Joy through the Pain

I figured I should post an update since it has been a short while since I last wrote. For those waiting for Week 5 of my study on Psalms fear not, it will be up tomorrow. For now I need to organize my thoughts.

Surely I still feel joy, but at the moment a level of happiness is absent. I know full well that God is at work behind the scenes of my life, I know that He wrote this story and because of that I know that if I listen for Him I will find peace.

So great is the pain in my life and even greater have been my efforts to pretend it does not exist. Denial is a bad thing because first it takes away your peace of mind, then your joy. I have joy again, I can delight in God again, and I am facing my demons head on and know that with God’s help I will overcome. This is not my fight, my past is not my fight, it is God’s fight.

Where am I now? Honestly I don’t know, but I am at peace with that. I am laying my demons to rest one by one, and it starts with recognizing them and acknowledging they exist. This is of a highly personal nature so I will not (and may never) elaborate, but just know that no matter how people look on the outside, there may be incredible pain or a story you only see in movies on the inside. Many see me and make a snap judgment that my life has been easy all the way. Well, they’re wrong, and I could get angry and furious or I could see it as a story God had planned for me, as a sign that our world is deeply flawed but God has a way of working around it to bring us to Him.

I am still thankful to God and always will be, pray for me as I continue my journey in joy. This is not the old pain of ignoring my faults and drifting further from God into depression. This is the pain of growing up and facing my faults knowing that relief and peace await me once I master the storm.