I Never Knew How Good He was Until Now

            For the past five years I’ve been writing on this blog about how great God is, how much He helps me in my life, and how important faith is in our lives. For the past year or so I stopped believing in those truths as faithfully as I have in the past. I allowed life to get me down, and instead of getting back up like I always do I just stayed put and didn’t budge. After my retreat (which I am extremely glad I went on) my faith has grown and God has truly done a good work on my heart to shape me to become the man that He wants me to be.

            Simply put, God revealed Himself to me this past weekend. For a long time I’ve been asking God to show me some sort of sign that He is working on me. I asked for a sign so I would know that I’m not alone. God didn’t respond right away though, so I kept on asking. I did not give up completely and I was persistent. These past few weeks have been a miracle: God’s fingerprints have been evident on every facet of my life. He did not give up on me, even though I—in part—gave up on Him.

            It is extremely easy to fall into a trap of neglecting reflection. Here at Holy Cross I often shove my feelings out of the way and focus on schoolwork so I don’t have to think about the tough questions in life. It is easy to focus on my paper due next week and to tell myself that I can attend to my personal feelings at another time. It is no wonder that I found so much trouble reflecting; I had forgotten how to. While on my retreat I had no choice but to reflect, and it was very hard. I had to take a long hard look at my life, and I did not like what I saw. I knew I was angry and farther from God than I’d like, but I did not know why. Well God showed me, and he showed me how to get back to Him.

            If there is any advice I can give from now to the day I die it is this: take time to pause and examine where you are at with others, God, and yourself. You may be surprised by where you are. I took the time to pause and realize that I am truly blessed to have a family that loves me, great friends who care for me, and an incredibly loving and awesome God who is at work on my heart. We had to journal throughout the weekend and one phrase that came up every time is that God’s love is greater than I could ever hope to imagine. It’s nice to know that even when we give up on ourselves, there is a God who never gives up on us. I once prayed that God would work to shape me into the man that I would be for the rest of my life; I think it is safe to say that He is working on me as we speak.