Christmas Eve Post

As I sat in church this Christmas Eve I couldn’t but help think how the time has flown. It seemed like just yesterday I was five years younger and three inches shorter sitting in the same pew, yet here I am now. A lot has happened in the past few days, but if there is one thing I’ve learned in the best six years of my life (my life as a Christian) it is that God is in control. This is the God that sent His son to our earth. The God of all peoples, whether you are a carpenter, astrologers, or poor shepherds, God is here for all of us. I might not know where I am headed but I do know that God is leading me every step of the way and I thank Him for that. I’ve lost a lot, but I’ve never lost faith or hope in God, in both of those I find my strength to get through the trials of life. As I reflect this Christmas I realize that while times may be tough, I’ve never had it so good and that is because it is times like these that I find strength in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Now all the sentiments aside I have some food and cookies to munch on, so I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and safe travels.

Forgiven

You know those moments when God speaks to your heart loud and clear? Well I just had one of those. I went with my dad to his weekly Bible study that works with kids in prison. These kids have done some serious stuff, but a few of them show up for our weekly worship. I’ve been feeling pretty down lately (if you couldn’t tell by my earlier posts) so I didn’t really want to go tonight, but I went anyways. Boy am I glad I did. We watched The Nativity Story (great movie if you’ve never seen it) and something really struck me. One scene that really jumped out to me was when the shepherd reached out to touch Jesus, but pulled his hand back because he felt he was unworthy. Mary held Jesus out and said that He came for everyone, and then the shepherd reached his hand back towards Jesus while holding back tears. I didn’t show it but I was nearly in tears as well at that point. For the past six months I’ve been blaming myself for something I never did, for something out of my control. Through that I forgot what God’s grace felt like, I forgot that I was forgiven. I can imagine the devil in hell scheming “If sin won’t get Tay Tay let’s crush him emotionally!” You know what, I gave in to that tactic. I shot myself in the foot by telling myself that I am not worthy of God’s love. Yet I forget that this message of love oozes out of every page of the Bible. I forgot that the Bible is literally God’s love letter to man. I forgot that even if I were the last person on earth Jesus still would have died on the cross. It’s not about what I did or did not do, all that really matters is that no matter what we are forgiven by God. John 3:16 says “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I’m forgiven no matter what, the life I live is one of freedom not slavery to guilt. I thank God for His abounding love and grace that He showed me patience and brought me to the detention center tonight, for I found Jesus.

Update

I added a new feature to the blog. Instead of just one page, there are now two (I may add more as I see fit). For those who don't know the story of how my blog came to be simply click the "story" page on the right.

Change

I wrote a post a while back, it must have been in July or August, about my summer reading book Tattoos on the Heart. I wrote about change, and how it all starts with you deciding enough is enough. Well I guess God wasn’t satisfied with me simply writing about it, so He let me learn the lesson myself. I’ve been in a bad way for the past couple months. I suffered a bad a year ago (look at my posts in August 2010) and blamed myself for it. Don’t ask me why, but I felt responsible. The thing is, when I look at my posts I see them brimming with hope, although I suffered I still had hope and trust founded in God. It was only in the past six months that I started to blame myself for what happened. The devil will use anything he can against us, but is favorite tool is ourselves. I was working against myself here, and I ended up allowing myself to take a time out while life began to pass me by. But change starts within us, it doesn’t begin outside and work its magic. Instead we have to initiate it. Now this can be hard, but God is there and He is willing to give us the strength. I was never at fault for what happened, but for some reason I allowed myself to be. Now if I want my life to improve, and move on then I need to initiate it because nothing is going to change if I don’t put the work in. If there’s one regret I have its allowing the devil to fool me into believing something that isn’t worth the time of day, but the good news is that I have plenty of my life to live from here on in freedom founded in my savior Jesus Christ.

This Christmas

Well it’s almost Christmas and I have yet to write a Christmas post. Instead of the whole flowery post about joy and peace, I’m going to write about something very personal (in an impersonal way). Lately a lot of very bad things have been happening to me, I won’t say what, but I will say that they have caused me to lose sight of the goodness in my life and the grace of God. I’ve lost a lot of faith over the past couple years and I’ve let the devil get the best of me. I can imagine him with his demons saying, “Well if we can’t cause Tay Tay to sin his way out of God’s grace maybe we can rock his world a bit and cause him to lose faith.” Sadly it seems he has won in part; I’ve lost faith in God and in myself. When Jesus was born things were pretty hectic. His mother was accused of adultery, his father nearly left him before his birth, and King Herod wanted him killed. All of that was thrust upon a helpless baby (albeit he was God, but still God’s power was confined in the abilities of a baby), the future of our world hanging on a few decisions. But he made it out ok, better than ok as that baby grew up to be a man who died to save us from our sins. Life can be a lot like that first Christmas: hectic, dark, or terrifying. Yet we can’t let that run our life, we can’t let the devil win. This Christmas remember this: while your life may be incredibly difficult, God can do miracles through the bleakest situations and turn things around. The way things were going it didn’t look good for God’s master plan to save the human race, but by His grace things turned around and evil was defeated.

Did He Just Say That?

I was engaged in a discussion about religion with some friends a few days ago and an interesting (and somewhat paradoxical statement) was made. One of my friends claims to be very religious (which I don’t doubt, he lives out his faith well) but at the same time said you can’t trust the Bible, only what the Catholic Church teaches. This came about because I said a teaching of the Catholic Church was not found in the Bible, and he said you can’t always trust what the Bible says as truth. I can rehash my statement about the validity of the Bible, but I already posted on that. I stand by my opinion; we have to assume that the Bible is fully valid as it is God’s word. You can call me a “Bible thumper” or “fundamentalist” or even crazy (I deny the first one though, I don’t think someone who is crazy can have a Holy Cross education). Instead I’ll pose a question: where did the teachings of the church come from? Well I assume that they are founded in the Bible. So you might as well say I love Italian food, but I hate pasta, pizza, chicken, fish, and so on. It’s a backwards statement to make. This is the problem with our modern world today, many hide behind scientific understanding as a reason to disprove the Bible. Yet my friends also acknowledge the divinity of Jesus. Now, my question is this, how can God be able to produce one miracle in the New Testament, yet be handcuffed throughout the Old Testament. Isn’t that what faith is about, believing in the seemingly impossible? How can I be expected to worship a God that can’t do anything? If God is as all-powerful as my friends claim, shouldn’t He be able to produce miracles at ease? That said I firmly stand by my belief that the Bible is supreme, it writes of an all-powerful God and backs it up with evidence of His ability. You can’t claim to believe in the miraculous if you deny the existence of miracles. Is this post harsh?

Never Give Up

Well finals are finally over (pun not intended, if that counts as a pun), and now I find myself with plenty of time to write. While I am tempted to take every day of the next five weeks off, I think it best to expend some of my already depleted mental energy into blogging. This post is not applicable anymore (as I no longer face great adversity) but any time you need a word of encouragement it is good. The single verse that got me through the past two weeks (heck even the past four months) is 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” Here Paul is talking about how although his life seemingly falls apart, with God he can still stand strong. The past four months have been grueling at times; the past two weeks have been downright exhausting. There have been moments when I just want to give up and go to bed, hoping all the while that I would wake up in the safety of my own home. But life doesn’t work that way, we don’t get timeouts or breaks, instead we just have to keep on going. And that sounds really harsh doesn’t it? Here’s the thing though, we are not alone in our struggles. God is there with us every step of the way feeding us His strength and love so that we may keep going. Sure life can seem impossible; there can be mountains that we just cannot climb. But God is never failing and will always be there to pick us up when we desperately need it. Next time you find yourself ready to give up remember this: you always have that strength to take the next step forward and God is always going to be there to give it to you.

Notice

A ton has been on my mind lately, but I have absolutely no time to write (it being finals week and all) but will post soon (as in later this week). Till then enjoy the Christmas season and God bless.

It's Not About Me

Late night post, I know but I was praying and couldn’t get this out of my head and didn’t want to forget. So often I worry about the future; what job will I have? Will I get married? What kind of man will I be? Where will God lead me next? Then a thought popped into my head. Nearly every decision I have made on my own has been a disaster, without God I have not accomplished very much in my life. It was God who made me a Christian, God who got me into baseball, God who had my family move to my new town, God who started my blog, God who allowed the worst pain but the greatest blessing in my life last summer, God who brought me to Holy Cross, God who pushed me to meet the friends I have, and God who made me the man I am today. Nowhere does it say “Tay Tay did this all on his own.” No, instead it was God who pushed me in the right direction. It doesn’t matter what decisions I make, because God will always lead me where He wants me to go. It’s not about me, it’s what God wants of me. I may whine and cry and say “Oh boo hoo I can’t hear God’s voice anymore.” But really, in all of those instances I heard God loud and clear. When I started my blog I had an itching in my fingers, little did I know that it would become my ministry to serve God. When I visited Holy Cross I had a feeling that it would be a nice school to go to, I had no idea what I was in for, and all the great people I have met. Sure there will be challenges and failures along the way, but that’s life isn’t it? God will lead me, if my life is not testimony enough to that statement then I better get my vision checked because it is plain to see that God has led me every step of the way and won’t stop until the day I die.

Where is the Love?

I have to admit, I am not the most loving person. Sure I can be very nice to people, but I often find myself judging others or being quick to take offense to wrongs against me. God taught me a lot about love last year when I nearly lost the thing that mattered most to me, and lately He’s been teaching me a great deal. 1 Corinthians 13 says love is the greatest, it even goes as far to say that out of faith, hope, and love, love matters the most. I’ve been reading the Gospels, and the one thing that stands out to me is how loving Jesus is. They say that God is love, and that the Bible is His love letter to mam, I’ll buy that. In everything Jesus does it is out of His love for those around Him. Sure He rebukes people, but never once does He judge, push away, ignore, or hold a grudge against anyone. That is what unconditional love looks like, and that is what this world desperately needs. In a time where war, starvation, divorce, and crime rates are all up we find ourselves missing out on one huge thing: God’s love. I never really gave much thought to the effect that my actions had on those around me. Sure I thought about the “Golden Rule” and did my best to be nice, but I never realized that the things I say or do can have a very real effect. As a Christian I am a representative of God, it is my greatest hope (and fear that I may fail) that when people see me they see the love and tenderness of God. Through me God can do His good work, and love others. When I act out in anger, selfishness, jealousy, or cruelty what effect does that have on those around me? How do I show the love of God? How can I possibly bring the Gospel to world with a God shaped hole in its heart? The answer: I can’t. If you think being a Christian is all about following a set of rules, well good luck all you’ll end up with is a tired soul and a bitter heart. It is so much more than that; it is about loving others, loving others unconditionally. That means not taking offense easily, forgiving those that hurt us, and turning the other cheek. It is not easy, but the reward is sweet. Lately God has taught me a lot about loving others unconditionally, and with that going forward I now have a better understanding of what God is like, and how He expects me to represent Him in His world.

Big News

So this is not a complete post, but as I have some great news and not much time to share it here is a shorter version of a future post. Last night I was offered the position of head of FCA (fellowship of christian athletes) next year. It was a huge and unexpected honor. I love what we do in FCA and definitely want to work on marketing it more to get more people involved because it is a great ministry. I used to want to have a ministry but now I realize that no ministry belongs to us, it is God's ministry entrusted to those He hand picks. I feel undeserving of this great honor but will pray about it and I can't wait to get started doing the Lord's work. So often life gets crazy and we lose sight of what we are here for; I may not know what I want to do with my life but I do know that serving God is what really matters.

Happy Thanksgiving

Just wanted to say happy Thanksgiving to all my readers. Life can get hectic and there can be a lot to be thankful for that we lose sight of. I know from experience that this can be true. Though we may lose big things in life, never let us lose sight of all the hidden blessings around us. If I could list out everything I had to complain about I'd have a pretty long list, but if I had to list out everything I appreciated and loved I wouldn't have time in my life to do so. Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels, now it's time for some pre-dinner snacking (I barely eat at college, give me a break).

True, Untrue, or Half True

I was talking with a couple people the other day on the question as to how truthful the Bible is. They claimed that parts of the Bible are outdated, and that parts of it are true but not everything. While they agreed that the entire Bible is not true, they claimed other parts are and that it is still the word of God. My question is this, how truthful is a half-truth? “Tay Tay why is your paper not handed in on time?” “Uh, I’ve been busy with other stuff and could really use an extension.” What really happened: I forgot about the paper and chose to go into Boston one day of the weekend, and watch the Bourne trilogy the next day. Sure I did tell the half-truth, but ultimately the half-truth is a lie. So what is my point? That if something is not completely true then it is a lie. Even if we wanted to say that only part of the Bible is true, which parts? Should we take surgical instruments to it and expertly cut out all that “silly” stuff on miracles? My claim is this, if we aren’t to take on the Bible as 100% true we can’t take it on at all. You get into a sticky situation when you try to discern what is true and what isn’t. That’s faith though isn’t it? Believing in the absence of belief. Yes many parts of the Bible are fantastic, but is not God all-powerful, how hard could it be for Him to preform a few miracles here and there. It’s not easy, sometimes I find myself scratching my head thinking ‘Did this really happen?’ That is what faith is for though, that is what faith is all about. Do I have all the answers? Heck no, I’m only an 18 year old college student who hasn’t a clue where he is going in life, but you know what, no one but God will ever have the answers; it’s up to Him to reveal them to us.

Cans of Worms

So here is a post I meant to write a while later, but as always in college my life is constantly on hold, anyway here it goes. At the same FCA meeting where I watched the film on Stephen Hawkins, we got into a discussion as to whether we should take the Bible literally or metaphorically. Now, to even ask this question opens a can of worms, and I don’t like worms so for the short duration of a blog post I will try to clean the mess up. In short I don’t know, if I say yes take it literally then I face criticism by the scientific community, and the opposite I am deemed a heretic. Nether are good for my blog, and in my opinion not 100% correct either. I believe the Bible is the divine word of God that man wrote it has not bearing on its accuracy, it is God’s word and that is enough. That said, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t metaphorical significance as well. For example, the story of creation fits in with ancient Hebrew poetry, 1000 is the perfect number of years in life, so it makes sense man’s lives would gradually decrease after Adam (lived to 900), and also many stories are rich in symbolism prevalent in Hebrew culture (just look at the use of numbers). Does this mean that they never happened? Well, I can’t say for certain, I’m not just about to say that they didn’t, but I’m also not going to say that they don’t have any metaphorical significance in addition to any historical importance they have. I wrote a post about the creation story, and here I will reiterate my main point, it doesn’t necessarily matter what exactly happened, but what it means in terms of God’s relationship to man. God loves us, that is the main message of the Bible, if we take away that one truth is that not enough?

Post # 112

Officially more posts than last year, I went through a rough time and was lax in my writing but this year I came back strong and will continue to do so until the end of 2011. Then it will be on to 2012!

Found Some Wisdom Today

So this is more of a personal post, and it is also about faith. Lately I’ve been attending a prayer group that I was invited to by a good friend. I invited this friend to a weekly Bible Study I attend and she in turn invites me to pray with some of her friends. I was eager to go, gathering in fellowship with other Christians (especially in a college environment) is always a good thing. I have to admit though, after going I was a little intimidated. Everyone seemed so in tune with God, and strong in his or her faith. Me on the other hand, sometimes I feel like I’m struggling just to get through the next day. I felt intimidated, I’ll admit it, it’s like playing baseball with someone who is truly better than you, you want to duck out quietly. That’s what the devil wants me to do though! I realized that this morning, that the devil will do anything he can to get me to stay away from God. He’ll throw personal issues in my face, he’ll cause me to procrastinate and miss church, and if that doesn’t work he’ll make me feel afraid. Faith can feel like an uphill battle sometimes, but that’s why God gives us a helping hand right? Yeah God can be silent sometimes, but He’s there, always watching. I’m glad I went, I’m glad I have newfound friends in Christ, and I’m glad God spoke some wisdom to me and showed me the light. It’s easy to be intimidated, but is there ever a good reason to be?

Did He Really Say That?

Recently I watched a very interesting video on my FCA (fellowship of Christian athletes) meeting. We were talking about proofs for God, and then we watched a Discovery Channel special on Stephen Hawkins and his conclusions about the origin of the universe. Hawkins claimed that there is no need for God and also no afterlife. He said that we finally found the meaning of our universe and should be proud; he said that this life is all there is and he is grateful for it. I am not so well trained in physics; I’m more of an English and philosophy man, but I do have one question for Hawking. Should we be proud? Should we be grateful? If this world is all there is, then I have very little to be truly happy about. Think about it, if life is nothing more than an “every man for himself” battle for achieving our desires and dreams then what is the point? What does it matter if I continue to live out the rest of my life or end it tomorrow? The answer: it doesn’t. If there is not God, no true sense of justice beyond our relative understanding, who’s to say that that theft, murder, or rape are crimes? The answer: no one. We cannot prove or disprove the existence of God, it stinks but it’s true, but I believe that the world points right to God. That life has value points to God. That our world is defined by the principle of a “good world gone bad” it points to God. That I can have the hope to carry through the trials that weigh me down points to God. Can I prove anything? No, but neither can anyone else. Sometimes you just have to reach out and trust that there is something there, but then again, isn’t it worth it? I feel bad for Hawking, I sincerely do. He lived a hard life and is paralyzed, if this is all there is to life then he led a sad existence. In God’s eyes though he matters just as much as anyone, a life lived for God is a life to be grateful for, a life that is never wasted.

Red Sox Update

So here are a few thoughts on the current state of the Sox (yes they still exist).

1) They need pitching, pitching, and more pitching. Not only do they need starting depth (the rotation is currently 2 pitchers and a town drunk) but they need a lot of help in the bullpen. It seems like last years acquisitions (don't worry Jenks will come through!) did very little to solidify a much deprived pitching staff. Without Pap as the closer a lot of work needs to be done.

2) Outfield, yeah Drew wasn't much help, but without him there is no starting RF. Beltran's name is floating around, yeah he's good but is it work the risk? Also there is this Cuban guy, Cespedes (or something like that) from what I see he is strong and athletic, but the question remains as to whether that is enough. They need someone other than Reddick, and RH would be preferable.

3) 3B, is it time to shop Youk and save a little $? Lowrie and Aviles seem pretty good right now.

4) And the manager is.........

5) Catching, yeah we still have Salty, but was last year Tek's final goodbye? And if so, who is the backup catcher?

6) Usually I can't wait for game 1, now I'm trying to find a reason why I should care. We'll see who we can get, and the fiftieth snow of the year always makes you wish it were July in the middle of a pennant race (or barbecue).

77 Times and counting

I was reading Matthew 18 and came across a passage about forgiveness. Peter, innocently enough, asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother, offering his own answer of 7 times. Jesus came back saying “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matt 18:22. 77 times, so does that mean I can make a list of every fault someone does against me and then say to him “sorry bud, you got your chance.” While we may wish it were that way, it isn’t. Forgiveness is hard, I’ll admit it; as with many Italians (especially Sicilians) I can hold a grudge. I’ve tried to reform my ways, but still when my pride is damaged I can revert back to being angry instead of understanding. I think the biggest issue people have with forgiveness is that we all want justice. We don’t really like to let go of things, if Jimmy was mean to me I don’t want to just roll over and let him walk all over me. Here’s the thing though (well, two things), that isn’t what forgiveness is. Forgiveness doesn’t mean I say, “Oh it’s ok how you treated me, I don’t mind.” Forgiveness is us letting go of our damaged pride and seeing that person for how God sees them. Forgiveness means lowering down our walls and being more understanding. Is it right for people to hurt us? No, but if we hold it against them forever then we do more wrong than they did. Another note, forgiveness is necessary. An unforgiving person is not fun to be around. When you hold a grudge you end up bitter, cold, and angry with those around you. You put up walls that keep others out, even God. While it may be hard to forgive, it is necessary to do and as with all things God asks of us He will help us every step of the way.

We Just Have to Keep on Going Forward

Ever feel tired? Not long day tired, not “five hour energy tired,” I mean days, weeks, or even months of stress building up tired. Well I’ve hit that wall. While I haven’t given up on hope (I tell everyone I never will) I have lost strength, or at least a sense of direction. ‘Where do you want me to go with this God?’ I’ve asked this many times in the past two weeks. Well, I’ve come to a conclusion, it doesn’t matter whether we know where we are going, if we listen to God we will surely get there. It may take our energy away, we may have to crawl, but if we listen to what God commands we will reach the goal He has set for us. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians about running a race and in verse 26 he says “I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.” Later on in 2 Corinthians 4 he writes “we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” Yeah life gets hard; yeah things can go terribly wrong. But the thing we can never forget is that God is in charge and that everything happens for a reason. The people that come into the world and the people that die, the friends we make and the friends we lose, all of this happens for a reason. What is that reason? Well, does it really matter? Sure I would love an answer, I would love it if God came down and said “Tay Tay, let me tell you WHY…” but it isn’t going to happen, and I’ll find out eventually. All that matters is that we keep running the race marked out for us, we can’t stop or back down, we just need to keep on going. Sometimes I remark that I need a break, but you don’t get those in life, you just need to pray for strength and keep on going forward.

We Need to Carry our Cross

Ever do what you know is the right thing, but then question whether it was right to do it? Sure, we all have, and recently I went through a very taxing ordeal. Recently I lost a friend, maybe for a short while, maybe forever, and all I did to lose her was do what I know in my heart is what God wants me to do. I ended up losing something close to me, I ended up sacrificing a friendship for God, and it left me questioning myself, I asked ‘was it right what I did, or is it possible that I was in the wrong?’ I’ll spare you the details as they are unimportant to my post, but as always I will share some scripture. I was reading Matthew 16 (I’ve been a little lax in my readings) and came across verse 25-26 “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” Yesterday I lost my life for the sake of God’s good work here on earth. I gave up a little piece of my plans, my desires, my wishes, and put them aside for what God told me to do. It cost me a lot, I won’t sugarcoat it and say that I feel good right now, actually I feel pretty bad. I don’t feel like I did something wrong though, I know that I carried my cross. For once I put God first in my life, for once I did something that was truly selfless. I lost a friend for God, it sounds odd to say but really, that is exactly what happened. Now, it may be hard, it may sting a little, but the reward is always great. God’s good is infinitely sweeter than the goodness here on earth. It’s tough to fully trust in Him, but once you get over that hump the burden is lifted.

Angels and Demons?

Call it getting into the spirit of Halloween, but I got into an interesting and slightly disturbing conversation with a girl last night. There is this supposed “exorcism room” in the school (for those who haven’t yet guessed, it’s a rumor). Anyway, there was a girl who overheard our conversation and warned us saying that we shouldn’t mess with demonic things. I agreed with her, up to the point where she said she is Christian, but she studied the occult and demonology (is this a science?). My response (which I said only in my head) is this: why bother with demons at all? The devil is real, but as C.S. Lewis once wrote there are two risks, we can either hyper-focus on demons or not believe in them at all. Now, do I believe in exorcisms or possessions? Well, I can’t say for sure what I believe when it comes to demons, because so little is written in the Bible other than that the devil tempts man away from God. I do know this though; God is more powerful than the devil. There is no power of hell that can beat God, if we are strong in Christ then we are safe from harm. We cannot be physically harmed or taken over, because God is always watching over us and keeping us safe. Never did Jesus lose the battle between the devil, so what reason is there to fear him so? My philosophy is such, fear God and God alone. It doesn’t matter what the devil can do to us, because I know that God is stronger and will keep me safe from harm. Sure my life can get crazy at times, sure I may stray and fall to sin, but I am never out of God’s hand and grace and am therefore saved. Sure the devil desires to take us from God’s hand, but if we are strong in God we cannot be harmed. There is nothing to fear but God, all else is taken care of.

So Great is His Unfailing Love

Well I couldn’t stay away from the blog forever. Honestly though I’ve been going through a lot the past two weeks and sometimes you just feel wrung out. It’s like I was at the end of my rope and didn’t really have the strength to tie a knot and hold on. That changed last night though. It is easy to forget about God, so much can happen in our lives that a few days that you forget to pray can really add up. That happened to me. I forgot where God was in my life, I lost sight of Him and when life began to crash down around me I suddenly realized the sad fact, I was alone. As I said, that changed last night. A good friend invited me to a prayer group they regularly attend, and the passage we read couldn’t have been more fitting. It’s long so I’ll spare you by not writing it out, but it came from Lamentations chapter 3. Lamentations is basically Job on steroids, all jokes aside it was written by a man who reflecting on Jerusalem’s destruction by the Babylonian empire. Imagine that, watching your home city completely trashed by ruthless soldiers, and there is nothing you can do about it. A few verses stuck out to me, the first 20 verses reflect on immense pain and loneliness but then verses 21-22 hit you, “Yet I call to mind and therefore have hope: because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.” Then there is verse 32 “Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.” A lot of bad things have happened in my life, not just recently, over the past two years. I can sit and moan, I can complain and whine, I can even give up. Here’s the thing though, we can’t lose hope, God will always be there to deliver us, sometimes in surprising ways. I wanted Him to appear in a storm cloud and tell me why He allowed pain in my life, instead He spoke quietly through a friend who by chance invited me to a prayer meeting I desperately needed. All I can say is “Thank you God, for you are so good as to never forget me or leave me. Though I leave you, you still love me. Such is true and unconditional love, something I need to learn to accept and put into practice in my own life.” Sometimes I feel that I should be taking my own advice, well before that I should take advice from the main source, God. It doesn’t matter what I go through, how weak I am, or how much I lose. I can lose everything that I ever loved but I will never lose God, and that is one thing that I can hold onto every day of my life.

Notice

Just wanted to let my readers know that I will not be posting for some time, so I am sorry for that. I've coming off of a very eventful week and doubt I will have much time to write in the near future. Please keep reading though and as soon as I find myself in a position to write I will. Right now I think a period of reflection is best. God bless.

There Has to Be a Reason

I’ve had a few more thoughts on the Book of Job lately, so here they are in my latest post. I was helping a friend with homework on Job yesterday and we got into an interesting discussion debating the question of whether or not God causes suffering or if He just allows it. In the Book, God has a bet with the devil saying that Job won’t curse Him even if he loses everything. My friend claimed that this was cruel on God’s part, and I admit it certainly does seem that way. Why would God so mercilessly allow the devil to ruin Job’s life? My question is this, why did God allow my dog to die at the age of three? Why did God allow my great Uncle who I just got to really know die of a stroke? Why did God allow the turmoil of last year’s issues in my life? The answer, well honestly I don’t know. But I do know this fact, God is good, and all good things come from Him. The key note I tried to stress to my friend is that the devil was the one who ruined Job’s life, not God. The devil took Job’s family, flocks, and health – God just gave him the freedom too. So is it cruel of God? Well, what about my examples from my own life, was God being cruel to me, or is it just that bad things simply happen to good people? Back when Job was written the Hebrew people had a very simplistic view of life; if you are a good man you have a good life and if you sin you have a bad life. Really, the author of Job is using his story as an example of the fact that life is not so simple. I demonstrated to my friend that a large chunk of the Old Testament is law; you’ve got parts of Exodus, and then Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. The magic formula said that if you follow these laws you will have a good life. Here’s the thing though, the world is imperfect because of sin. No one is perfect, and the world is in an imbalance because of it. Evil men live long prosperous lives while good men often suffer. Does that mean that God is bad or cruel, no, it just makes a statement about the fact that the devil can, and often does, ruin things in our lives by causing bad things to happen. This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t have any power or say though; God can use those bad things for His glory and our good. Through our struggles we can move on and do God’s work here on earth, completely reversing the devil’s work. God has the ultimate power to take a negative and turn it into a positive. Is that the reason for suffering? Well I think the reason for suffering is the simple fact that our world is an imperfect one, but the fact that God can use our suffering for good just goes to show you that ultimately He is always in control and looking out for us.

And the Verdict is.... GUILTY

Look a late night post; just one of the many abilities college has given me, the not-so-super power of staying up past 10:00 pm. So what has kept me up this late? Well nothing much, just one of far too many scathing commentaries about the Boston Dead Sox. So what caused the downfall? Was it a dearth of timely hits? Bad chemistry? Terry Francona? Overweight pitchers underweight with talent? Well I think the answer can be found in the most basic sin, the one that the devil passed on to mankind, and that my friends is pride. Pride is what took the Red Sox by storm, and it’s ugly sister greed also had her fair share as well. Face it Sox fans, the Red Sox are what the Yankees were except they can’t win. Remember the evil empire? Remember Sox ownership denouncing the Yankees for stretching their tentacles down into other teams, breaking the bank for high priced players? Well do Adrian Gonzalez or Crawford ring a bell? Not that I’m criticizing the Sox for this. They are blessed to be a wealthy ball club and it would be foolish for them not to spend the money on good players because a team of good players will (or maybe “should” is a better word) win. Here’s my real issue though. Not with the Sox, with ownership. Let’s face it, the worst thing to happen to the Sox since the trade of Babe Ruth is NESN Sports Ventures (hyperbole? Maybe). When John Henry added LFC to his toy chest full of goodies I knew things were going downhill, I even wrote a post about it last year. The Sox aren’t his pride and joy anymore, instead they are just another cog in his money making machine. Until John Henry learns to pay attention to his possessions, instead of just seeing them as figures on a balance sheet, the Sox will never win. It wasn’t beer and chicken, it wasn’t Francona and Theo, it was John Henry and the NESN toy chest that killed the Red Sox.

Questions

For one of my classes we had to read from the book of Job. Now for those who don’t know, Job was a good man who God allowed a lot of bad things to happen. Why? Well it’s not essential to the story, the whole book is a dialogue between Job and his friends trying to find out why God allowed Job to lose everything, instead though they should be asking “what God wants Job to do with his situation.” Life can be really hard, I’ve learned that lesson in the past two years and sometimes it can seem like you don’t get a break. Here’s the thing, life has no breaks but that doesn’t mean we have to go it alone. Job thought that after he lost his home and family that was it, but he wasn’t even close because in the end God appeared and blessed him more than he was before. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does life have to be as hard as it is? Why is it so hard to do the right thing? Well I don’t know, honestly I have no idea, but I do know this, God is faithful and God is with us. No matter what you are going through you can bet God is there right by your side every step of the way. In one of the Narnia books there is a scene when someone is riding on a horse on the edge of a cliff in the fog and all they can do is keep going following Aslan (the God figure). It’s like that, even though sometimes I can’t see the next step in front of me, God is there directing me every step of the way and I needn’t have fear. Psalm 119: 105 says “Your word is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path.” Sometimes you don’t always get a spotlight, but a candle will always do the job.

Lessons Learned From Baseball

I played in the annual “100 Inning Baseball Game” on Saturday. By a miracle I made it through 37 innings in 10 hours. The breakdown was 20 innings split between RF and CF, 12 innings behind the plate, and I finished the final 5 innings as a DH. I forget what inning it was, it must have been the 28^th or 29^th, either way I had been catching for a while and was exhausted. The most I had ever caught before was 3 innings, so 12 were very taxing on my body. In my previous at bat I struck out on three pitiful swings and was up at bat again, even more tired. We were stuck at 26 runs for a while and the other team was catching up. Basically, we needed a hit desperately. The pitcher threw a first pitch fastball, which I swung at with all my might and hit it deep, far, and foul down the right field line. Next pitch was a ball, and then he threw me a pitch low and outside. I swung my bat out as hard as I could and to my surprise squared up enough to hit a hot grounder up the middle for a single! Once on base there were a couple quick outs to which I responded with 2 barely stolen bases, finally scoring from 3^rd. By no means was I a hero. I didn’t hit a homerun; I barely squeaked a single up the middle. But I mustered the little strength I had and gave it my best in that last swing. Often in life it can feel that way. We can feel like we have no strength to carry on, that what we really want to do is take a break, but here’s the thing: life doesn’t stop for us, the game still has to be played. So what do we do? Well we can give up but then we let ourselves down. Or instead we can accept God’s grace and strength in our lives and succeed. Before my at bat I said “Look, right now I’m just a catcher, I’m not gonna get a hit.” Here’s the thing, God doesn’t give up on us, instead He carries us through. In life the last thing I want to see is another hurdle to jump, but I don’t have to jump it alone, more often than not God gives me a boost over to help me keep going and finish the race. You may feel that your energy is spent and that the mountain is too big to climb. Well you’re forgetting that you’ve got an entire energy reserve in God’s grace and love, that God can carry us through out trials to the other side. Even when the situation seems impossible, whether it be as basic as getting a hit after playing 28 exhausting innings or something as major as anything life throws at us, we’ve always got God on our side to back us up no matter what.

Moment of Perfection

Here’s a post I wanted to write last week. It was Thursday night, my last night at Holy Cross before fall break. I had a lot of work to do and was taking a moment out of my day to go to evening Bible Study. It was one of those chilly fall days, I had my flannel shirt and barn jacket (typical farm clothes) and was walking up from the dining hall to the chaplains house. When I left the hall I was struck by the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. A picture wouldn’t have come close to doing it justice. The sky was lit up a radiant pink and yellow while the east was a deep purple. I looked out at the city of Worcester and saw the purple rolling hills and the city all lit up preparing for a busy evening. It was then that I caught a moment of pure perfection, God’s grace untarnished by the sins of the world. It was that moment that was so perfect, that busy, stressful day, and then on a break from it all I see God’s glory in its finest. I believe God can speak to us in many ways, and on that night He was saying ‘Tay Tay, slow down.” Life can get fast, especially at college. Bad things happen, we go through loss, we take on stress, and sometimes we lose faith in ourselves. We cannot forget that one fact though, that God is always there with us, and will never let us go. You may think that you are too far, that you are out of God’s grace, heck you might even have given up a while ago. But God will not give up on us, and that sunset, that purity in my hectic day showed me that. You just have to have a little faith and a sense of adventure, because God can do some amazing things when you give Him the driver’s seat. I’ll never forget that evening, just as I will never lose faith in God’s goodness and His love.

He is Willing

Lately I’ve been reading through the Gospels, I finished the Old Testament so now I am at Matthew. I always loved reading the Gospels, you get a chance to see God interact directly with His people, it’s always really neat. Anyway, one thing I love about the Bible is how God speaks through it to me, how He’ll use certain phrases to stick out as if to say “Tay Tay! Wake up and pay attention!” Anyway, I was reading Matthew 8, the passage where Jesus heals a man with leprosy. The man walks up to Jesus and says “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.” And do you know what Jesus’ response is? “I am willing.” For some reason that verse just struck me, it really did. The simplicity of it, “I am willing” can almost be deceptive, but then you’d miss the significance. God is always willing to help us, no matter what we’ve done or where we are going. He will always be willing to heal us. God is the only thing that can truly sustain us and bring joy to our lives. Sure that man with leprosy thought he could stick it out for a while, but then seeing that on his own nothing was getting better he had to call out to God. And God was willing. I firmly believe that no matter what happens, when you turn to God and ask Him for help He will help you. When we bow our heads to prayer Jesus lifts us up and gives us His strength, and why? Because He is willing to, because He loves us so much that He paid the ultimate price to heal us fully. Sure life can get out of hand, sure things can go wrong and it can seem like there’s no way out. But God is always willing; God will never refuse His people or deny them His love. Sometimes we miss the little things in the Gospels, but often it is these little phrases that show how much God truly loves us.

Did I Read That Right?

While I may be feeling physically ill, mentally I have not missed a beat. So here I am exhausted and writing yet another post on the blog. Usually I enjoy reading Peter Abraham’s blog “Extra Bases” on Boston.com. I actually emulate him a little taking notes on how he incorporates humor into his writing. However, today I found a reason to be very upset with him. Today Abraham wrote a post about Gonzalez and Crawford, the main theme being that because Gonzo claimed that it was not God’s plan for the Sox to win the World Series, he isn’t taking responsibility. Crawford on the other hand said over and over again how sorry he was, and therefore was taking responsibility. For some reason Abraham took something Gonzo said out of context so he’d have something to write. When I hit a roadblock, when I lose a friend, when my dog passes away, when I can’t seem to find my way, it all has to go back to God. Not that God is causing these bad things to happen to me, but He allows them to happen and uses them for His glory. I don’t think God cares much about whether the Sox win or lose, but I think He cares very much that Adrian Gonzalez can use that loss for His glory. Bad things happen, very often they are much worse than the Sox not going to the playoffs, but isn’t the best way to deal with suffering or misfortune to say “I am going to look for God in this and turn it around for Him.” Gonzo wasn’t avoiding responsibility; he was using the loss as a way to profess his faith. He’s not going to cry, spit, swear, or throw the water cooler, instead he’s going to calmly admit that it was not their time, that they have many years to win the World Series in the future and for now, there is nothing that can be done.

Note

Note: I was worried I wouldn't have time to post while at Holy Cross. Gratefully God has not let up on teaching me valuable lessons through the Word and my life, giving me plenty to write about. Seeing that this is my 9th post of the month I don't think I missed a beat. Just wanted to say thanks to all those who bother to read my random thoughts, I will try to keep up writing as usual.

Look at the Bright Side

Well here we are, September 28 2011, what could be the last day of the Red Sox’ season. I’m pretty sure I wrote a post similar to this last year. It seems we can draw many comparisons to both years. Both the 2010 and 2011 teams were pegged to win the World Series, win 100 games, and beat the dreaded Yankees. Both teams had slow starts, both overcame them by June, and by July both seemed on their way to winning the AL East. Then both teams had some key injuries and then in August and September they fell apart. Here’s the thing though, yeah blowing a 9 game lead in the Wild Card is historic (in a bad way), but the fact remains that the Sox are, and will remain, my team. We all like to whine and complain while we toss out pink hats in the trash. But then we forget the reason we watch baseball in the first place, because we simply enough love to watch those men in white take the field every day so we can kick back and relax on a summer night. It’s not always about whether they win or lose (although I like it when they win), it’s the experience and memories we build while watching. I want the Sox to win tonight, but if they don’t I forgive them, and eagerly look forward to next summer when I can again kick back in the leather recliner chair and enjoy a good ballgame.

Strength in Numbers

So I heard a very interesting message yesterday in church, especially applicable considering what I’ve been going through. A couple big points for what’s been going on in my mind lately. First off, if I could sum up the past week it’s in one phrase: it’s all about God. That’s it. It’s not about me, not how strong I am, how athletic I am, how smart I am, what brands I wear, how good looking I am, how well my team is doing… I could go on forever, because very often we do. Far too often we all base out self worth on stuff that really does not matter. In God’s eyes that whole list doesn’t matter, and why doesn’t it matter? Well, simply put, because God loves us, because He gave us His Son Jesus to dies for our sins. We have that grace, that is what truly matters. It is through God we can do all things. My favorite verse has always Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Outside of that, nothing matters. Without God I am an 18-year-old kid trying to make sense of the world. It is through Jesus I find my strength and who I really am. By no means is this grace “free” yes it is freely given to those who freely accept it, but it was bought at a price for us, and God paid that price in full. It is not by the laws, but by Jesus we are saved (I think Paul said something to that effect). Through that grace we can live as God commanded us and we can do anything. In the end it all goes back to God. Apart from God we can’t do anything, but through Him we can accomplish the unimaginable. I’ve been reading the Sermon on the Mount; it’s heavy stuff I can’t lie. But through God’s grace we can live as Jesus commanded, it just takes a little faith. My life hasn’t been easy, so these words haven’t been easy to write, but they are eternal truths that God reveals to me time after time and won’t relent until they are written on my heart. While it may be painful to be reminded, I thank God for being there to remind me when I need it most.

So Now What?

You know what’s really frightening? When you realize that you eventually grow up. I have to admit I’ve been really struggling lately. I used to think I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I thought I wanted to play for the Red Sox, or dig up dinosaur bones, or own a restaurant, or the most practical: be a lawyer. Now I’ve found that I don’t have a clue, but here’s the thing, God does. God knows what I will do with my life, so why is it so hard for me to trust Him? It’s simple right, just pray about it and wait on an answer. Here’s the thing, no one wants the simple answer, they feel that life should be harder than it is. You know what I am really afraid of? Waking up at the age of forty with a family to support and a job I hate but need to pay the bills. I thought I knew what I wanted in life, now I know I don’t have a clue. I like to write, I am strong in my faith, I like working with kids, and I like baseball. So what I can do, be paid to be me? I pray that someday God will show me who I am going to be, I wouldn’t mind a neon sign every now and then. I wrote a few weeks ago how great Holy Cross has been for my faith because being on my own has forced me to trust God more. Well I never thought how true my words would really be! One more thing I’ve noticed, it has caused me to be more honest. I don’t have anyone to hide behind anymore, it’s just God and me now, and no one else I can rely on. I don’t know what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but I do know one thing: I have faith in God, who has a plan for me, and if I listen for His voice I will live out that plan.

Did They Win?

Unfortunately due to the increased workload and lack of a T.V. I have not been able to watch much of the Sox lately. However, that changed last night when I went to a game with my uncle and a friend. All I can say is I feel out of the loop. Never have I seen Fenway Park so angry, the whole place (which was ¾ full) buzzed like a swarm of bees. Yeah Lackey was terrible, but even in the offensive surge there were few cheers. In April or May when Lowrie hit that bomb to left there would have been music playing and everyone would have stood up clapping. Instead the ballpark remained silent, as if 3 runs weren’t good enough. I remember in April when I went to Beckett’s 2^nd start of the season, when he pitched 7 or 8 innings and shut down the Jays. Now that was a game, that was excitement. Last night it felt like someone let the air out of the bag, it was like all of Fenway was punched in the gut and still reeling back. All I can say is that if the Sox are going to keep on winning they need the support of the fans, they need the atmosphere that makes Fenway truly magical, not just another ballpark. 2^nd, it’s just a baseball game, whatever happened to the simple joy of getting a sausage and pepper sandwich, a coke, a box of cracker jack, and watching the game? Win or lose the Sox are my team, any game I get a chance to go to is a blessing (and an excuse not to do work).

New Questions to Ask

Whew what a weekend. Who knew that in addition to academics I’d also be learning a ton about myself, that’s the idea of life isn’t it? Anyway I digress. When confronted with suffering I used to feel a need to explain it, a rational discourse on why God allowed x, y, and z to happen in my life. Now I realize that there isn’t always an explanation for why, but we must instead ask the question where and what. “Where God, are you in this?” “What God, do you want me to do with this?” I went through a couple of tough losses last summer (2010), and I have to admit, I became bitter. I was angry and indignant. “Why should this happen to me?” I asked, I felt that I deserved better. Well now I’ve realized something, while I cannot explain what happened last year, I can use it for God’s glory and the good of others. Through my experience I now know how to pray for those in similar situations, I now know what to say to those who are hurting, because of what happened to me I can be a better friend, brother, and more importantly a better man of God. While God didn’t give me the miracle I wanted, He did rebuild my life, and make me into someone so much better than I was. The tears of pain I shed last year are now tears of joy. Tears that express my joy and love in the Lord, how happy I am now that everything is all right, and that I am closer to Him because of it. While there may not always be a reason as to why, there is always an answer to the questions “where” and “what.”

Prayer

I would like to take this time to write a prayer for all those affected by the disaster on 9/11/01. It is easy to get sucked into the petty things of life, the Red Sox, quiz grades, bickering with the people around you. Yet at times like this we realize that there has to be something more to life than the day to day that we go through. A friend said that even though we have a capacity for evil, we also have a capacity for love, and because of that God will always win in the end. I pray for those affected, whether you lost a family member, friend, or just someone you knew. I pray that God give us strength, and hope, so that we might rise above this and go forth in His name. I pray that through this God show us His grander purpose, that though the devil devastated our lives God show us how He plans to shine through. I pray that we never forget that a life lived in Christ, no matter how long or short, is a life lived rich in meaning, and that is all that really matters. I pray that God comfort those who mourn, and that they find strength in God. Also, I pray that we come together as brothers and sisters, one body, under Christ. Amen.

Did I Hear You Right?

Finally finding some down time I thought to myself, why not write a blog post? So here I am. I enjoyed an overnight retreat through the campus ministry and had some time to reflect and have a few posts I want to write. This one has been on my mind for a while, and so here it goes. I wrote a post called “We’ve got to come together” about how the catholic and protestant churches need to come together as one church under one God, and for some reason they never do. While I love the ministry at Holy Cross, I got into an interesting discussion with one of the chaplains. I was talking about getting involved and going to Mass, but was told that because I am technically Presbyterian (even though I am baptized Catholic) I cannot take communion. I was shocked, it was like someone slapped me, threw water at me, and slapped me again. ‘Not take communion, what do you mean!’ I thought to myself. I was then told I could “at my own discretion.” Here’s my reasoning, after I die I sincerely hope to be welcomed into the kingdom of God and once there sit in company of Jesus, my Lord and Savior, and eat with Him. If I will eat with Him then, why shouldn’t I be allowed to eat with Him now? God is my Savior and Lord, and under His law I live my life, to not take communion (despite me being a believer) I feel would be more wrong than taking it in a church I am not a member. We are one body in Christ and must eat with our Savior as one body. No exclusions, no blessings, just everyone sitting at the feet of Jesus and following His command “take and eat.” He didn’t say “take and eat, but only if you follow this church…” No, in John 17:20-21 Jesus prays “I pray also for those who believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.” No division, no exclusions, just one big happy family. Until then the church can never fully carry out the work that our Lord gave us before He left.

1st Post at HC

So far my time at Holy Cross has been very good, a few notes though on my spirituality. When away from home there are always endless temptations and sorrows. I miss my family, dogs, and home cooking. I have no one to tell me when I’m wrong, when to go to bed, or when to go to church. Despite all this I have found that I am growing closer to God, not farther away. The fact that I am, for the most part, on my own means that I must rely so much more on God than before. When I was at home I relied on my parents for support, and my own strength as well. Here, there is no one to rely on by God. I’m not sure whether it is the spiritual presence that God has here, or that fact that I need Him more, but the past few days have been a spiritual rise for me. I know full well that, as always, the devil will do everything he can to trip me up and take me from God’s hands, but I also know this, nothing can ever separate me from the love of God or take away my faith. I will face disappointment, pain, and heartache as time goes on, but what I won’t experience is the loss of God’s light and the hope for His presence in my life. My blogging will subside as the school year continues, I am used to posting 10, sometimes 15 times a month. It is my fear that the average may decline down to 5-10. Either way it has been an incredible ride and the journey has just begun. For now, I have some homework that must be attended to.

Last Post at Home

Here I am, at my desk, waiting until tomorrow morning when I can go to Holy Cross. Aside from all the sentimental stuff (for the lack of a better word) I can write, really, are a simple prayer and one lone observation. First the observation. A lot has happened to me over the past few years. I asked God for an inch and he gave me a mile, or make that 1,000,000,000… you get the point right? While I may fail to reach the perfection demanded by a perfect God, while like Peter I may leave other second guessing (and even myself), while the devil actively does all that he can to tear me apart from my Creator I know one thing. I will never lose faith, and certainly not hope. If my faith wasn’t strong enough for the mustard seeds I would have lost in long before now. I learned a lot about faith, hope, and love. The most important thing I learned to do is hold on, when life starts whipping you back and forth, you hold on to what you have, the sincere belief in an all powerful God, and you will come out the victor. One verse I especially feel is pertinent to this post is Romans 8:38-39 “Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” Key word there, nothing, nothing can separate us from God’s love; nothing can cause God to give us up. Now for the prayer. Lord, I just want to take this time to thank you for everything that I have. Not just the “stuff” and material things, but bigger things too. Thanks for my family, my dad, and also my mom whom I never thank enough for all she does for me. Thanks for my sisters, and my dogs too. Thank you for being there when I needed you, and even when I didn’t realize my need for your presence. Thank you for getting me here, thanks for giving me faith, hope, and love, all of which I needed and still need. I don’t ask for fame or fortune in my life, no, instead I ask that over the next four years, and years to come, that I grow in my faith, become more like you, and walk in your footsteps. More than anything else Lord, of my life I want it to be said that I followed You, please give me the strength and wisdom to do so. Thank you Father for the gifts I have been given, it is my one desire to not put them to waste. In Jesus’ name Amen.

They Will Be Missed

Here’s a list of things I will miss while at Holy Cross

1) Waking up in my own bed in the morning.

2) Hugging my dogs at breakfast.

3) Watching the Red Sox in the comfortable recliner chair.

4) Homemade Italian food.

5) My family (have to throw that in there).

6) Cooking in my kitchen.

7) Having tons of free time to blog.

8) Walking in at the end of the day to the smell of dinner.

9) Playing baseball.

10) Last but definitely not least, going to my church every Sunday morning and seeing all my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Reflections

One week until I embark on a new journey, college life at Holy Cross. As I sat in my last service at Newton Presbyterian Church I could not help but reflect on the last seven years of my Christian life, July of 2005 being the year I decided to give my life to Jesus. There are many who “don’t get it” with me, some more who made fun of me, either in public or private. To them I have nothing to say other than that it is through my faith I found my life. God saved my life, literally He did, I have no idea where I would be now, but I certainly wouldn’t be typing at this computer preparing to go to Holy Cross if God didn’t intervene. While the theologic (my new word) of faith is much more complicated than that, there is my basic reasoning, God took a selfish, angry, and hopeless boy and miraculously turned him into the man I am today. I have my faults, doubts, and blemishes. But I am not lacking hope, faith, joy, or love. I have my fears for the future; fears about college debts, what I’m going to do, whether to have a family, the trials that come with having a family…. I finally realized I will grow up and become an adult; my question is what kind of an adult? I could only hope to be like my own father, I mean he did okay with me didn’t he? One reason though I needn’t have fear is this. A lot has happened to me over the course of my life, in some instances it feels like I’ve been to hell and back, yet one constant remains, that is God. No matter what happens to me, whether I become rich or poor, married or alone, successful or a tremendous failure, I know God will be right by my side giving me strength for ever challenge or ordeal. No matter what life or the devil throws at me I know God is there, never leaving me completely on my own. God says to Joshua before he leads the Israelites out of the desert “be strong and courageous for I am with you” or something to the effect. I know firsthand that this is true, there is nothing to fear for I know God has taken me out of the dust and brought me life and will continue to lead me wherever I go.

Follow The Call

I once used the phrase “God is making me eat my words right now.” While I doubt that God would do something as course as that, He certainly does challenge us to be better people and come closer to Him. My lack of posting energy can be attributed towards that. There are two verses that used to challenge me, and as I read through The Cost of Discipleship they come back into view. The first one is Romans 6: 1-2 “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” The next verse is James 2:14 “What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?” Bonhoeffer writes a lot about two suppositions, one is that those who obey have faith, and two is that those who have faith obey. They work together as a circle, but alone are two extremes, the latter being more dangerous as it leads to “cheap” grace. My question has always been this, what can I do to get God’s grace, and can I ever lose it? The answer, I am finding, is simple (only in terms of length), to get God’s grace we need only to respond to Christ’s call to follow Him (thus Bonhoeffer’s obedience leads to faith). While we cannot ever lose God’s love we can lose His influence in our lives. Lately I’ve come to realize that I was relying on “cheap” grace. I was finding consolation in the fact that “it’s okay because God still loves me.” One thing I’ve realized though is this, it’s not okay. Whether you call someone names or steal thousands from a bank, it’s not okay because the effects and consequences are still there, not only those who are harmed but us too. Grace, as Bonhoeffer puts it, justifies the sinner, yet through God’s perfection it condemns the sin. Paul writes later in Romans that we are “dead to sin and alive to Christ.” That is what the true Christian life is about. I used to think that a Christian is no different than any other man except he is forgiven, that couldn’t be more wrong. To follow Jesus’ call means dropping what your doing and following Him. It’s hard, it was hard to give up baseball, and it’s hard to forgive the past, but the end result in communion with God is far sweeter than any homerun.

The Price is Right

Well I am back sooner than promised, which I suppose is a good thing. Honestly I was going through a rough time in my faith and didn’t feel like writing, but then again, if it’s not hard it’s not real, if I had no problems then I would have something to worry about. Back to the post; you know a book is good when you read the first two pages and already have something to write about. I’ve been reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a minister during WWII. Bonhoeffer was killed in a concentration camp in 1945, sadly as the war was ending. That doesn’t make his life wasted though, as I said, even if we die young we die with purpose and that is really all that matters. What struck me is the initial distinction between “cheap grace” and “costly grace.” Bonhoeffer writes that cheap grace justifies the sin while costly grace justifies the sinner. I can’t agree more. Too often in the modern church we shy away from God’s perfection and our contrasting sin. We say “Oh of course it’s all right” to a number of sins, instead of admitting we are wrong. For a long time I have been doing this and it finally caught up with me, sometimes you need to see the consequences of your sin to realize it is wrong. Bonhoeffer’s point isn’t “we are evil and are going to hell” no he very much emphasizes God’s love and grace. His point is that grace is not without cost. That we cannot use it to justify our sins, instead justify ourselves before God. In no way is sin ever “good”, but by God’s grace we can be. As I continue reading there will be more to write and it will probably be clearer and better thought out. Until then enjoy the all-too quickly fading summer.

So, what do I write about?

So, as for observations go I have few so far. There has been a lot on my mind though, just nothing in written form, or close to written form just yet. I will start reading The Cost of Discipleship on my continuous search for answers. One thing has been made very clear, without God I am nothing, and the harder I try to be "good" the farther I fall. That's the meaning of grace though isn't it? Just a quick thought,  something that has been on my mind.

Road Work Ahead

Unfortunately my blogging efforts may continue to be stalled. Call it writer's block, whatever it is I have it and until then won't be writing much. August always was my best month for blogging, sure stinks that it is the month this year that I find myself with the inability to write consistently.

The Natural?

So, here’s another random post. Long story short I’m not on the Cape, so I’ve got some down time to write. I just finished reading The Natural, it is one of my favorite movies so I thought why not read the book. Another long story short, the movie is nothing like the book. The Roy Hobbs in the movie is brave, courageous, forgiving, and selfless. The Roy Hobbs of the book is selfish, angry, resentful, and a womanizer. He even took the judge’s money and fixed the game by striking out to end it! My first thought was that I liked the movie better. Then my second was that they set up an interesting contrast, and because everything in my life goes back to God, here we go. Roy Hobbs (book) is a real character, while Roy Hobbs (movie) isn’t (aren’t all Hollywood movies like that?). The Roy Hobbs of the book shows us that no matter your talent, fame, or fortune, without God you are nothing. Sounds harsh right, but it’s true. Roy loses it all, fame, glory, love, only to realize at the end he is alone. Roy had it all, but lost it all when he let greed instead of God take over. In church today we talked about the parable Jesus told of the guy with the vineyard who paid everyone equally despite the fact they worked different hours (imagine working 12 hours to make the same amount a guy worked 2 hours for). Anyway the thing is this, the guy who worked all day was asking for justice, well if God were to give us all justice we certainly wouldn’t be going to Heaven. Wait, Tay Tay say what? That’s right, if God were to give me justice no way could I stand before Him deserving Heaven, it is by His grace that I am allowed in. Without God we aren’t much, I’m just another kid from Boston trying to make sense of the world, but with Him we can be extraordinary, a creation with a relationship and purpose from the Creator.  Maybe the book wasn’t that bad, the reason we didn’t like it was because it acted as a mirror upon ourselves.

I Need A Vacation

While I would like to continue riding the tidal wave of blog posts from July into August, I will be in the Cape for the next week and a half. So until then I'll get some rest, fish and chips, and unfortunately put my blogging on hold. I'll make up for it when I get back though. Until then God bless and enjoy the remainder of the summer.

Red Sox Update

Don’t look now but I’m writing a sports post. For some reason I haven’t written much on sports, maybe it’s the fact that I’m focusing more energy on God, or maybe there is less to be said. Either way I’m writing now. Anyone notice that the Yankees are one game behind the Red Sox? I don’t know about you but I for one think that it is hard to believe and cause for concern. The Yankees really aren’t that good of a team, let’s be honest outside of Texiara, Cano, Granderson, and Swisher they don’t have much of an offense. The Sox beat them all around and their pitching leaves much to be desired. So how are they only a game behind? Lester’s return couldn’t have come at a better time (I think that’s why the swapped him with Bedard in the rotation) the Sox need a good pitching staff and need to win games. This series versus the Yankees could be a defining moment in the season. They have the opportunity to sink the Yanks back into the division or fall behind for the first time in months. The Yankees aren’t going to disappear, and unless the Red Sox turn it on like they did in June and July then they will fall behind. Bedard’s success is crucial, the Sox need a 3^rd started because Lackey has shown that he won’t cut it when it counts. A 1-2-3 will be needed when your 4-5 have shown an inability to be consistent and dominant. 

This Could Only Happen To Me

So here’s my first random post in quite some time, then again this a random blog so the name demands it. I was visiting a friend in Boston the other day and took the T in. I always loved taking the T because you see the most interesting people you’d ever meet; some people bring books to read but I like to stay alert. Anyway, I was waiting for the outbound train to go home and there was a man playing the guitar and singing. A homeless (I presume) man sat down next to me and told me that the man needed to tune his guitar. We soon got to talking and had a nice conversation while I waited for my train. It turned out that he was on the same train so I walked down the car to where he was sitting and started talking to him. You won’t believe this, he told me “No, I don’t do that, this day is closed” and wouldn’t talk to me. On one hand I got blown off by a homeless guy, on the other I now have yet another interesting story to add to my collection. Then I had another thought, I was thinking about that book Tattoos on the Heart and the Jesuit saying of “seeing God in all things” and that very often (as a man in the book said) God is the person right in front of you. I could have blown that man off, instead I chose to listen, I saw God in him.  Jesus said that whenever you do something for the homeless, those in prison, or widows you do it for him, so I was glad that I had an opportunity to show one person that they are cared for. Still, I wish I didn’t get blown off.

More on Jonah

Didn’t think I’d be writing about Jonah this extensively, but then again, God does speak to us in new ways, so here is yet again another post on the book of Jonah. While the in the belly of the fish (or whale) Jonah prays to God in a psalm (at least, I think it’s a psalm) and in it he says in 2:8 “those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” Pretty powerful stuff right, and also pretty harsh as well. It’s one of those things that you just have to sit back and think about. Think. What am I clinging to, what are you clinging to? Because whatever it is, compared to the grace of God it is worthless. There are so many things out there that we want, acceptance, fame, money, glory, clothes, admiration; the list really can go on and on. Added to that there are just as many ways we go about worshiping those things, and coping with the pain when we don’t get them. But in the end, they are all worthless! Why? That’s my question, why cling, why chase after these things when deep down we know they won’t fill us up, when you actually reach your goal you stop and look back and say “You know, I thought it would feel better than this.” Recently I’ve made a tough decision to “retire” from baseball. Why? Well I made the varsity team, this was my goal for four years, I trained and sweat and pushed myself and despite the odds made it. When I got to the top and looked back I said “You know, for all the work and effort, I thought I’d be happier.” Worthless idol, that’s what it was really, didn’t fill me up and instead left me only wanting more. What are you clinging to in your life? Whatever it is it’s keeping you from the grace of God that is all satisfying. That’s the devil’s whole plan, not like in the movies like The Omen where he goes out and kills people physically. No, instead all he tries to do is get you to put something up that takes the place of God in your life, to trick you into thinking a relationship with God doesn’t require work. That’s it really, to keep us from the grace and love of God that will truly satisfy us. I say this, don’t let him, cast those idols down and run to God and accept His love in its purest form. Don’t pull a Jonah and wait for a whale to swallow you to make you realize what you’re missing.

Flashback of Sorts

So I had a flashback of sorts to last year tonight, although, I think de ja vu is a better term. Today I went with my father and a friend to a Bible study at a juvenile detention center. The flashback was to my trip to Belize where I worked with kids on a three-gang street. Pretty much all these kids came from a rough life, did something wrong, and ended up in jail for it. Some of them realized that and desired to change their lives and get back to God, that’s where I come in. I have to admit I was nervous, going to a detention facility can be that way, added to that I felt out of place considering I’ve had a pretty good life and am on the “right track.” Here’s the amazing thing, I’m not sure if it was God’s voice or not but the minute I sat down at the table with the two young men who were attending I thought to myself “I will see both of these guys in Heaven.” I thought to myself ‘where’d that come from, out of all the thoughts racing through my head why this one?’ Then it hit me, before God we’re all equal, I’m no better, no more loved, and no less loved than these young men. It doesn’t matter who I am, where I’m from, or what I’ve done God will always love me just as much as the next guy. We were reading the book of Jonah; you know the one with the guy and the whale (or fish). Anyway the part that really struck out to me was this; Jonah was self righteous, he didn’t want to preach to the people of Nineveh because he thought he was better than them. The people of Nineveh were sinful and when faced with God’s judgment asked for forgiveness. Here’s the thing, both need God’s grace, Jonah may be a prophet but he is still far from God and the people of Nineveh may be sinful but are not too far gone from God’s love. So then my revelation made perfect sense, both I and the men with me were in the same boat, we needed God’s grace, we saw a need, we got our need fulfilled. I pray to God that I will keep my faith and these young men will too and we may see each other again. If that was God’s voice all I can say is thank you for being clear, I could certainly get used to it.

Be Yourself

Here’s another lesson learned from Tattoos on the Heart and also from life. I have to admit, lately I’ve been feeling drained. I haven’t been as close to God as I once was and the effect has not been very good on me. I went to a boxing class the other day and this morning had a flashback to last year in Belize when I “boxed” with a bunch of little kids in the city. They had a blast, throwing punches at me, jumping on my back putting me in a headlock, it was the most fun I could ever have in 100-degree weather. Then it hit me, I know what I love to do, so why am I going into college not following the heart God put in me, but instead following expectations of the world? What I love is to write (obviously), I like law and might go to law school, and I love working with kids. What I am going into college expecting to take are “practical courses.” Then I realized something, I’ve got one life to live here on earth and a few gifts given to me by God, it is my job to find out what they are and to use them for His glory. For some people one path may be right, but it isn’t right for me, I know what God gave me a passion for, what’s wrong with simply following it? What am I waiting for, job security, success? Well success isn’t always measured in results; often it can be measured in joy and how close I am to God. If what brings me to God is reading books, studying law, and speaking Italian then I better get a move on and do those things. For so long we try to be something we’re not, when all God ever made us to be was ourselves.

When Will You Decide

I started this post, but it came off as weak and lame, so here is take two, from the top. This summer for me has been all about faith, not the question as to whether or not I believe, but how to add a spark to my faith, to make it alive. It is easy to get bogged down in religion, whoa there; yes I said it is easy to get bogged down in religion. Religion is a list of rules and creeds, believe this, do this, bada bing, bada boom, there you go. But the thing is this, religion is boring, and generally makes you feel bad. I hate that feeling I get when I realize I messed up, yeah according to the book of Leviticus I’m not doing too well. Lately I’ve been reading Micah, one of the minor prophets (minor as in size, not content), and in chapter 6 God’s going on about what He wants of us. Verse 8 says “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” Not, be perfect, not give me your best animals or your firstborn, just follow my lead. I was bored out of my mind today, I had no one to talk to and had tons of work to get done. Then it hit me, just like how we desire relationships with other people, God wants a relationship with us. He doesn’t want us to follow a bunch of rules, He wants to talk with us, hear us, and have us listen to Him. So, how do we do that, well we’ve got to live like Him, become like Him, and know Him. Only a friend can recognize a friend, and so we need to know God like a friend. That is where the changes need to start, when you accept God in your life a few minor changes may take place (sometimes major ones) but most of the work is in our hands, we’ve got to change ourselves, God can’t do it for us. In Tattoos on the Heart Greg Boyle recounts a conversation with a former gang member in which he is asked when the violence will stop, his response was when you decide. When will I decide to change, when will I welcome Jesus’ call and step out of the boat, when will I rise to the occasion and fulfill God’s plan for me? God can’t answer that, in fact no one can, only I can. A relationship takes work, effort, and sacrifice, but the results are sweet and overwhelming. Talk is easy, it’s actions that speak out, I decide.

Top Ten So Far

Here's the top ten biggest surprises about the Sox thus far.

1) They'd actually be able to win 100 games assuming they continue playing this well.
2) Beckett's ERA would be under 3.
3) Ellsbury would be 3rd in home runs on the team.
4) Even more, he has more home runs than A-Roid.
5) Adrian Gonzalez is the next Ted Williams, no surprise for me here.
6) Carl Crawford started off looking like Theo's biggest mistake, give him time he'll get better.
7) Pap only blew one save, his ERA on the other hand, that was expected.
8) Ortiz is better than last year, who knew?
9) Dice-K is still on the team somewhere, we're still looking for him.
10) Manny failed a drug test and promptly retired, yeah he's not on the Sox but c'mon, it was a shock.

Confession

As I sit in church I’ve always had this thought, and now in light of my reading the Spiritual Exercises I feel it almost unavoidable. One thing I’ve noticed in my church, while I still love it, is that they don’t really give you much time for confession. The Catholic Church has always been criticized for focusing too much on our sins, and I think the Protestant church may be guilty of not focusing enough. While it is wrong to say that in God’s eyes we are worthless and are not able to receive His love because of it, it is equally wrong, and perhaps more so, to say that we deserve His gift of salvation. Looking back on my life I can see that I stopped deserving God’s love rather early, hey, didn’t we all. There’s no one on earth who is perfect, not even Mother Theresa for all she did deserves Heaven. At one time or another she acted in a way that is not compatible with God’s perfection and glory. If even Mother Theresa isn’t deserving, how much so am I. That is where grace comes in, and that is where true appreciation of God’s love also comes in. It’s not that I took Jesus’ sacrifice for granted, but I guess I just forgot how imperfect and undeserving of it I am. You can say all you want about this post, how I’m focusing too much on guilt, how we’re redeemed, and you’re right, when we accept Jesus and His gift of life we are redeemed before God. Yet, the only thing that can really stop a man from getting help is when he refuses to acknowledge a need for it. So what am I saying, that instead of 60 seconds confessions should be 90? No, that’s to specific, but if it weren’t such a rush, if it were more of the focus of our worship then that would be better. Not to mean that all church should be is praying for forgiveness, but true worship of God, where similes include adoration, reverence, love, and devotion, demands that we truly focus on His perfection and our imperfection, and His love for us despite the contrast. Then and only then can we truly appreciate and understand what God did for us so that we may enjoy a life with Him, and more importantly for Him.

Water Balloons and Whales

Today, or rather, this evening I was filling water balloons. Why is not very important, my job is a camp counselor and because of the heat we need them, so I needed to make a lot. This post isn’t going to be about water balloons though, well, it will be but I hope that isn’t the main point you get out of it. Yesterday I filled up about 80, today I made 155 in half the time. No this isn’t a math problem, I filled the balloons up yesterday with a sort of squirt gun, but upon seeing it broke I first threw it (yeah, not my best moment) then looked at the hose, which had a “jet” setting perfect for filling….water balloons. So, why bore you with this story? Well, I got to thinking, lately I’ve faced some disappointment in my life. I’m the kind of guy who likes to make a plan and follow it, if things don’t go right I get thrown off, who doesn’t right? Then, as I filled my water balloons I realized something, maybe what I really need is to step back and approach things in a new way. Maybe my way is the wrong way, the tedious way, and God’s way is better. Not just faster or more successful but more fulfilling, more of what I need. I just finished Jonah, and one thing that jumped out is that Jonah basically said “Nah God, I’m going my own way, thanks but no thanks.” God’s reply couldn’t be clearer, and sometimes I wish a whale would swallow me when I make the wrong decision. But that doesn’t happen, I live a good hour from the coast, and God isn’t always that clear. I get so wrapped up on “doing the right thing” when maybe instead I should focus on listening to and obeying what God has to say, think about it, will He ever tell me to do the wrong thing?

Bridges, Decisions, and Whatnot

You know, I think the scariest time in anyone’s life is when they take a good long look at themselves and realize that they aren’t a kid anymore. I used to joke that I’d never change, that I’d be fifty and still be the same old Tay Tay, still love baseball, still use bad grammar, and still make the same bad jokes. I’ve realized something though, I’m not the same as I was a month ago, but that doesn’t mean I’m not me. Lately, I think, I’ve matured a bit. I’ve come to realize that actions have consequences, that there are more important things in life to care about, and that ultimately I need to make the right decisions because they won’t be made for me. It’s scary; it’s frightening to think that the decisions I make now could affect me years later. I made a decision to go to Holy Cross, that will affect what friends I make, what job I get out of college, and who I marry. Now, I’m making a decision about whether to join NROTC, or Navy Reserve Officer Training Corps. It’s a big decision, it will affect me, but you know what I needn’t be afraid. God was with me my whole life and will be with me wherever I go. If it works out it is God’s plan, if it doesn’t then it just wasn’t for me. At times like these, when you’re staring at the edge of a big river to cross, you gotta trust God to show you where the right bridge is. (sorry for the cliché).