Did I Read That Right?

While I may be feeling physically ill, mentally I have not missed a beat. So here I am exhausted and writing yet another post on the blog. Usually I enjoy reading Peter Abraham’s blog “Extra Bases” on Boston.com. I actually emulate him a little taking notes on how he incorporates humor into his writing. However, today I found a reason to be very upset with him. Today Abraham wrote a post about Gonzalez and Crawford, the main theme being that because Gonzo claimed that it was not God’s plan for the Sox to win the World Series, he isn’t taking responsibility. Crawford on the other hand said over and over again how sorry he was, and therefore was taking responsibility. For some reason Abraham took something Gonzo said out of context so he’d have something to write. When I hit a roadblock, when I lose a friend, when my dog passes away, when I can’t seem to find my way, it all has to go back to God. Not that God is causing these bad things to happen to me, but He allows them to happen and uses them for His glory. I don’t think God cares much about whether the Sox win or lose, but I think He cares very much that Adrian Gonzalez can use that loss for His glory. Bad things happen, very often they are much worse than the Sox not going to the playoffs, but isn’t the best way to deal with suffering or misfortune to say “I am going to look for God in this and turn it around for Him.” Gonzo wasn’t avoiding responsibility; he was using the loss as a way to profess his faith. He’s not going to cry, spit, swear, or throw the water cooler, instead he’s going to calmly admit that it was not their time, that they have many years to win the World Series in the future and for now, there is nothing that can be done.

Note

Note: I was worried I wouldn't have time to post while at Holy Cross. Gratefully God has not let up on teaching me valuable lessons through the Word and my life, giving me plenty to write about. Seeing that this is my 9th post of the month I don't think I missed a beat. Just wanted to say thanks to all those who bother to read my random thoughts, I will try to keep up writing as usual.

Look at the Bright Side

Well here we are, September 28 2011, what could be the last day of the Red Sox’ season. I’m pretty sure I wrote a post similar to this last year. It seems we can draw many comparisons to both years. Both the 2010 and 2011 teams were pegged to win the World Series, win 100 games, and beat the dreaded Yankees. Both teams had slow starts, both overcame them by June, and by July both seemed on their way to winning the AL East. Then both teams had some key injuries and then in August and September they fell apart. Here’s the thing though, yeah blowing a 9 game lead in the Wild Card is historic (in a bad way), but the fact remains that the Sox are, and will remain, my team. We all like to whine and complain while we toss out pink hats in the trash. But then we forget the reason we watch baseball in the first place, because we simply enough love to watch those men in white take the field every day so we can kick back and relax on a summer night. It’s not always about whether they win or lose (although I like it when they win), it’s the experience and memories we build while watching. I want the Sox to win tonight, but if they don’t I forgive them, and eagerly look forward to next summer when I can again kick back in the leather recliner chair and enjoy a good ballgame.

Strength in Numbers

So I heard a very interesting message yesterday in church, especially applicable considering what I’ve been going through. A couple big points for what’s been going on in my mind lately. First off, if I could sum up the past week it’s in one phrase: it’s all about God. That’s it. It’s not about me, not how strong I am, how athletic I am, how smart I am, what brands I wear, how good looking I am, how well my team is doing… I could go on forever, because very often we do. Far too often we all base out self worth on stuff that really does not matter. In God’s eyes that whole list doesn’t matter, and why doesn’t it matter? Well, simply put, because God loves us, because He gave us His Son Jesus to dies for our sins. We have that grace, that is what truly matters. It is through God we can do all things. My favorite verse has always Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Outside of that, nothing matters. Without God I am an 18-year-old kid trying to make sense of the world. It is through Jesus I find my strength and who I really am. By no means is this grace “free” yes it is freely given to those who freely accept it, but it was bought at a price for us, and God paid that price in full. It is not by the laws, but by Jesus we are saved (I think Paul said something to that effect). Through that grace we can live as God commanded us and we can do anything. In the end it all goes back to God. Apart from God we can’t do anything, but through Him we can accomplish the unimaginable. I’ve been reading the Sermon on the Mount; it’s heavy stuff I can’t lie. But through God’s grace we can live as Jesus commanded, it just takes a little faith. My life hasn’t been easy, so these words haven’t been easy to write, but they are eternal truths that God reveals to me time after time and won’t relent until they are written on my heart. While it may be painful to be reminded, I thank God for being there to remind me when I need it most.

So Now What?

You know what’s really frightening? When you realize that you eventually grow up. I have to admit I’ve been really struggling lately. I used to think I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I thought I wanted to play for the Red Sox, or dig up dinosaur bones, or own a restaurant, or the most practical: be a lawyer. Now I’ve found that I don’t have a clue, but here’s the thing, God does. God knows what I will do with my life, so why is it so hard for me to trust Him? It’s simple right, just pray about it and wait on an answer. Here’s the thing, no one wants the simple answer, they feel that life should be harder than it is. You know what I am really afraid of? Waking up at the age of forty with a family to support and a job I hate but need to pay the bills. I thought I knew what I wanted in life, now I know I don’t have a clue. I like to write, I am strong in my faith, I like working with kids, and I like baseball. So what I can do, be paid to be me? I pray that someday God will show me who I am going to be, I wouldn’t mind a neon sign every now and then. I wrote a few weeks ago how great Holy Cross has been for my faith because being on my own has forced me to trust God more. Well I never thought how true my words would really be! One more thing I’ve noticed, it has caused me to be more honest. I don’t have anyone to hide behind anymore, it’s just God and me now, and no one else I can rely on. I don’t know what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but I do know one thing: I have faith in God, who has a plan for me, and if I listen for His voice I will live out that plan.

Did They Win?

Unfortunately due to the increased workload and lack of a T.V. I have not been able to watch much of the Sox lately. However, that changed last night when I went to a game with my uncle and a friend. All I can say is I feel out of the loop. Never have I seen Fenway Park so angry, the whole place (which was ¾ full) buzzed like a swarm of bees. Yeah Lackey was terrible, but even in the offensive surge there were few cheers. In April or May when Lowrie hit that bomb to left there would have been music playing and everyone would have stood up clapping. Instead the ballpark remained silent, as if 3 runs weren’t good enough. I remember in April when I went to Beckett’s 2^nd start of the season, when he pitched 7 or 8 innings and shut down the Jays. Now that was a game, that was excitement. Last night it felt like someone let the air out of the bag, it was like all of Fenway was punched in the gut and still reeling back. All I can say is that if the Sox are going to keep on winning they need the support of the fans, they need the atmosphere that makes Fenway truly magical, not just another ballpark. 2^nd, it’s just a baseball game, whatever happened to the simple joy of getting a sausage and pepper sandwich, a coke, a box of cracker jack, and watching the game? Win or lose the Sox are my team, any game I get a chance to go to is a blessing (and an excuse not to do work).

New Questions to Ask

Whew what a weekend. Who knew that in addition to academics I’d also be learning a ton about myself, that’s the idea of life isn’t it? Anyway I digress. When confronted with suffering I used to feel a need to explain it, a rational discourse on why God allowed x, y, and z to happen in my life. Now I realize that there isn’t always an explanation for why, but we must instead ask the question where and what. “Where God, are you in this?” “What God, do you want me to do with this?” I went through a couple of tough losses last summer (2010), and I have to admit, I became bitter. I was angry and indignant. “Why should this happen to me?” I asked, I felt that I deserved better. Well now I’ve realized something, while I cannot explain what happened last year, I can use it for God’s glory and the good of others. Through my experience I now know how to pray for those in similar situations, I now know what to say to those who are hurting, because of what happened to me I can be a better friend, brother, and more importantly a better man of God. While God didn’t give me the miracle I wanted, He did rebuild my life, and make me into someone so much better than I was. The tears of pain I shed last year are now tears of joy. Tears that express my joy and love in the Lord, how happy I am now that everything is all right, and that I am closer to Him because of it. While there may not always be a reason as to why, there is always an answer to the questions “where” and “what.”

Prayer

I would like to take this time to write a prayer for all those affected by the disaster on 9/11/01. It is easy to get sucked into the petty things of life, the Red Sox, quiz grades, bickering with the people around you. Yet at times like this we realize that there has to be something more to life than the day to day that we go through. A friend said that even though we have a capacity for evil, we also have a capacity for love, and because of that God will always win in the end. I pray for those affected, whether you lost a family member, friend, or just someone you knew. I pray that God give us strength, and hope, so that we might rise above this and go forth in His name. I pray that through this God show us His grander purpose, that though the devil devastated our lives God show us how He plans to shine through. I pray that we never forget that a life lived in Christ, no matter how long or short, is a life lived rich in meaning, and that is all that really matters. I pray that God comfort those who mourn, and that they find strength in God. Also, I pray that we come together as brothers and sisters, one body, under Christ. Amen.

Did I Hear You Right?

Finally finding some down time I thought to myself, why not write a blog post? So here I am. I enjoyed an overnight retreat through the campus ministry and had some time to reflect and have a few posts I want to write. This one has been on my mind for a while, and so here it goes. I wrote a post called “We’ve got to come together” about how the catholic and protestant churches need to come together as one church under one God, and for some reason they never do. While I love the ministry at Holy Cross, I got into an interesting discussion with one of the chaplains. I was talking about getting involved and going to Mass, but was told that because I am technically Presbyterian (even though I am baptized Catholic) I cannot take communion. I was shocked, it was like someone slapped me, threw water at me, and slapped me again. ‘Not take communion, what do you mean!’ I thought to myself. I was then told I could “at my own discretion.” Here’s my reasoning, after I die I sincerely hope to be welcomed into the kingdom of God and once there sit in company of Jesus, my Lord and Savior, and eat with Him. If I will eat with Him then, why shouldn’t I be allowed to eat with Him now? God is my Savior and Lord, and under His law I live my life, to not take communion (despite me being a believer) I feel would be more wrong than taking it in a church I am not a member. We are one body in Christ and must eat with our Savior as one body. No exclusions, no blessings, just everyone sitting at the feet of Jesus and following His command “take and eat.” He didn’t say “take and eat, but only if you follow this church…” No, in John 17:20-21 Jesus prays “I pray also for those who believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.” No division, no exclusions, just one big happy family. Until then the church can never fully carry out the work that our Lord gave us before He left.

1st Post at HC

So far my time at Holy Cross has been very good, a few notes though on my spirituality. When away from home there are always endless temptations and sorrows. I miss my family, dogs, and home cooking. I have no one to tell me when I’m wrong, when to go to bed, or when to go to church. Despite all this I have found that I am growing closer to God, not farther away. The fact that I am, for the most part, on my own means that I must rely so much more on God than before. When I was at home I relied on my parents for support, and my own strength as well. Here, there is no one to rely on by God. I’m not sure whether it is the spiritual presence that God has here, or that fact that I need Him more, but the past few days have been a spiritual rise for me. I know full well that, as always, the devil will do everything he can to trip me up and take me from God’s hands, but I also know this, nothing can ever separate me from the love of God or take away my faith. I will face disappointment, pain, and heartache as time goes on, but what I won’t experience is the loss of God’s light and the hope for His presence in my life. My blogging will subside as the school year continues, I am used to posting 10, sometimes 15 times a month. It is my fear that the average may decline down to 5-10. Either way it has been an incredible ride and the journey has just begun. For now, I have some homework that must be attended to.