Is This What Peace Feels Like?

Hello, while I will not be done until Tuesday I felt compelled to write since frankly, I miss it. It really is hard to believe that this year is just about over, if someone were to show a picture of where I am now, to myself in November I don’t quite think I would believe him. When I started this year I had a rough plan for how I wanted this year to go, and I can say with a high degree of certainty that nothing could have planned me for everything I experienced this year.

I’m having volunteers write their faith stories to be put in a “book” for all the members of FCA. I am sharing my own, and it has brought me a great realization. This year has been one marked by pain and anger, but in writing my faith story I realize how truly blessed I am. God took an angry little kid who had no future and made him into the man who types these very words. If that is not a miracle I do not know what is. Sure I may not have everything that I always wanted, and while my life has not been easy it is still one I am immensely proud of.

I think my anger and pain that plagued me from October onward was one of frustration and desperation. I didn’t look at the good in my life, instead every time I looked in the mirror I saw my scars but not the joy that healed them. It truly is amazing, that God foreknew what I would be now, and what I will become in the future. It truly puts me at a loss for words. It is just so humbling to see how God works in my life and the lives of others despite my not deserving it. At the end of the day I can feel sorrow over feelings of loneliness, anger, or pain but I know that while this world will fail me God won’t. It has been a big two years, ones that have completely reshaped how I relate to God and others. I think that for the first time in a while I can sit back and thank God for the pain in my life because in the end it brought me closer to Him.

Once my brain recharges when I get home I will be sure to write more often, until then I must study in a panic as I count down the moments until my summer begins. God bless.