Still Day One

When I was a young boy, way before God found me, all I wanted to be was what I am now. I wanted to be big and strong, smart, a good athlete, a leader. Over the years God has given me exactly what I’ve always wanted; I have an internship with a newspaper, I’m the leader of one of the fastest growing clubs at Holy Cross, I’m playing in an amateur baseball league. Life couldn’t get any better for me, yet there is something missing: God.

All my life I live this battle to be the best; I fight and claw my way to the top only to find that having what I wanted is boring, I need something else. Sure I believed in God, sure I devoted my life to Him but I didn’t hand over my ego and pride. Wanting to be my best is not bad at all, relentlessly pursuing perfection at my expense is. I will run myself straight into the ground, my enemies can just watch as I become my own undoing.

Currently God has thrust me straight into “the kiln” to build off of an earlier analogy. God has essentially taken my word and requested I back it up. I talk the talk, now it is time to walk the walk. My former pain and loneliness was replaced by denial, then anger, then confusion, and now I sit in the school library not really knowing what to do, but knowing that there is an end to my story.

It was eight years ago that God found me, He saved me for a reason (as I said before) and has a good work planned for me. I strayed a few times, and fought, but He never let me go. In FCA I see the reason I became a Christian in the first place, it was all about finding the love of God and sharing it with others. It was about believing in something worth believing in, fighting a battle that wouldn’t go down in vain. I’ll keep fighting, heck I might write a book some day, but for now it is not the end but the beginning of my journey. God is not done with me, He’s not even close. Eight years in and it’s still day one.