Sometimes I Need to Be Carried

I didn’t want to write this post, and I don’t know whether or not it is a good idea to post this. Still, I feel compelled to, I feel that this is something I need to say. I often offer support, wisdom, and prayer to you but now I am the one in need of prayer—lots of prayer. I feel that with writing this blog comes a great responsibility to be an exemplary person, but as a 19 year old kid I have much maturing and growing up to do. That is something I rarely admit, but something I really need to admit.

            The most popular vices seem to be pride, greed, or sex. However, while I face many temptations as a young man, my greatest vice is anger. I, Tay Tay, am an angry, resentful person. There, I said it. It’s not just that I have a short fuse (like all Sicilians) it’s that I have a burning anger over the many “injustices” done to me over the years. This causes me to be frustrated at best, and unforgiving at the worst. This anger is not just mismatched and spread all over the place, instead I direct it at my family.

            Why am I writing this? Mainly because I cannot stand to write so many blog posts about loving others and continue to act like a saint in public while in the comfort of my home I lash out at the people who love me the most. This is my confession to you, my readers. I am not perfect, I am a fallen and sinful young man who needs God’s forgiveness, love, and above all help. Pray for me, pray for my family that they may forgive me and that the relationships I continue to destroy may be healed. It is one thing to be young and angry, but it is a different and worse state to be old and angry at the world. Someday God will entrust me with a family of my own. I pray that when that time comes my heart will be healed and I will look with love at my family and the world, and not this anger and hurt that clouds my vision.

            I wanted to share this with you because now, instead of giving advice I am in need of it. Instead of giving prayer I need to be prayed for. Sometimes even the people God trusts great responsibilities with need to be picked up by those they help. Right now I need God to carry me and show me how to become a better man, how to repent, how to fix what I have so carelessly and selfishly damaged.

            Above all, I am sorry.