Here we Go

There are two weeks between today and the day my fall semester begins. Round two at Holy Cross, hopefully I can have a better year than my last. The start of school also means that the wheels must be in motion in my plan to reinstate FCA. FCA was a failing club last year, and now it is my job to get it back on track. All my life I prayed that God would give me the ability to lead, to share His word; now that I finally am getting that chance all sorts of doubts have clouded my mind. My faith is unwavering, I may stumble but never so much as I did three summers ago. I doubt myself though: I doubt my character and my readiness. I’m imperfect, very imperfect. Surely there must be someone, well, better than me for this job. I spend this summer in contemplation and an attempt to grow closer to God. All that has changed is that I have seen my faults more clearly than before. I see the time I wasted chasing meaningless things, the greed that prevents me from being truly generous, and the resistance to forgiveness that keeps me from being truly joyful. If anything, it is extremely humbling that God picked me. He knew I’d have all these challenges (even though I didn’t at the time). He still picked me, which astounds me. We’re never ready for the call, Bonheoffer makes that clear in The Cost of Discipleship, but that’s the point isn’t it? Who of us is truly prepared for the moment when God call us to be something greater? I’m nowhere near prepared for what God is calling me to do. I am timid, thoughtful, and whatever the opposite of charismatic is. Yet I am in a position that requires all those qualities and more. It is my simple prayer that God will guide me and give me the strength. All throughout history God has used the most unlikely people to serve His grand purpose. If I can count myself one of those then I am truly blessed.