Where do I go from Here?

I sit in my room a week away from my being once again saved. It’s a pretty amazing moment; on one hand I feel stronger now than I have ever felt yet at the same time I am fully aware of my weakness and how desperately I need God to continually strengthen me.

Many of my problems still persist, indeed there is still a great weight upon my shoulders that is gradually being lifted. The thing that has changed though is my attitude and perception of my life and surroundings. Though hell may break loose around me, I know without a doubt that God is still there and He has a plan for me. I could have left Holy Cross or left FCA, but God has some plan for me that counts on my being where I am. When I went to Holy Cross for the first time I knew that I had to go, and that need to be here is slowly being revealed before my eyes.

There are so many kids who are misunderstood like me, so many kids forgotten and left behind, throw out by the world because their stories are “too ugly.” I do not know why I was saved when I was, I do not know why God refuses to let me fail, but I do know that He loves me and that is all that matters.

Now I stand back on my two feet, still facing monsters as always but this time I’m standing on the rock of my faith, not on the quicksand of my “funk.” The question now is where do I go? Where will I go from here? You’ve got me back God, so where will you take me? It’s a terrifying yet fantastic feeling. Every day is another piece of the puzzle as God leads me to become the man He had in mind when He formed me 20 years ago. It’s a journey and one that is never easy.

I thank God for saving me again, I thank Him for not forgetting me when I forgot myself, now I ask that He show me the way because I am standing again and ready to go wherever He may lead me.

It is fitting now, as I start a new journey I am reminded of the first verse of the Bible I ever committed to memory: “Your lamp is a light to my feet and a lamp to my path.” Psalm 119:105.