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Here I am, at my desk, waiting until tomorrow morning when I can go to Holy Cross. Aside from all the sentimental stuff (for the lack of a better word) I can write, really, are a simple prayer and one lone observation. First the observation. A lot has happened to me over the past few years. I asked God for an inch and he gave me a mile, or make that 1,000,000,000… you get the point right? While I may fail to reach the perfection demanded by a perfect God, while like Peter I may leave other second guessing (and even myself), while the devil actively does all that he can to tear me apart from my Creator I know one thing. I will never lose faith, and certainly not hope. If my faith wasn’t strong enough for the mustard seeds I would have lost in long before now. I learned a lot about faith, hope, and love. The most important thing I learned to do is hold on, when life starts whipping you back and forth, you hold on to what you have, the sincere belief in an all powerful God, and you will come out the victor. One verse I especially feel is pertinent to this post is Romans 8:38-39 “Yes, I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor ruling spirits, nothing now, nothing in the future, no powers, nothing above us, nothing below us, nor anything else in the world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” Key word there, nothing, nothing can separate us from God’s love; nothing can cause God to give us up. Now for the prayer. Lord, I just want to take this time to thank you for everything that I have. Not just the “stuff” and material things, but bigger things too. Thanks for my family, my dad, and also my mom whom I never thank enough for all she does for me. Thanks for my sisters, and my dogs too. Thank you for being there when I needed you, and even when I didn’t realize my need for your presence. Thank you for getting me here, thanks for giving me faith, hope, and love, all of which I needed and still need. I don’t ask for fame or fortune in my life, no, instead I ask that over the next four years, and years to come, that I grow in my faith, become more like you, and walk in your footsteps. More than anything else Lord, of my life I want it to be said that I followed You, please give me the strength and wisdom to do so. Thank you Father for the gifts I have been given, it is my one desire to not put them to waste. In Jesus’ name Amen.

They Will Be Missed

Here’s a list of things I will miss while at Holy Cross

1) Waking up in my own bed in the morning.

2) Hugging my dogs at breakfast.

3) Watching the Red Sox in the comfortable recliner chair.

4) Homemade Italian food.

5) My family (have to throw that in there).

6) Cooking in my kitchen.

7) Having tons of free time to blog.

8) Walking in at the end of the day to the smell of dinner.

9) Playing baseball.

10) Last but definitely not least, going to my church every Sunday morning and seeing all my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Reflections

One week until I embark on a new journey, college life at Holy Cross. As I sat in my last service at Newton Presbyterian Church I could not help but reflect on the last seven years of my Christian life, July of 2005 being the year I decided to give my life to Jesus. There are many who “don’t get it” with me, some more who made fun of me, either in public or private. To them I have nothing to say other than that it is through my faith I found my life. God saved my life, literally He did, I have no idea where I would be now, but I certainly wouldn’t be typing at this computer preparing to go to Holy Cross if God didn’t intervene. While the theologic (my new word) of faith is much more complicated than that, there is my basic reasoning, God took a selfish, angry, and hopeless boy and miraculously turned him into the man I am today. I have my faults, doubts, and blemishes. But I am not lacking hope, faith, joy, or love. I have my fears for the future; fears about college debts, what I’m going to do, whether to have a family, the trials that come with having a family…. I finally realized I will grow up and become an adult; my question is what kind of an adult? I could only hope to be like my own father, I mean he did okay with me didn’t he? One reason though I needn’t have fear is this. A lot has happened to me over the course of my life, in some instances it feels like I’ve been to hell and back, yet one constant remains, that is God. No matter what happens to me, whether I become rich or poor, married or alone, successful or a tremendous failure, I know God will be right by my side giving me strength for ever challenge or ordeal. No matter what life or the devil throws at me I know God is there, never leaving me completely on my own. God says to Joshua before he leads the Israelites out of the desert “be strong and courageous for I am with you” or something to the effect. I know firsthand that this is true, there is nothing to fear for I know God has taken me out of the dust and brought me life and will continue to lead me wherever I go.

Follow The Call

I once used the phrase “God is making me eat my words right now.” While I doubt that God would do something as course as that, He certainly does challenge us to be better people and come closer to Him. My lack of posting energy can be attributed towards that. There are two verses that used to challenge me, and as I read through The Cost of Discipleship they come back into view. The first one is Romans 6: 1-2 “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” The next verse is James 2:14 “What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?” Bonhoeffer writes a lot about two suppositions, one is that those who obey have faith, and two is that those who have faith obey. They work together as a circle, but alone are two extremes, the latter being more dangerous as it leads to “cheap” grace. My question has always been this, what can I do to get God’s grace, and can I ever lose it? The answer, I am finding, is simple (only in terms of length), to get God’s grace we need only to respond to Christ’s call to follow Him (thus Bonhoeffer’s obedience leads to faith). While we cannot ever lose God’s love we can lose His influence in our lives. Lately I’ve come to realize that I was relying on “cheap” grace. I was finding consolation in the fact that “it’s okay because God still loves me.” One thing I’ve realized though is this, it’s not okay. Whether you call someone names or steal thousands from a bank, it’s not okay because the effects and consequences are still there, not only those who are harmed but us too. Grace, as Bonhoeffer puts it, justifies the sinner, yet through God’s perfection it condemns the sin. Paul writes later in Romans that we are “dead to sin and alive to Christ.” That is what the true Christian life is about. I used to think that a Christian is no different than any other man except he is forgiven, that couldn’t be more wrong. To follow Jesus’ call means dropping what your doing and following Him. It’s hard, it was hard to give up baseball, and it’s hard to forgive the past, but the end result in communion with God is far sweeter than any homerun.

The Price is Right

Well I am back sooner than promised, which I suppose is a good thing. Honestly I was going through a rough time in my faith and didn’t feel like writing, but then again, if it’s not hard it’s not real, if I had no problems then I would have something to worry about. Back to the post; you know a book is good when you read the first two pages and already have something to write about. I’ve been reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a minister during WWII. Bonhoeffer was killed in a concentration camp in 1945, sadly as the war was ending. That doesn’t make his life wasted though, as I said, even if we die young we die with purpose and that is really all that matters. What struck me is the initial distinction between “cheap grace” and “costly grace.” Bonhoeffer writes that cheap grace justifies the sin while costly grace justifies the sinner. I can’t agree more. Too often in the modern church we shy away from God’s perfection and our contrasting sin. We say “Oh of course it’s all right” to a number of sins, instead of admitting we are wrong. For a long time I have been doing this and it finally caught up with me, sometimes you need to see the consequences of your sin to realize it is wrong. Bonhoeffer’s point isn’t “we are evil and are going to hell” no he very much emphasizes God’s love and grace. His point is that grace is not without cost. That we cannot use it to justify our sins, instead justify ourselves before God. In no way is sin ever “good”, but by God’s grace we can be. As I continue reading there will be more to write and it will probably be clearer and better thought out. Until then enjoy the all-too quickly fading summer.

So, what do I write about?

So, as for observations go I have few so far. There has been a lot on my mind though, just nothing in written form, or close to written form just yet. I will start reading The Cost of Discipleship on my continuous search for answers. One thing has been made very clear, without God I am nothing, and the harder I try to be "good" the farther I fall. That's the meaning of grace though isn't it? Just a quick thought,  something that has been on my mind.

Road Work Ahead

Unfortunately my blogging efforts may continue to be stalled. Call it writer's block, whatever it is I have it and until then won't be writing much. August always was my best month for blogging, sure stinks that it is the month this year that I find myself with the inability to write consistently.