Brief Late-Night Musing

While I will still be posting on Exodus as I continue my study on "what does God want me to know about Him?" I am currently writing an official study (official in that I am mapping it out) for FCA on the Psalms to answer the question "What does a relationship with God look like?" I am very excited about it and will start posting this coming Monday as that is Week 1 in a 12 Week study.

As for my personal issues: God has been good to me and is leading me out of the funk and continually strengthening my very weak and weary spirit. I always preached on how there is rest for the weary, well no I believe it. People have been praying for me, some giving me well wishes to alleviate my pain. Out of fear that I would fall and never get up I seemed to forget how many people would catch me and refuse to let me completely fail. I want to thank them, although I doubt every single one of them will read this I want to say to those (you know who you are) thank you for being there for me. We never fully know the effect we have on one another, but something as simple as a kind email or even a smile when I need one can do wonders to a spirit in need. Thank you for reminding me of who I was, and that I deserve better than the abuse heaped upon me of late.

A Message of Hope

I realize that many of my posts have been expressing more sadness than I usually feel. While I cannot put it exactly to words in something as simple as a blog post what it is that I am going through, I can tell you that I have been given glimmers of hope and that God is coming through for me.

For FCA I am writing a study on Psalms that will take us through the next few months. The book of Psalms is a collection of David’s prayers and musings—(this blog could be considered similar as a modernized version, although my words can be hardly considered inspired like David's were). David expresses great joy, asks for forgiveness, requests aid, and interestingly enough, he demands to know where God is. Phrases like “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” “Oh Lord do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath,” and “For if YOU remain silent I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.” These hardly express the joy we are accustomed to feeling, or even the joy promised to us in church. So here’s a good question: is David doing something wrong? I mean, if any man is a role model for us to what a relationship with God should look like David is that man.

That is a true statement, David has often been described as a “man after God’s own heart.” There aren’t many men in history who exemplify what it means to be a friend of God like David does, which speaks volumes about the Psalms. David feels pain, he suffers, and he feels lonely. Just because I am going through a rough patch in my life reflects nothing on my faith, but instead on the fact that I am human. I am a man, I feel pain and hurt, I lose energy and feel like giving up. Does that mean that I am not close enough to God, or not reading my Bible enough? No. We are not given Bluetooth sets that connect to Heaven upon the moment of our spiritual birth. No, sometimes we drop the connection, sometimes we become isolated and our faith starts to falter. Even Jesus, in His hour of death, cried out against God. Jesus is fully God, yet the human part of Him could not take the pain, stress, hurt and sorrow. Take hope! God knows how you feel.

Have you fallen down? Have you given up? Well do not lose hope and never lose faith. There is a God out there who loves you, who understands, and more importantly He is reaching out to you right now. I may feel alone in the world, but am I really? I have family, and friends who reach across the country just to tell me it is OK. I have friends here on campus who believe in me and want to see me succeed and carry out God’s good work. I may not have found the peace I desire, but God has healed me, in part, of my sadness by showing me that it is ok to fail.

No Naysayers Allowed Here

This post relates to my own personal struggles as of late, but fear not I will update you on my readings in Exodus when I find the time as we continue our series on “What does God want us to know?”

This post is about naysayers, everyone knows a few. They can be strangers, relatives, or friends. They are the people who, when you attempt something great, tell you it cannot be done. They are the people who make critiques on your goals, and tarnish your achievements.

This causes a great deal of frustration; it’s tough when you walk out your door only to be on edge should some passerby comment on the label of your clothing or your most recent aspiration. While I cannot change the world around me, I can change my inner self and how I choose to react.

To connect to my current study, Moses was a man who had to change a lot to become the great man he is considered to be today. Moses was found by God as a reject, immature and very unsure of himself. Moses could have continued listening to the naysayers around him, however he chose to listen to God instead.

Do you listen to naysayers and critics? Do you allow others’ opinions of how you dress, walk, and talk dictate how you act? If so you may be in order for a change. Why listen to mere men’s opinion of you when there is a God who thinks the world of you? I could let people bring me down, yet I look out and see how God has entrusted this blog, FCA, and my own personal ministry through my life—why listen to people who cast criticism when there is a God who thinks so highly of me?

Quick Musing

One last late night musing:

I could be negative and post about how outraged I am that I, a man of faith, have fallen subject to a sour disposition that continues to beat me down. However, looking at the Psalms to disregard any emotion other than happiness would be lying to myself and to you.

While many people of faith may seem to "have it all together." Does everyone really? No matter how strong your faith is, we are human after all. We all fall into morasses of emotion that keep us down. That does not mean a lack of faith, giving up or giving in does.

I'm dealing with stress and a lack of energy. I do not know how to fix it, but God does and I sincerely thank Him that He is using to to build my faith. If it weren't for Him I do not know where I would be, but it certainly would not be here.

It is All for His Glory

I’ve been continuing through Exodus and thus am continuing our study on “What is God revealing to us about Himself?” My pastor preached a sermon on the 2^nd commandment and how we are not to have/make any idols. It is important to worship the true God, not our own perceptions of Him. Instead of saying “I like to think of God as….” We should rather say I strive to understand God as He is.

Anyway, I digress: Exodus 6:1 recounts what God told Moses as a sort of parting phrase. God says “Because of my mighty hand [pharaoh] will let [the Israelites] go; because of my mighty hand [pharaoh] will drive [the Israelites] out of the country.”

Note, God did not say “because of you.” No, He said it would be because of Him. Taking this passage as a part of God’s master plan, this is the beginning of a plan to bring His people out and make them His own once again. God was there when His people were enslaved, and His heart went out to them. Now He is bringing His plan into effect and about to spring to action.

You may feel like God has been absent from your life, but how do you know whether He has left you or is simply waiting until you are ready for what He has in store for you. God did not forget the Israelites, what He did was plan something greater for them than they could ever imagine.

God has something in mind for all of us, whether or not we fall down or face struggle does not mean that we are destined for greatness or failure. God can do all things, you may be at the top or at your absolute low but God is still there pulling the strings and working on you to a point where He can use you for great things.

Right now I feel alone, I feel like there are few people there to back me up but I still have God. God will never leave me or forget me, even though my closest friends might. I pray that God keeps giving me that hope that I hold on to, and that He brings me closer to Him and shows me what He has in store. 

Please Pray

I'm going through a very rough time right now. While I am tempted to stop writing altogether I know that is counterproductive, what I will write I do not know though. Anyway, please pray for me and my family. God is letting me find the limit that defines where my strength ends and His begins and it is a trying time that is filled with pain and only glimmers of hope. Please keep reading, but please keep me in your prayers as I am in need of strength, encouragement, hope, and love.

Thank You God

One thing that I forgot to add about what we have learned thus far about God is that He is invested in His creation. He may not play a vocal role in our lives but he is always working behind the scenes to bring about His plan. He directly led Abraham, yet indirectly led Joseph—in both accounts God is working.

God has been working in my own life too, and has been answering many of my prayers and those of my friends. Often when things happen to us we do not understand, yet something as simple as a bedtime meditation can reveal God’s plan for our lives.

Ever since the fall semester began I have been saying to myself that I do not deserve to lead FCA. I am not “good enough” or qualified enough to be a spiritual leader. Surely there are other people better than me! The problem with my frame of mind is that it is extremely selfish—I am only focusing on what I can do alone, not on what God can do through me. Last year I went through an extremely taxing ordeal; it was something I allowed to derail my faith and cause me to lose focus on what I am here for.

I used to look up at God in frustration and exhaustion and ask “WHY?” I now realize something: God allowed that pain and frustration to prove a point to me: that I cannot do everything on my own. I am merely a human, without God I am nothing. Without God I can kiss my writing ability goodbye for it was this blog that got me to love writing. Without God I can say goodbye to my strength and resolve, and all my dearest friends and family. Without God I have nothing, yet for a while I thought that it was all me.

I went into school thinking “I’ve got a blog, I’m a good person, I can quote scripture—heck I can do anything.” I can’t do “anything” though, and I had to find that out the hard way. Why me God? Well because you saw good in me, because you saw my love for you beating in my heart yet you also saw pride and that had to be extinguished. I was a proud man, now I am a humble one. I know when to ask for help because frankly, we all need it. I know when to ask for prayer because I can’t be the only one praying, we need others to pray for us.

So much of what we do is dependent on God, and on others. Ask yourself: what have you really done completely on your own. You may say “well I overcame addiction, or saved a friend’s life…” But was it not God acting through you? I am not the leader of FCA because of some special merit, I am the leader of FCA because God made me so. I firmly believe that, and you know what I thank Him for what happened last year. Had I not lost my way I would not realize I was lost, and thus could never be found. Better to be a broken man who is humble than a broken man who is pride, for now God can do His good work in me, and allow me to help others.

Remember that: it’s not always about you, we need to use God’s love to help others who need it. 

What Have We Learned?

I have finished reading Genesis and am starting Exodus tonight. I had almost forgotten the reason why I am starting from the beginning. To find the answer I need to go back to one of my posts in Dec. 2012.

“I have started to read the Bible over again. Over the years the mystic and wonder has left my eyes as reading the Bible has become commonplace. I have read through it in entirety about 4 times, and the New Testament an additional 2 times. With that a familiarity has settled. Now I am starting again with Genesis to recapture that wonderment, to truly understand what God is telling me with His word. He had it written down for a reason, now I must examine it and meditate on it to find out what God wants me to know. The Bible is the ultimate love story: it is a story of God’s love for His people, and His struggle to win us back.”

For a hastily written post at 11:00 pm that wasn’t too shabby. So, what have I learned about God so far from reading Genesis. Or better yet, what has God revealed about Himself thus far? It’s very easy to fall into a trap of imposing my view of God onto the text, but I must remember that at this point in time there is not much knowledge of God. There is no law, no real concept of Heaven or Hell; all there really is, is a collection of people God has chosen to speak to.

Genesis 50:19 says “But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Here Joseph is talking to his brothers who feared he would enact his revenge; instead Joseph assures them of his forgiveness stating it was all for God’s purpose. Ignoring any prior knowledge of God’s plan, or the rest of the story, what can we tell about God thus far. What has He revealed to us so far? Well, we are given a fallen world, and God has struggled to regain what was taken from Him. It’s been a bit of a rough going but He has worked around the bad to cause some good. Now we are at a point where man has begun to trust in God, and seek Him out for guidance.

I call the Bible a love story (definitely not of the Taylor Swift variety) and it really is. I guess if the whole Bible is a love story, then this is the initial meeting between the two lovers. God has made himself known to man and strives to forge a connection and man is reaching back to connect with God. Joseph has no church, nor formal religion, but what he does have is a relationship with God. There are no pastors or priests, heck there isn’t even any scripture. Yet Joseph is going off of God’s spoken word to him, and chooses to trust in Him.

It’s an amazing picture of faith, and as the Bible continues on the love story between God and man develops. I will take you through every step of the way as I have done, because I want to know what God is trying to tell me through His word. So far I have learned that God created the world and considers it good, has created me in His image and loves me dearly, and that He is in control even though I may not be.