Posts on Biblical thoughts will come soon, for now here
is another quick reflective post to build off of my previous one. It’s weird to
start from the beginning again, eight years have gone by and I’m still at
square one, but I guess that’s the exciting part about life, it’s always a
journey and anything can happen.
I guess I had better start things off right as I continue
on my journey, and that means going back to God, where it all began.
My family has been going through a crisis
lately, I’ll just come right out and say it. Things have not been what they
should be and it has caused me to start asking a lot of questions, only to find
out I had very few answers. In my pride I thought I was on top of it all; it’s
amazing, you memorize a few dozen Bible verses, write a blog on theology, and
you think you’re all set. Nope, God allowed a massive hurt into my life and I
found myself struggling to explain it away in a neat little theological
package. I found a great amount of satisfaction from my former pride, I was on
top, I was the “golden boy” the American dream; smart, athletic, God-fearing,
but then one thing came my way, and I met my match.
To put it simply, I’m a 19 year old kid, that’s all. I
have no power, no strength, nothing apart from God. The more I try to build
myself up as some sort of superman who can beat anything, the more I hurt
myself. So please pray for me, wherever you are whatever you are doing. Right
now I’m admitting I do not have a handle on everything in my life, and I
readily admit that I need God to fix this mess that I have become tied into. I
think that was the hardest thing for me, I always wanted to believe that I was
stronger, better, faster than anything that came my way. I thought that in
reading the Bible and going to church I could kick down anything in my way, but
I can’t because at the end of the day I’m just a kid.
Eight years ago I prayed to God that I would give my life
to Him and follow Him, well I guess I need to remember what that promise means.
Our lives are not our own, no matter how hard we may try to force our own plans
or perceptions of how things should be, we can’t forget that we are not the
ones writing our story, God is. In a way I’m glad about what happened, sure the
pain was too much to bear at times, but through it God was able to show me just
how proud I really am, and how far I am from the man He wants me to be. Maybe
instead of fighting it and reverting to anger I should just let Him take
control, and let His healing hands make a new heart in me. I’ll have to give a
lot of things up but they are worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment