Link to the New Blog!!

Check it out, all posts have been imported over so it's the same content with a new look!

http://taytaysrandomblog.wordpress.com/

New Blog Same Content

So the email that I use is going to be terminated because I am switching over to gmail and for some reason Google does not allow you to use a gmail account for blogger. Now I have no idea why this is and to me it does not make good business sense but those are the rules. As you can imagine that means this is the end of this blog (note italics). I will continue on the writings of Tay Tay but I'm taking it somewhere else. I am going to start again on Wordpress with a new, updated, modernized blog which by God's grace will hopefully grow.

When I started this blog back in 2008 it was an incredible journey. I never thought for a second that my ramblings and thoughts would be read by people all over the country and world, and it truly is humbling. Whether you've been reading all along or just started I want to say thank you and God bless you.

Once I get the new blog set up I will post the URL, until then hang on tight and keep reading!

Obey and Love

As I continue to plough through the law I have gotten to Deuteronomy. I always liked Deuteronomy the most out of the books of law, but that’s probably because it was written as a speech, not a list. One thing has struck me though as I continue reading.

I never quite relish reading through Leviticus or Numbers, actually I find it tedious. So many laws! So many laws written in one giant long list ranging from sacrificial procedures to the correct way to eliminate mildew, it’s too much sometimes. Added to that the fact that so many of these laws are abolished by Jesus’ coming and why bother reading them? Well I got my answer in Deuteronomy.

Moses is said to have written Deuteronomy and one point he stresses is that to obey the law is not out of a sense of duty, rather it is love. The law is love. That really hit me; chapter 11 is designated with the heading “Love and Obey the Lord.” You see even before Jesus obedience to God was centered on love, not just fear. Sure you need to have fear of the Lord, but who wants love or respect out of fear? No, above all God wants His people to remember how He guided them and saved them, and He wants them to love Him back.

Moses writes “Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements…” (11:1). “So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul…” (11:13). Note that, it is about love, not obedience or fear.

When you love someone, anyone really, you will do as they say because you want to. A child who loves his mother or father will obey their commands, an employee who loves his boss and his job will do as his boss says. We are God’s people, if we love God then obedience should be easy, or at least simpler. Think about your relationship with God, is your obedience centered on love or fear and guilt? Focus on loving God, fall in love with Him and His word and you will find obedience a natural step.

Time to Start a New Journey

I must say I find it odd that I haven’t been blogging at all. And I find it odd that I find that odd; after all I do have the power, time, and ability to blog why should I be falling off. It is interesting, in my times of despair I did nothing but blog, it was easy I had so much to say. Now that the smoke has cleared and I have reached a level state of happiness I find myself coming up short.

I will be moving soon and so the time has come to sift through all my belongings to decide what stays and what doesn’t. As I’ve been going through my belongings I have gotten a chance to look through my extensive collection of books. What I have found is interesting: I have three Bibles and countless books of theology. I have the “tools” to learn, but my recent drought of blogging is a result of not using them. It’s as if I have a membership to a gym, and go there but do nothing while expecting to get stronger.

I have been immensely busy this summer, but no matter what my business may be throughout the day, my dedication to growing towards God must be number one. Sure I have found a moment of peace and find myself to be more successful and happy then ever, but I’m not blogging, I don’t really have the joy that I need. Sure I’m very happy, but do I have joy? What if one thing should go wrong, how will I react then without the strength and fortitude that I’ll need? I passed the test, but it is not the last.

And so I promise you this, I’m going to get my nose in a book and my thoughts toward Heaven. Sure I can waste each day focusing on the daily business of life, but there is more than this and I intend to rediscover it.

Revisiting an Old Idea

I have long said that Philippians 4:13 is my favorite verse. It says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Being the perennial underdog I found a great deal of comfort in this verse, I liked knowing that I could do the impossible, I liked the thought that though I had several limitations I was unbreakable and could beat the odds, it made me feel strong.

Lately I’ve come to realize that there are many things I cannot do. There are battles in my life that I won’t win, goals I’ll never see accomplished, and dreams that will die. It was very hard early on this year to realize that I was severely flawed and there were things I could never beat. My own strength and capacity were not enough, I had better quit fighting or waste away in the process. Does this mean that the verse is not true though, could it be that I based my life off of a lie?

The answer is yes and no. Yes because of my interpretation, but no to what I find it really means. I took the verse quite literally, I thought I was superman and nothing could beat me. I thought my goodness and drive would keep me safe and that no matter what happened around me I could just dust my shoulders off and keep on moving. It’s not the case though, there are things I simply cannot do. So, what does “all things” really mean? I think that it means that after all I have been through I am still here. I survived, I lived through it and grew in my faith. When life got tough I stumbled but I did not give up or give in, I never lost hope. I won’t be a major league baseball player or super rich and famous, but I will have my faith, my strength, and the people who love me. At the end of the day that is what “all things” means to me, that no matter what I go through I’ll keep going strong by God’s strength. While I had to lose some tough battles, I take great joy in knowing I still have God despite all that I went through.

Just some Thoughts

I've noticed a trend lately. This blog mainly was dedicated to what I read in the Bible or elsewhere, now it seems to be primarily based on my own life and struggles. It's an interesting transition, and I hope to get back to the Bible as I step up my reading a bit (or at least commit a bit more). Still I feel as though in posting thoughts on the Bible it was more of the "in class" work and this year has been God giving me some "hands on experience." In other words, I read the book and now it is time for the test. Still, I will try to balance both writings as I continue onward. I feel as the storm has finally passed but I know God will continue to guide me as I grow closer to Him. When I walked into Holy Cross I was a proud, immature boy. Somehow God has grown me to become a man who desires to be humble, and committed to His word. All I can say is it is a miracle but that's just how God works. It was a hard road and it is just beginning.

Forgive for Your Sake

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. I’ll admit it, for all I say about the need to forgive, I find it difficult at times to forgive those who hurt me. That’s my stubborn Italian nature kicking in at those times, “Why should I let them get away with it?” I ask, should not they get some sort of backlash for how they treated me? Well we can debate the merits of revenge all day, but really what good does it do? Revenge is a perverted sense of justice in that hurting someone else does not undo what they did, instead it fuels a fire that could potentially burn forever.

Still, it’s hard to not be mad at someone for hurting you, I know the feeling quite well as it has been a struggle for me. But God commands us to forgive, the Our Father prayer that Jesus gave the disciples says “forgive us as we forgive our debtors.” So in not forgiving others, we are setting ourselves up as not being forgiven by God. Jesus also commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves and love God above all, so not forgiving someone or harboring hatred against others is hardly in line with that command.

So what are we to do? C.S. Lewis once wrote that forgiveness is not about saying what someone did to you is ok, but it’s about saying you won’t let it get to you. There is a quote that says not forgiving someone is liking drinking poison and expecting them to die. Either way it seems that forgiveness is more for our benefit than the person who hurt us. In my case, if I refuse to forgive someone who hurt me, I end up dwelling on it and become drawn into this cycle of anger. Each reminder of them hurts me further and causes me to lash out against those around me. Now what life is that? I end up giving them more power over me, rather I should take the initiative to let go and let God rule my life in love.

So if you harbor anger ask yourself how it benefits you. Sure you feel strong and tough, you feel like you are in power and that they had better not cross you again, but in reality are you free? Letting go can be tough, especially when the wound hits home, but pray and ask God to fill you with love rather than anger.

Summary of the Year

The problem with having a job as a writer is that I feel I only have so many words in me before I burn through them. So while I consistently pound the keys as a sports writer, my writing for fun begins to dwindle, and so I find this blog lacking in posts. Still, I have had a nice break off from school and am ready to take a good, hard look at what God is doing in my life, and also what He is revealing through His word.

For starters I want to break down the year. This was the worst and best year of my life. It’s a contradiction I know, but you’ll soon see how it is the truth. I once wrote about my time in a ceramics class, and how just as the clay needs to go through the kiln so God puts us to the test so that we may grow. When I was named leader of FCA I was in no way ready for the great undertaking that God had given me. I was a proud man, I thought I was invincible and that became my greatest downfall. I never judged other people, not harshly at least, but I always felt that I was set apart, that I was somehow special. Well I may have thought I was superman, but I quickly found out how lost I really am without God. This year was the tipping point; God allowed all sorts of troubles to enter in and tear me down. One after another battered my soul, causing me to spiral into a depression, nearly leaving my post as president of FCA.

Looking back, I’m grateful for all that. I’m grateful for the pain, struggle, loneliness, and hurt. I’m grateful for the mirror God held to my face so I could see how far I had to grow, and I’m grateful for the people who deserted me. Looking back, this year was the kiln. My pride is gone, so is my ego and sense of invincibility. Instead I am much more humble, dependent on God, and vulnerable. My conversion eight years ago was not the last time I would need to bow on my knees and let God take over, instead it was the first. Every day is a chance for me to recommit my life to God’s work, heck each minute I need to “die” as Paul wrote numerous times in the New Testament.

So where am I now? Well, I have found a renewed sense of peace, I am no longer mired in depression and can honestly say that God has granted me the joy I had prayed for all year long, I just wasn’t ready for it until recently. This isn’t the last time I will be put in the “kiln,” there will be many times God will grow me as I continue on my journey with Him. While it may feel that I am alone, those are the times God is most invested in my life as He saved my life eight years ago and continuously watches over me and guides me. All I can do is say “thank you” and follow His call to wherever He leads me.