharisees (while backed with the same exact knowledge) refused to put their faith in Jesus. While facts and formulas and certainty are good, when a new believer comes to faith it really boils down to the power of God in his life, and his own decision to believe.

Watching with Anticipation

Faith is a lot like baseball. I was thinking about faith after finished “Faith and Doubt” by John Ortberg and I thought about the movie “Back to the Future II”. In the movie Marty and Doc. travel to the year 2015 and while there Marty buys a sports almanac book. So, you could conclude that Marty would know who won the World Series in 2004. In today’s society we like to have certainty, I often get shot down for my beliefs because I “can’t prove it”. In 2004 the Sox were down 3-0 to the Yankees, 86 long years looked like it was about to turn into 87 when something amazing happened, the Red Sox went on to win not only the next 4 to beat the Yankees they also won 4 after that to sweep the Cardinals. While Red Sox fans sat with anticipation, having faith that despite the odds the Sox could win, Marty already knew. Ever watch a replay of a game when you already know the score? I always stop when my team scores all the runs that it will, I know the outcome so why bother? It’s like that in life. We don’t know the outcome, things look bad, we can be down 3-0, but we don’t know the end of the story. Imagine if we knew for sure that God existed, I mean 100% knowledge no doubt whatsoever. Well, what would the point of life be, I mean if what’s the point of living down here if for 70 years (give or take) if all we are doing is waiting to go to Heaven? I’m not saying doubt is exciting, it can be downright terrifying, but without faith life and even worship becomes meaningless. Anyone can watch 9 innings when they know their team will win in the end, it takes faith and trust to watch 9 innings where the ending is unknown.

Even More Thoughts on Faith and Doubt

I have just finished reading this book called “Faith and Doubt” by John Ortberg. It was pretty interesting, but I have to say I walked away from it getting something different than I originally sought. My main thought is this, in faith we need doubt because without doubt there is no faith, I also found through my own experience there is no “God proof” or certainty. I’m going to write a few posts on my thoughts on faith and doubt. I was tempted to say “last thoughts” as if I were “safe” or out of the dangers of doubt now that my faith is more secure, but one thing I’ve realized is that this faith struggle wasn’t a disease that has a beginning and end, it’s not like I “cracked the code”, it’s just another leg in the journey that brings me closer to God.

Good Trades

Imagine if you could have anything in the world. What’s the catch? Oh well…you can only have it for a thousand days, but think one thousand days that’s like 2 years and 8 months (yes I actually did the math out). Well I know what I would want, maybe I would be a really good baseball player and play for the Red Sox, or maybe own a nice Italian restaurant… Well the Psalmist who wrote Psalm 84 had the same idea, but it was a little different. Verse 10 says “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere”. Wow. James writes that faith is shown in our actions and deeds (for more check out James ch.1-3), and this Psalmist definitely expresses his love for God enough to give up a thousand days anywhere he could desire for one day in the courts of God. I wrote earlier about poor trades and Felix was definitely bad at trading, he couldn’t see that to spend even one second in the glory of God is just indescribably amazing. While we won’t get this chance to trade in 2 years for one day in the presence of God we can trade in what gets in our way of God. For example baseball (yes I said it) can definitely get in the way so sometimes I need to tone it down a bit and put God first. While it is never easy it is definitely 200% worth it (number intended).

Poor Trades

I was reading Acts and one thing that stood out to me is Felix. I’ve never really given him much thought until I read this one verse “As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said ‘That’s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you’” Acts 24:25. That is basically Felix-speak for “Hey Paul, what makes you think you can tell me how to live my life, I can change any time I want to, I just don’t want to right now.” At this point Paul has already gone on many missionary journeys, even to the pagan Greece. Then he told the Elders that he must go to Jerusalem where he was arrested and put in jail for a long while. And now Felix, the governor who is “well acquainted with the way” vs.22, wants to speak to him. While I haven’t had any outbursts of yelling at people about where they get the right to lecture me, I have held back a few areas of my life from God. Hey it’s just a few right? Not according to God, Jesus said in Mathew 5:29 that “if you right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away”. Wow that’s tough to swallow, but think of it God is two things, our creator and infinitely good, so for one it is in our own best interest to drop the things that get between us and Him because He knows us best and what is best for us. And also, because He is so good isn’t He worth it? Felix didn’t get it that he was, as C.S. Lewis described it, trading a vacation at the beach for a day in the sandbox.

Sox Summary

Well the Sox season is over, after watching game 1 I didn’t think they had much of a chance of beating the Angels, basically what we saw was a case of good starting pitching, bad bullpen pitching and really quiet offense. I checked the stats and when your top hitter average wise is Jacoby Ellsbury followed by J.D. Drew with .250 and .222 averages respectively you know something is wrong. Overall I think what went wrong was a culmination of what has been going wrong all year, the Red Sox have had trouble hitting against good pitching and the bullpen has been on and off, Papelbon, while arguably very good is not the best closer in baseball and his ineffectiveness which was shown in July was again shown in this series. While the season had its ups and downs (mainly downs towards the end) it was fun to watch and being new to watching the Sox on a regular basis I enjoyed it. I especially enjoyed Lester and Beckett developing as pitchers, mainly Lester as Beckett is older. Another highlight is Wakefield’s first All Star nomination. Lastly were the late acquisitions of Alex Gonzalez and Victor Martinez. I didn’t watch the Sox in 06’ so I never saw the defensive genius of Gonzalez, I only heard stories of the “vacuum” we had at short, and Martinez elite hitting was well appreciated too. Also J.D. Drew had his best year offensively for the Sox hitting 24 home runs and getting 68 RBI’s and compiling a .279 average, and also having a second best (to his .994 in 03) .992 fielding percentage. On to next year, honestly, I think unless the Red Sox spend some money (and by that I mean they can’t be penny pinchers like last year) they will be roughly the same team and will produce the same results, which doesn’t give too us much hope for a better season.

End of the Season

I can’t believe there are only two games left in the regular season! I love the playoffs and all but this season flew by way too fast. So much happened, I feel like I missed it all. The Sox had a good year, and even though there was some trouble with the pitching they pulled it together and really fought through the season to get to the playoffs. Also some hitters really came through, Ortiz had a great season despite his huge slump, Drew has been really good and has had a hot bat for the past two months, Lowell has proved all of us wrong, Bay has been good, Jacoby was the leadoff man we’ve been waiting for, and how could we forget Youk? Well here we are, the ALDS is next week when the Sox will face the Angels and the Yankees will face of the AL Central winner. It’s been a good season and it’ll be hard to wait till April, oh well I guess by November it’ll be back to watching Honeymooners episodes and the Godfather.

Only a Picture

I was helping out in a church near my house last night, I’ve wanted to serve more and so I looked around and found a youth group that I can help lead so I feel very blessed by finding this church. Anyway we were going to watch the movie Radio but only two kids showed up so we watched a short video. It was a short video, about 12 minutes long but it really struck me. The subject was getting to know God and one question the guy asked was “what does God look like?” So we went around in the group talking about what God looks like and when it was my turn I didn’t know. When my faith struggle started I found myself trying to “imagine God” meaning think more about his physical features than Him. The danger in this is we can lean on this picture as truth and then fall away from God. Think of it this way, imagine I paint a picture of a sunset and then someone comes up to me and says “That is the sunset!” Of course it’s not, it is only a picture; it is only a vague idea of the true experience of seeing a sunset. When I was thinking about God in the physical sense I completely missed out on who He really is. The best idea we get is what God told Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to tell the Israelites: I AM has sent you” Exodus 3:14. I now feel that there are only two pictures of God given to us, one is Jesus and then there are those who are close to God and shine His love onto others.

I can't Believe he Missed Him!

I’ve been thinking about this post all week, it’s about a passage that I always read and never thought much, well of course I thought about it but not in this way. One thing that has always amazed me is that the Bible is never the same the second time around, I mean when I read a book more than once of course I may notice something new, but not in the same way as in the Bible, which shows us that it truly is God’s living word. Anyway back to my post; the verse is John 18: 38 “What is truth?” This is a question posed by Pilate to Jesus when Jesus says in verse 37 “Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” What really gets me though is Pilate, I mean in the presence of Jesus, God’s Son, all he can manage is “What is truth” I mean I want to get up in his face and say “Hey! Pilate, dude the truth is right in front of you!” For a moment in time Pilate is in the presence of God and he is unaffected; some people were overjoyed by Jesus and others were angry, but to Pilate this was just another case. This happens to us, we miss Jesus in our lives. In our trials we lose sight of God and forget that He is in charge. In our daily lives we miss the small blessings all around us. One thing I’ve been doing every night is praying to God and saying one thing I am thankful for, whether it be a hit I got in a game, or simply that I have a family that loves me. The point is I don’t want to miss Jesus and take things for granted, because every good thing is a gift from God. Pilate was in the direct presence of God and the only thing that amazed him was His silence; let us not miss the silent blessings around us in our lives.

GO RED SOX

I extended the poll, so please vote! It is an extremely exciting season that (for Sox fans) is taking a turn for the better. The Sox currently have a 7 game winning streak and are behind the Yankees by 6 ½ and ahead of the Rangers by 6 ½. Dice-K came back and was good, as hoped. Beckett has turned around. Lester has been dominant since May. Clay has also been really good. It looks like the playoffs are imminent. One thing I have neglected to talk about is the addition of Gonzalez; my main thought is KEEP HIM! They haven’t had a short stop like him since, well, he played in 2006. It was a great move to get him and he hits well and is great at fielding, ever since he came to the Red Sox he has started every game (except a few) and has contributed in big ways. Also Ortiz, currently he has 24 homeruns (remember the poll in April?) and is hitting pretty well. I’ll predict anything above 25 for him, which will be good considering his slump and the steroid controversy. Overall it has been a good season and while it is not over yet I have to say I am not looking forward to a long baseball-less winter,

It is a Journey

Well I am back to where it all began and gladly in a much different situation. Today was the first meeting on the year of the “Philosophy club”, which is not exactly the very beginning of my struggle but it was when I fully realized there was a struggle. Currently I am back to believing, I have faith and due to both logic but mainly (as C.S. Lewis stressed) experience and trust. So, I am at the stage when I believe/know there is a God and He is the God of the Bible, He is who He is. Now I am at the stage where I want to/need to know God. See that is where the real journey begins, knowing if there is God is really the first step, like knowing where we are going. Knowing God is the journey, or the trip there. For several reasons I fell away from God at a slow pace, and then on one frightening day as I walked through school I realized I there was a problem. I’m learning something new every day; I’m changing every day, that’s what life is all about. 1 John talks about it in detail but I’ll summarize it, sin separates us from God but the journey is to cast off that sin and run towards God. Paul uses the analogy of running a race; imagine that sin is a heavy burden we must carry, Jesus takes that upon Himself so that we may run with open hearts to God’s open arms. About half a year ago I was slowly (yet steadily) taking a wrong turn and I am so grateful that God woke me up to it. Even though I went through all that worrying I am happy (yes happy) that it all happened so that I can be here today. I often heard the analogy of God as a potter; in my school I am taking ceramics (oddly enough I didn’t sign up for it) but to make a pot first I have to take the lump of clay and then knead it into a useful piece, and then I need to smooth it out by running a sharp (unknown tool) along it. Then I dry it until it is fragile and put it in the kiln and fire it so it will be strong. It is a painful process to shape the piece of clay (for the clay, not me) but at the end in my hands is a masterpiece. God shapes us by hand and takes us from where we are in life and works on us to make us a masterpiece, it is a long, hard process, but in the end we are made into something beautiful.

Once Again

I feel there is a need for an apology. I know I already wrote one but this is a somewhat longer and better explanation. For the past few weeks I’ve been going through a writer’s block. I’ll have a great idea and then sit down at my computer and the post doesn’t come out well or I don’t word it well or express my idea. All I know is that I need to organize my thoughts and hopefully put them down coherently. Anyway I’m sorry for my severe lack of posting. Some quick thoughts: I’ve come a long way from my posts in May about how I don’t know anything so that is good, hopefully soon I can write a good deal about that. Also I am going to write down and organize a set of posts on 1 John, and also the Sox are doing pretty well lately, I’m sure they have a chance in the Wild Card.

Good Italian Recipe

I just made the best thing last night to go with dinner, it’s one of those things you never see here in the U.S., but it’s made all the time in Italy. What I am talking about is fried zucchini flowers. Yes that’s what I said, I fried up zucchini flowers and before you say “What the heck is he talking about” listen, even though it sounds weird it actually tastes very good, the flowers have an interesting flavor, it’s kind of what you would expect a flower to taste like, and the batter is light and crispy. If you like the sound of them I’ll give you the recipe. They're pretty hard to find, you'll have to find them at a farm stand, or you could ask a friend who grows zucchini for the flowers. Ideally you want the flowers slightly opened, not all the way closed but not wide open either. Like all other times I cook, I usually take the ingredients and loosely follow the given recipe. So the list of ingredients is…

This recipe made much more batter than needed for the five flowers I had, but I guess you could make it for 10 – 15. You need roughly 1 ½ cups of flour, ¼ cup cold water, ¾ cup milk, ½ teaspoon baking soda, dash of salt, dash of pepper, and one egg. Mix all this together (dry first, then liquid, then egg) , the batter shouldn’t be too thick, but not too thin, I like to dip my finger in to test it, if it drips add flour, if it is thick add water.

Next step is to prepare the flowers. You pick up the flower and carefully cut out the pistil (the thing with the pollen), and then gently take a q-tip (you’ll need a bunch) and scrape the pollen, dirt, and any bugs out. DO NOT WASH IN WATER! The flowers are extremely fragile, and washing in water will tear them.

Then fill a small frying pan with olive oil, till the bottom is covered and heat on high, when the oil is hot dip the flowers in the batter and then put in pan to cook. When they are golden brown on each side they are done. You should put them on a paper towel so to get rid of the excess oil, and then arrange on plate with some salt, pepper, and Parmesan cheese.

Sorry

Sorry for my lack of posting in the past week, I’ve been going through a lot lately and have been thinking a lot so I didn’t have much time to write. I have a few topics I really want to write about, they are 1 John, the Gospels, and the third, developing a relationship with God ties into what I will write about 1 John. I’ve been thinking a lot about faith and what it means, and will write about that also. One thing I will say now is this, when we become Christians it’s not like God hands us a golden ticket to Heaven and that’s it, there is much more left to do, faith isn’t just plain belief in God and His Son, it’s the series of choices in our lives that follow that, in other words, faith isn’t saying “yes” to God in our minds, it’s saying “yes” to God and “no” to the devil in our actions. This is very hard, it’s hard to completely surrender our lives, but fortunately God is very patient, and He helps us.

Is This My New T.V?

It's a little late, but this video is really funny.

Wakefield's Return

I (along with many Sox fans) am extremely excited for tonight’s game, the reason being Wakefield is back! 11-3 record before the all star break (an an all star for the first time) Wakefield was the most dependable pitcher in the first half of the season and his return couldn’t have been at a better time. Hopefully Wakefield can pitch like he did before and help a rotation that badly needs another quality starter. So far the Sox have a 1 ½ game lead over the Rangers in the Wild card and trail 6 games in the AL East. It’s weird I was actually cheering for the Yankees to win, I mean face it there is no way the Sox can win the division (unless there is an impressive flip between them and the Yankees) but they defiantly have a shot at the WC so the Yankees better beat the Rangers. Anyway with the return of Wakefield and the awaited return of Dice-K I hope the rotation will be as good as I hoped for the rest of the season. GO RED SOX!

The Most Important Commandment

I was reading Mark and came across a passage, in it someone asks Jesus which is the most important commandment, Jesus said it is “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” 12: 30 and the second commandment is “Love your neighbor as yourself” 12: 31. The man who asked Jesus agreed with Him saying it is “more important than all the burnt offerings and sacrifices” 12: 33, Jesus replies saying he is “not far from the kingdom of God” 12: 34. That struck me, and even though it is a simple passage I often read with little thought given to it I stopped and thought to myself “Wow, so it is more important to God that we 1) love Him and pursue Him before anything else and 2) love each other as ourselves, than any sacrifice we make.” Nowadays we don’t see many people making burnt offerings, but let’s use the word sacrifice as a modern term, so it’s as if God said to me He would be happier that I love Him and love others than give up baseball. Think about it, when we make a sacrifice it is a painful thing, not playing baseball would be like losing an arm for me, but when we love God and put Him first we naturally take the emphasis away from those things, in the action of loving God we become more like Him and make sacrifices in our lives! What would be better for me to give up baseball or love God so much that I 1) become like Him 2) drop sinful habits that inhibit my ability to be like Him and 3) love Him so much that even a simple thing like playing baseball becomes an act of worship. As for loving our neighbor, God loves all of us and made us and wants us to love each other, think how much it pains Him to see us fight. When we love each other as ourselves we lose that selfishness and become (once again) more like God, we take on His character which is why Jesus died, so that we can do that. Basically Jesus is saying “I don’t want you to give stuff up just to say you are unselfish and you love me, I want you to love me and change for the better because of that and become more like me”.

Red Sox Report

Wow what a game last night! I was very fortunate to be able to go with my uncle and cousin and boy was I surprised. Who would have thought, on the way there I said “So, Burnett vs. Tazawa, gee I wonder who will win” and then 9 innings and 14 runs later the Sox finally ended the 5 game losing streak against the Yankees. Tonight it’s Beckett vs. Sabathia, two aces fighting for 15 wins, this will definitely be a very interesting game and with the way the Sox have been hitting (6 + runs in the past 5) I’m hoping the outcome will be good. Also, I took a ton of pictures so I’ll post my favorites later.

Who's in the Center?

I was helping out at the VBS at my church and while I waited for my dad to pick me up I sat down and saw a book on the table next to me. It was a thin book so I decided I read a little while I waited, I don’t remember much but what I do know that it had to do with the parable Jesus told about the prodigal son (if you want to read the parable it’s in Luke 15: 11 – 31) I am not going to give a full analysis because what this parable deserves could take weeks of posts (and very long posts at that), what I will are two thoughts I had. This parable is one of the three “lost” stories Jesus told, one is about a sheep another a coin, and then the son. In one I believe Jesus show’s God’s care and love as a shepherd, another our immense value to God and the third is a story more about us. There is the father (God) the elder son and the younger son who represents two groups of people (more on this some other time), I am going to write a little about the younger son. The younger son demands his share of his father’s wealth and runs off to spend it, he wastes it on parties and fair-weather friends only to find he lost it all. Soon he hits rock bottom when a famine comes and as he finds himself wishing he could eat the food that the pigs he was taking care of were eating he says “Geez, my dad’s servants have it better than this, see ya pigs I’m going home.” And then he and his father run toward each other and there is a big party and his brother is angry (more on this later). I think that the younger son tells us something about ourselves, the only thing in the world that will truly make us happy is God, and everything done apart from God will never satisfy us. The son was only truly happy when he ran into his father’s embrace; I think that we should do the same. I could wake up and have the life of my dreams but if that life didn’t include God then it would be more of a nightmare. Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127: 1-2. God has incredible plans for each of us, we just have to run to Him and accept them.

Lot's more Posts

I'm going to have a lot of more posts on faith coming up, I'm not out of this struggle yet, I'm more in the beginning of it. I just hope that God will lead me out, I've got a ton of new ideas but I don't want to give it all away. Warning: these posts are basically my own thinking and most likely I'm writing and thinking at the same time so that means they will be jumbled. Also the Red Sox STINK! Bowden, more like BUMden, geez I'd rather have Penny pitch all nine innings! All this talk and nothing but a nine run disappointment!

Go Sox

Looking back on the season, and how Ortiz had a depressing start and bounced back, I don't care if he took steroids or not he is proving himself to be the great hitter we thought he was. Although a .220 avg. isn't all that great (actually it's downright bad), 18 homeruns ranks up there with some of the better hitters in the league (he ranks 3rd so far in the season). Steroids or no steroids David Ortiz is hitting much better than I origionally thoguht (remember the poll) and may get around 25 homeruns this year (who knows maybe more). Let's see if they can get a win tonight!

Dumb Ice Cream Cake Ad

I finally learned the words to the "Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Cake Ad" That commercial has been bothering me for the past few weeks and I finally had the motivation to google it (google sure comes in handy) it seems to me that there are a lot of dumb ads nowadays, the worst was the Kmart layaway ad, it was in mid July when I saw it and it basically says "Hey why enjoy your summer when you can spoil it by shopping for school supplies?" School is the last thing I want to think about in July. The best commercial is the Aflac one with the goat, Na, Na, Na Na Na, Naflac.

He Knows Us

Sorry for the huge block of scripture but I felt I couldn’t convey exactly what I wanted to say without it, so basically either the huge chunk or I write a post with verses every sentence. This Psalm really struck me when I read it and it really shows how much God loves us. I mean, try thinking the verses over, how God knows all our thoughts, how we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” that just knocks me over. I was thinking yesterday how God’s creation is amazing; something so commonplace as a sunset is really extremely complex. I remember that when I family would take a vacation on the Cape I would walk down to the beach to watch the sunset, what amazes me is how different each one was, the mix and blend of colors, everything just shocked me. Also how God made people, think throughout history there is only one you, and there is only one me, it’s amazing how unique God made us, and how He has a plan for us. The Psalm also says that we can’t go anywhere to get away from God; He’s always by our side, even though I am going through struggle with my faith I still know this is a truth. One thing I don’t think I ever wrote about is how well God knows us, He made us and loves us but He also knows us, when we are unsure about what to do with our lives He knows exactly what will happen, I think it’s such a cool thing to think about. Verse 23 says “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” Lately I’ve been praying “God help me love you more than anything else, even though I love this stuff help me love you more” God should be first in our lives, it’s easy to love the things of the world; athletics, people, money, fame… but when we step back God is more fulfilling than any of those things because He knows us and formed us. I really love the word “knit” it’s not like God slapped us together on an assembly line and packaged us up, He knit us, He carefully chose how to go about making us and then with great agility created each of us. Those were just some of my thoughts about Psalm 139: 1-16.

Psalm 130: 1-16

O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise,
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down;
you are familiar with all my ways
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord
you hem me in – behind and before;
you have laid your hands upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your
presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are
there; if I make my bed in the depths,
you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn
if I settle on the fair side of the sea
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for the darkness is as light to You.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my
mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully
And wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
When I was made in the secret Place.
When I was woven together in
the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Pennant Race?

One question I have is this, are the Red Sox still in a pennant race? Well think about it, after six games where they were basically beat up on they went from first to second, not third, not fourth second place in the AL East. While the Red Sox cannot beat the Rays (for some weird reason) I don’t think the Rays really have a chance at the playoffs this year they’re to0 far behind for their division. Currently the Sox are 5.5 games behind the Yankees, well let’s say they win tonight and the Yankees lose, then it’s 4.5 games, soon it may be 3.5… until their tied and one takes the lead. The Red Sox are going to face the Yankees, and if the last series was important than this series is monumental in deciding which team is the top in the AL East, the Yankees are a great team (I know it’s hard to admit it but it’s true) but they caught the Red Sox at a bad time. Think, Ortiz is in a slump, Bay is hurt, Pedroia kept flying out, now Ortiz is putting good swings on the Ball, Jason Bay has three homeruns in his past six games, suddenly everybody is hitting. If the Sox were hitting the way they can they could have won 3 out of 4 (Sabbathia was too good to beat, I’ll give him the win), the Sox and the Yankees have been playing long season and proved to be good, soon it will be time to see who is the best.

Red Sox Report

Finally the Sox get a win, that’s the first game in a while that I watched beginning to end (well I had to leave in the 9th because I was tired). Anyway hopefully the bats will continue to break out, even though they should have scored way more than 6 runs, I am still happy with a win. Penny seemed very strong last night, 6 innings giving up 3 runs (which would have been lower if Drew got in front of the ball). I think that Bay is coming out of his slump; he hit a homerun against the Rays last week and starts the series with a bomb into the Green Monster. Hopefully he can continue this trend and boost his average back to around .280 and get 30 homeruns on the year. Drew has been really good at the plate, he’s the only hitter that I can safely say is doing well, he was great at the plate against the Yankees and continued last night. So now we’ve got the rookie Tazawa on the mound, I hope he’ll do well but I don’t know. The Sox do have a good development system but I’m worried it might be too early, who knows he might surprise us and be great. The Yankees lost last night to the Jays giving them a lead of 5.5 games (still a lot) ahead of the Sox, while winning the division is now out of the question for the Red Sox I think they can manage winning the Wild Card.

New Gadget

I figure Dutch has got the "Followers" gadget so why not Tay Tay? Basically (to my simple computer understanding) you get an update whenever I write a new post so that way you don't miss anything. Anyway if you feel compelled, and if you have the patience to receive notice of every post I write then click the "follow blog" button at the top (or click the button on the gadget). One more question, when hearing the word gadget (which is the word of choice in blogger) who thinks of inspector gadget, I mean I just start humming the theme song!

What are We to Do? Part 2

I hope that in my post on other religions I did not offend anyone; I do not mean to say “Christians are the only ones that are right and everyone else is wrong.” Actually, in some way or another everyone is right. Though not all religions are completely true, they are not all false; everyone on earth (whether they admit it or not) desires a connection to God how they go about it differs. If we all are connecting to one God, naturally those whom He has not revealed Himself would have a different picture of Him. But just because it is a different picture of the same thing doesn’t mean it is correct. Let’s say I zoom in on an object and take three different photos of it, naturally I would get different guess as to what the object is, considering the viewer’s point of view they are partially correct, but they are wrong in saying what the object is. Christianity is a zoom out of the object; you get the whole picture of the world that is what I meant in my earlier post. Christianity presents the world in the best picture possible – as it is, good but broken.

Happy Birthday!

Sorry it's late cause his birthday was yesterday 08/08/09, anyway he turned 7.

New Archiving System

As you can see I am archiving my posts a little differently, instead of archiving them weekly I am archiving them monthly to save space on my blog. Don't worry, if there is an old post you like it is still there but it is bunched with all the others in the same month instead of the same week. I test this out for a short while to see how it works out, so far I kindof like it.

Why Does God Step Back?

I had a thought, now I could be wrong but this is just a thought I had. I think one of the reason’s God took a few steps back from my life is not only to help me grow but to teach me that this is what it feels like to have Him out of my life, it’s like God was saying “Hey Tay Tay, wake up! This is where you’ll be headed if you keep on sinning! This is what a life without Me looks like!” If I am right I thank God for His grace and mercy to show me how awful life is without His presence in my life, and maybe that is part of the growth. Think, when God takes a step back we learn to trust Him and have truer faith in Him; we learn to thrive on real belief and not just a “religious feeling”. Then we learn what life without Him looks and feels like and we choose Him and His will for us when we come back. A life without God is a terrible way to live; I think God wanted me to see that before my sin took me there. When God steps back it’s not that He doesn’t love us, it’s because He loves us that He does; He could baby us all our lives and give us the spirituality of a new believer, or have us grow and truly know who He is and have a lasting relationship with Him. Like I said before faith is not true faith until it is tested, when a storm comes only the strongest will get through it and that is true faith.

Some Jumbled Thoughts

I am amazed and humbled by faith. I wish I knew what else to say but that is all that comes out. I’ve been going on this journey for a few months now and I just realized it never ends, faith is not an object we can obtain, it’s not a measured amount it’s not like “I’ll trade this for five pieces of faith, or five dollars of faith…” Jesus told us we needed a mustard seed sized faith to say “Hey faith is faith, if you believe you’re there!” I wish I could describe exactly what I went through to get where I am, I wish I had all the answers to my questions (which I don’t) but I can say this, I believe in God and love Him for not forgetting me. I may have a down turn, who knows next week I could be back where I started but I do know this, there is more to the world, there is more to life than just living day after day, complex questions can only have complex answers. I’ll reel off all my thoughts in a series of posts later. One thing I used to think was “Okay once I get out of this ‘problem’ I’ll get back to ‘normal’ posts.” One thing I never got is this, faith is a part of life meaning it’s a journey, it is in times of despair that we grow to be more like God (C.S. Lewis writes about this in “The Screwtape Letters”), one more thing true faith is only built after it is tested. I can believe whatever I want but until it is tested and proven strong it will not hold through my life, this is why emotion never sustains us. Sorry if my thought process is, in simplest terms “whack” I’m really tired and I’ve got a ton on my mind, I’ll write individual posts about each thought I had, and then see where God takes me.

Comments on the Game

The Red Sox are a disappointment, and currently are not much fun to watch.

What Are We To Do?

One issue that had hindered my faith in the past was a common one, why are there so many religions in the world? In my English class we read books about many different cultures, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, secular it really struck me how people were so strong, so sure of a different belief; I guess you could say I wondered why do they believe in that as strongly as I believe in this? Well this problem grew until it prevented me from truly believing like I had in the past. Well I decided to do some research I read up on the major religions: Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism, my research came up with some surprising facts. One thing we forget (especially those who say all the religions are true) is that these five religions are amazingly different. Islam believes in an impersonal harsh god who is not as Christians call, a fatherly figure. Hinduism and Buddhism believe in an impersonal god who is not really in a specific place but more in each of us and the world, they also believe that one can believe in as many gods as they desire. They also say that there is no such thing as sin, and in order to become enlightened we must distance ourselves from suffering. Judaism and Christianity believe in a loving God who is righteous, perfect, personal, and a judge. Christianity takes the extra step to say that He loves us and desires us so much He sent His son to save us. What stands out the most is this, we live in a world that is good, we love each other, we (try to) adhere to a moral law that is not our own, but there is something horribly wrong with the world, one look at the news will prove that. Every day we here of good people suffering and bad people living relatively happy lives, but why? Christianity gives us a look at the world as it is: good gone bad. It tells us of a loving creator a fatherly God (why would we love each other so much if our creator didn’t love?) who created a good world and lost it to the devil. Christianity, I believe, gives us the most accurate image of our world and history. I know I wrote about how logic/ reason can’t be the sole reason to believe but I find looking at what we have sure does help a lot.

Trade Deadline

First off today is a special day because I have been on the internet for (about) one year, so happy birthday to my blog. Second, all the festivities aside, here we are after the trade deadline, with three new players: V. Martinez, C. Kotchman, and B. Anderson hopefully these players will impact the Red Sox for the better. Martinez (I think) will start tonight at 1st and Youk will start at 3rd; the Sox are 1 ½ games behind the Yankees so hopefully they can continue winning and the Yanks will keep losing. Also the Sox have a 1 ½ game lead over the Rangers in the Wild Card, it’s a little close but with the way the teams are both playing the Sox will hopefully keep that lead.

Another One?

Like many Sox fans I hoped for the best and suspected the worst, all I can say is I am sad to hear that Ortiz was using steroids. I knew it, I hoped I was wrong but I knew that he was using PED’s, 50 homeruns out of nowhere? The sudden decline and knee injuries? All I can say is that I don’t think he used heavily considering that he doesn’t look much bigger than when he was with the Twins, I think juiced in 03 – 06 and stopped 07 – 09. Another thing I will say, I don’t care if he used steroids, he’s not using them now and is hitting better than ever all it took was for him to believe in himself. Ortiz faked his way into being Big Papi, now he’s earning it. I still am strongly against steroids; there are no short cuts to true greatness, the only path is hard work and determination.

Why Name Tags Aren't All That Great

I have to say that I feel somewhat funny after writing that post (not in the humorous sense but in an odd sense) I feel almost like I woke up after a long sleep, or walked from a dark room into the light, I hope and pray that God will continue to reveal to me who He is instead of who I imagined Him to be. The greatest danger is to characterize God, to refer to Him in human or at least worldly terms this brings Him down to our level only for us to realize our character god isn’t real and not even close to the real God, this among other things is my error it’s easy to imagine God as a large man in a throne in (as Lewis calls it ) a “sky palace” but Heaven and God are both unimaginably hard things to describe and should be left without description. To say “Heaven is like a different world that is white and pure and perfect and golden and musical…” is false, to say Heaven is where God is, is true (Lewis talks about this, don’t think this is completely my own thinking though part of it is). God is too big to be defined, I guess you could describe Him the way He did, He is who He is Exodus 3: 14, that is the only worldly description available for us to use.

Really Long Post About Faith

C.S. Lewis said in his article “Is Theism Important?” that there are two types of faith, faith A and faith B. Faith A is what I am looking for, physical proof that God is real, real knowledge, for example I know that the grass is green. Faith B is different; it is more of a trust or confidence, like in family or friends. I agree with Lewis if we try to get the “religious experience” from pure knowledge then we’ll get nothing. I had faith B, when I first went to church I gained faith B, when I began to pray and read the Bible I had faith B, now I’m trying to find faith A. To put it simply faith A doesn’t exist here on earth the only time it did was a short segment of history called “Jesus’ life”. True faith requires trust, or a better word confidence. I don’t like to use trust in the sense that we “blindly” trust, which it implies to me; confidence is trust but in a different way, it is trusting ourselves. I trust my intellect when taking a test, if I didn’t I would fail. I trust my athleticism when I play baseball, if I didn’t I would be an error and strike out machine. I would trust my instincts if a strange person is walking toward me, if I didn’t I could get hurt. We trust ourselves all the time, we are confident in our abilities and also friends, for example I could say I am confident that my friend didn’t steal (hypothetically) my CD, or I trust him enough with access to it because I am confident he won’t. I am confident that the men who wrote the Bible thousands of years ago told the truth, one, because I am confident in historical accuracy but also I trust that because the historical parts are accurate it is true. I hope this isn’t confusing cause I got some more. If we attempt to prove the existence of God through logic only we will fail, of course there is some logic but then that isn’t faith, it’s knowledge. I love my family, it can’t be logically proven but it is true, I trust myself to know the difference between fact and fiction, I know what happened to me July 15, 2005 and the April before (fact) I know how Christianity changed me more than anything else (fact) I know I heard God’s voice (or a voice that wasn’t human or audibly heard but heard all the same: fact), can I trust myself with this knowledge and pursue faith B along with the logical sense I have? This is a long post but the idea excites me that Lewis pursued the subject I’ve struggled to grasp, I honestly feel God pushed me to buy this book (which I almost didn’t but felt I should) and pushed me to read it and then had me search for this article. Real faith comes through experience I trust my friends because I know them, I trust my family because they raised me, I trust myself because I have to, I trust God because He has revealed Himself to me. God enters our lives periodically (though no routinely) to reveal who He is, Jesus did it to the disciples and so does His Father to us. God showed me grace in hopes I would believe, He showed me love in hope I would return it He will come back again and show me another wonder of life it is up to me to both recognize and return the gift of faith He showers us with.

There's a Light at the End of this Tunnel

I have just one question, how long? I know why this is happening to me but how long will this pain go on, a life without God is unbearable, I’ve been cramming anything I can into my heart just to fill the emptiness, it’s like putting water in a colander, no matter how much I put in it will never be filled up. I read something today that gives me courage, I remembered that I am loved, I remembered the first time I went to my church and felt the love of Jesus for the first time the feeling that I am cared for. I hope God comes back shortly but if He doesn’t I hope I can be strong till then. All I want right now is for this to be in the past, to sit on my front porch with my Bible and enjoy my life, to go to church and feel God’s presence, to write with meaning and clarity, that is what I want and hope for. All I have now is the prayers of my friends and family adn a glimmer of hope for the future.

What is "loving the world" and How do We Stop?

I’ve been going to my dad’s Bible study and lately we’ve been reading 1 John. One verse that stood out to me was 2: 15, “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” But what exactly does that mean? We can’t go around hating the world, it would be weird to wake up and look out the window and say “Gosh I hate this planet we live on!” First off God made the world, second when He made it Genesis 1:10 says that “God saw that [the earth] was good” so to claim the earth is “bad” would call God’s creation bad and thus insult Him. Think about it this way, let’s say you work all day on this special dinner and then your guest comes and spits it out. But then what does hating the world mean? The key word in the verse is “love”, we are to love God, love Jesus, love others as ourselves, but to love the world would put it in the same esteem. Also world in the Biblical sense is not the dirt under our feet but the things of the world: activities, people, money, sin… I like to play baseball, I like to cook, I like my job but if those things ever reach the importance level of God in my life then there is trouble. If I skip my devotions to get to work or neglect my prayers because I’m tired after watching the Sox game, and who knows I could be late for work or really tired, but we can’t let the world get in the way of God. What do we do then? Well a start would be to find a way to integrate God into our life, for example I make a cross sign on my chest and look up before every at-bat and I try to be the kindest and most helpful person at work. It can get tough but we must remember the promise, 1 John 2: 17 “but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

Dissapointed Sox Fan

Hopefully I will be proved wrong, but at the moment the Red Sox are under preforming, they aren't hitting and the pitching is shaky. I don't know what else to say, the only guys who are producing are Pedroia, Youk, and Ortiz; I don't even want to know what happened to Bay but he is headed for a below .200 average if he keeps this up. I sure hope the Sox pull it together cause right now watching their games just makes me angry and sad. The Yankees are going to take the lead and the Sox are headed for a long and tough pennant race.

Catching in Fenway

Tough Love

I was sitting and reading a book by C.S. Lewis called “God in the Dock” it’s a book of essays and letters that Lewis wrote over his writing career it’s really good and I recommend it. Anyway I was sitting in the chair reading and being very tired I dozed off a bit and was thinking about how strong my faith was a few years ago and how weak it is now. I also was thinking about a song, and how I used to listen to a lot of Christian music and then it was like someone poked me in the back and told me to get up. It’s like somebody as whispering it in my ear (God may have been) but I realized that my “faith” a few years ago was just excitement and hype, a belief based on emotion and now the emotion is gone and I am left wondering what happened. I then realized that that is why I hear people, old and young, talk about how when they were younger they had doubts because they lost that hype. When we are newborn Christians God feeds us with milk, He is like a protective mother always watching over us but when we grow up (which can take a year to many years) He takes a step away – not to watch us become confused and leave Him but to help us mature. At some point in my life I was fed solid food instead of milk, and then real food instead of the jarred baby food. I could have been perfectly content to keep on living a life off of milk but then I wouldn’t have the nutrients to grow up and enjoy the physically demanding life I do now. We could be perfectly happy living a life based on continual hype but in the long run it won’t help us at all and we’ll miss out on the real excitement of adult spirituality. It’s a “tough love” thing that God does to us and He ingrains it into His creation, at some point in life He lets go so that we may grab on.

Major League Debut: 7/19/09

Today I caught at Fenway! It was amazing and humbling. I was surprised that I was not as excited or hyped up as I thought I would be, it was weird I stepped on the field and it’s just silencing. I got to sit in the dugout when I wasn’t catching and that was really cool, it didn’t hit me then but to think of it now I was sitting in a dugout and playing on a field that is almost 100 years old and has seen many great players. I caught four times for about 10 – 15 minutes each and having not caught in a couple months is was tough but fun. It’s amazing the people I saw there were groups that were giving donations ( I would catch for one group) and there were small kids, old people, cancer survivors, and even at one time cancer patients, it was amazing. My dad took tons of pictures which I will post later, it hasn’t really hit me but tomorrow I think it will. I just have to thank God for this, you can’t make this stuff up!

My Faith Struggle

I am one step closer to being out of my spiritual struggle. This has been going on for a few months in which I have desperately tried to believe but found myself just out of reach of the faith that I needed. My dad took me to his Bible study, I was a little nervous but the guys that were there were really nice and funny and I had a great time. Anyway, these were all older men, much older that I am and we started talking; one guy comes up and talks about how when he was in college he had doubts about his faith and stopped believing for a while. When I heard that it hit me like a truck. Here is an older, wiser man who admits that he had doubts, I was amazed because the same thing happened to me. Throughout our lives the devil does his best to separate us from God and keep it that way, he can’t stand seeing us grow closer to God and will through anything he can at us: sin, doubt, addiction, the list goes on and on. It is our job to stick through it, to buckle down and say no to the devil. I tried to believe and I am still trying because I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I’ve listed to and read a fair amount of testimonies but nothing hit me harder than what that man said, I thought to myself “Geez, if a guy can go from believing to doubting and back to believing this has got to be more real that I have been thinking.’ I hope to have more faith soon and I pray God will give me strength.

A Day at Fenway

You won’t believe what I am doing tomorrow so I’ll post pictures later to prove it. I am catching at Fenway Park for the Jimmy Fund “fantasy day” event. I work at a baseball camp and my boss called up (knowing I catch) and asked me if I would like to help out, of course I said yes so I’ll be at Fenway tomorrow. I see it as such a great example of the way God rewards perseverance. Here I was in the spring sad that I was cut and that same day I went to the baseball facility to catch for a pitching class and here I am. I thank God for His grace and kindness and the opportunities He gave me to serve Him.

Here are a few Pictures from Oregon

Rose Garden

Mt. Hood

Haystack Rock

4th of July

Some Really Good Drills

Here are a few great baseball drills that really help you develop a quick and powerful swing, quickness is key in hitting it doesn’t matter how strong you are, if you aren’t quick you won’t hit. What most people don’t know is that hitting is all lower body; most guys use aluminum bats and develop a long swing that is all arms. To fix this I take my bat in my left hand (I’m right-handed) and choke up and then take about 10-20 swings off my tee to start off my workouts. This will help you bottom hand (because I’m right-handed that is my left) get through the zone quickly and pull your bat through. If you ever watch the homerun derby you see guys flicking their bats out and smacking the ball; that is what this teaches you to do. Next is a BP drill, you get someone to give you underhand soft toss, but they do it “rapid fire” style. Basically they flip you one ball after one another helps you get a quicker swing and better reflexes. Those are some more of my hitting tips I hope they help you wherever you play, but remember it’s all about having fun and giving the glory to God.

What the Psalms taught Me

Well this is a cool moment, this is the first post written on an airplane; I scribbled down some thoughts while on my trip to Oregon (I keep saying it but I’ll get the pictures up later). I wrote earlier that I came to a rocky spot in my faith a friend suggested that I read the Psalms. I’ve read the Psalms before but never thought much of them, then as I opened my Bible it hit me. I used to envy other people for how “rock solid” their faith seemed and if there is anyone to envy it’s King David. King David was chosen by God to be king and was often called a “man after God’s own heart” but wait a minute! The same guy that wrote “It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name O Most High” Psalm 92 also wrote “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Psalm 22. David’s faith wasn’t perfect, one glance at the Psalms shows that at times even he got lost. I just started reading “Surprised by Joy” written by C.S. Lewis and one thing that shocks me is that the faith giant that wrote classics like “Mere Christianity” and “The Screwtape letters” struggled and even was an atheist for a while! God can use everyone, even someone who once rejected Him, and one thing I noticed is every time my mind wanders off, every time I get a little too far away He always draws me back to Him. Life is not a perfectly paved journey it’s more like a dusty dirt road; I fell down in my faith I still stumble sometimes but I know that God never gives up and never stops drawing us toward Himself.