Hold On

I realized that I have not written in a while, and am shocked by the fact that I have yet to write in November. It’s not that I have not been thinking much, rather that I have been thinking a lot but am not sure exactly about what. It seems that time goes so quickly here that I find myself taking bounds through the weeks with little time for reflection. Well with my work out of the way, I find myself in a reflective mood late on a rather quiet Friday night. For now, all I can seem to think about is that no matter what we do in life, we will always be put in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations. Though I turn in every direction in search of something familiar I find myself faced with foreign faces and situations. I suppose that comes with the territory in living on your own and trying to settle in. That said, I’m in a period of my life where I truly need to rely on God and trust in His goodness and love. It is very tough to settle in where you can’t exactly find a place to settle. Those are times where we must rely on God, because though the ground underneath our feet is unstable He is a rock for us to hold on to. Hebrews 10:23 says “let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for He who promised us is faithful.” Note, it says hold to the hope we profess. Not let us hold to our grades, athletic achievements, or abilities. We are to rely solely on God—and He always comes through. If there is one thing you can take away from this, I guess it’s that no matter what life throws at you just hold on and stick through it. In my playing days (which I fear are coming to an end) I had to prepare for anything in my at-bats. The pitcher could drop a curve or a changeup and if I could not react I would walk away shaking my head in frustration. In some ways life is like that: we have to be able to adapt and rely on God’s strength to get us through the tough times, because He is always there and willing to help.

He Is our Hero

           Due to the fact that Halloween is in the middle of the week this year, my friends elected to dress up this past weekend. I chose to dress up as “Clark Kent turning into Superman,” and I feel it came out pretty well. I wore a superman shirt underneath a dress shirt and bought fake glasses to top it off. Why am I telling you this (I doubt anyone really cares about what I dressed up as)? Well, I have been thinking a great deal about our naturally sinful nature. Last year I became sidetracked when it came to my faith; I simply stopped focusing on whether or not I was doing THE right thing, and instead focused on what I thought the right thing was. I ended up getting very far from the path I once held very dear to my heart.

            Just recently I’ve begun to realize just how far I got off that path. I always thought I was like superman—I figured I was invincible to any attack on my faith, beliefs, and values. It’s extremely proud I know, but I always figured I would never get that far away from God. Just recently I’ve realized that I am not superman, I’m just regular old Clark Kent. It was a crushing blow, but one I desperately needed. Imagine if I continued on in the disillusion the devil was every so happy to see me suffering in. Lately in FCA I have been leading a study in Hebrews (great book by the way, definitely read it), and one thing I’ve been dwelling on is the idea of the “new covenant.” Hebrews 10: 19-23 states that

 "Since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to   God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

           That is some pretty heavy stuff. Jesus presented the sacrifice to end all sacrifices; He is the ultimate do-over when it comes to our lives. We may be fallible but God is not and He can save us. Far too often we look to people around us, and even ourselves, to come through and be perfect. Far too often we find ourselves terribly disappointed. When God came He took away the old covenant based on obedience and replaced it with a Savior who bridged the gap between God and us. There are no such things as superheroes, but there is a God who can fill that role in our lives, a God who can be our hero if we let Him. Without God I’m just regular Tay Tay, but with God I can be superman, that is, if I allow Him to work on my heart to get me to that point.

Prayers During the Storm

Prayers our to my New England readers during the storm. May everyone be safe and stick it out over the next few days. The weather reports say that this should be a heck of a lot worse than Irene, but hopefully we can all get through it unscathed.

Hold On To What You Believe

In light of my recent revelation the other day I thought of a quote by C.S. Lewis. Any longtime readers will know that I am a great admirer of Lewis’ work over his career—in fact it is C.S. Lewis who is my main inspiration to become a writer. Anyway, I was meditating on a quote from Mere Christianity in which he writes that “faith is the art of holding on to things our reason once accepted despite our changing moods.” I always liked that quote, yet never found it applicable until recently. Throughout my recent struggles I never once stopped believing. I held on to my faith in God despite what was going on around me. As I ventured further down the path though I began to lose faith, I still believed but I did not act on it as much as I should have. I let anger, resentment, frustration, and confusion cloud my mind. I thank God that He pulled me from the depths when he did or I might have lost faith completely. The Christian life is not meant to be a walk in a park full of roses. It is gritty, dirty, messy, and completely rewarding. Over the past 7 years you could make a case that there has been more bad than before I became a Christian (of course, this 7 year journey began when I was 12 so that argument loses some credibility) however, I have been happier, stronger, and infinitely more joyful. The devil may throw what he can at me, but we have God on our side. The past week has been an awakening of sorts. I’ve realized the decrease in my faith, and am glad for it. I have written it many times: we do not like to look in mirrors. We need to though, and that is what God is showing me. Don’t lose hope friends, God is there for us always. Remember what you once held dear, because those feelings were true. Though dark times may cloud our vision of the future, we cannot forget what once held as truth. 

Who Is Your Number 1?

I was thinking about my post the other day and I think I’ve had a change of heart on the subject. I was asked how my faith life is going and I responded with a similar answer to that found in my post, and I found that it lacked conviction. I couldn’t quite believe it; I was not content with simply throwing the credit upon God and not looking at myself. James writes, “grow close to God, and He will grow close to you.” I am feeling far from God; perhaps it may be because He is stepping back to let me grow, or maybe there is another reason hidden inside my heart. This past Monday I led FCA in a Bible study on Hebrews 4; we focused on the image of Jesus as our High Priest. Back then the title of High Priest was a big deal; he was the number one, the closest human to God. Jesus is the supreme High Priest, the Priest to end all Priests if you will. I asked a question to the members of the Bible study: Is Jesus your High Priest? Is Jesus your number one? I’ve been mulling over that question, and the answer, all week. The answer of late—no. When I was young and in the “honeymoon phase” of my faith I always thought and reflected on God. Sure there were times when I was more focused on my studies or friendships—but God was always a priority. Now, well life has gotten in the way. I think about a possible career, grades, my health, my friends, the list goes on and on. Lately God has taken a back stage on my mind; it would be folly to put that on Him, this time it is on me. So what do I do? I’ve been reading my Bible, praying, and going to church, what am I doing wrong? I need to live and breathe my faith. I need to look at every moment as a way to share God’s love with others. I need to look for ways to steer others towards God. Life isn’t about me, it’s about God’s purpose for me. Jesus gave us His life so that we no longer have to follow a set of rules to achieve perfection. The price? He only asks for our loving obedience, and consequently our lives. The price is steep but the reward is far greater than we could ever imagine. Sitting here right now, I can say that I miss having God’s strong presence in my life; there is still a glimmer of His light in me but it is up to me to grow closer to Him and hear His voice in my heart.

Lost in the Fog

Hey all. I realized that I haven’t written in a while; my last post implied a follow up on how my change of heart would impact my life yet I have not written a word. This is not because I have neglected my Bible study, or my prayer life. Instead it is because, perhaps for the first time, I have nothing I feel strong enough to write about. A while ago I read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Warren wrote about dry spells in faith; how God takes a few steps back from the spotlight in our lives and lets us alone to grow. In these times we make a choice, whether or not we will stick it out through the storms, or whether we will sink and leave God. I never thought much of those dry spells, I always figured God would be close by when I needed Him and I would always hear His voice. Now is different though. I pray, read my Bible, go to church and God still remains relatively silent. Before I would get such a stirring in my heart that I would rush to my keyboard to profess that which God had told me. Now I barely feel a beat within my soul. It’s a very bad time for this to happen as I am in the middle of organizing a Bible Study and getting it recognized on campus. All my power and ability to control this process is lost with my connection to God, all my ability to act is gone. If there is one lesson that may be learned at the moment, maybe it is that God wants me to understand that this is all His good work, that without His grace I can’t accomplish much. I’m going through this blindly, and I know that God is there I just hope He comes out of the fog and tells me what is going on.