Summary of the Year

The problem with having a job as a writer is that I feel I only have so many words in me before I burn through them. So while I consistently pound the keys as a sports writer, my writing for fun begins to dwindle, and so I find this blog lacking in posts. Still, I have had a nice break off from school and am ready to take a good, hard look at what God is doing in my life, and also what He is revealing through His word.

For starters I want to break down the year. This was the worst and best year of my life. It’s a contradiction I know, but you’ll soon see how it is the truth. I once wrote about my time in a ceramics class, and how just as the clay needs to go through the kiln so God puts us to the test so that we may grow. When I was named leader of FCA I was in no way ready for the great undertaking that God had given me. I was a proud man, I thought I was invincible and that became my greatest downfall. I never judged other people, not harshly at least, but I always felt that I was set apart, that I was somehow special. Well I may have thought I was superman, but I quickly found out how lost I really am without God. This year was the tipping point; God allowed all sorts of troubles to enter in and tear me down. One after another battered my soul, causing me to spiral into a depression, nearly leaving my post as president of FCA.

Looking back, I’m grateful for all that. I’m grateful for the pain, struggle, loneliness, and hurt. I’m grateful for the mirror God held to my face so I could see how far I had to grow, and I’m grateful for the people who deserted me. Looking back, this year was the kiln. My pride is gone, so is my ego and sense of invincibility. Instead I am much more humble, dependent on God, and vulnerable. My conversion eight years ago was not the last time I would need to bow on my knees and let God take over, instead it was the first. Every day is a chance for me to recommit my life to God’s work, heck each minute I need to “die” as Paul wrote numerous times in the New Testament.

So where am I now? Well, I have found a renewed sense of peace, I am no longer mired in depression and can honestly say that God has granted me the joy I had prayed for all year long, I just wasn’t ready for it until recently. This isn’t the last time I will be put in the “kiln,” there will be many times God will grow me as I continue on my journey with Him. While it may feel that I am alone, those are the times God is most invested in my life as He saved my life eight years ago and continuously watches over me and guides me. All I can do is say “thank you” and follow His call to wherever He leads me.