Today I was reminded of who I am and where I came from.
It’s amazing, over the past five months I have spiraled down further and
further into a funk that was relentless upon my heart and soul. Yet earlier
today God plunged His hands down into the depths and He pulled me right and put
me back on my own two feet. Today was nothing short of a miracle.
I had planned to talk to FCA about how I’ve spiraled out
of control steadily over the past five months; I planned on saying I was sorry
for letting it get to this point and that I am no longer fit to run FCA. I
planned on saying how I wanted to transfer and leave my problems forever and
fade into a distant memory as my great failures were slowly forgotten.
Basically I wanted to tell them I was a failure and that I had no right leading
them.
Then came today, the last day before my “big
announcement.” I walked into church and was struck in the heart by pure joy.
The pastor changed her message just before saying the Holy Spirit told her to
preach something else, and from then on God took my heart and pumped life back
into it, life that had disappeared for five months. I was gone, gosh I was so
far gone. I had given up on myself, I truly believed I was worthless and
deserved to fall off the radar and disappear from view. That was what I had
planned and I was all but ready to go through with it.
God was not ready to give up on me though, and so His
voice thundered through the chapel as my chaplain pleaded the congregation to
trust in God. I know God was speaking right to me, and for the first time I was
convicted. God pulled me from certain failure eight years ago. I was on a
one-way track to nowhere and God pulled me out and saved my life. I don’t know
why He did what He did, I don’t know what special plan He has for me but I do
know this: He’s not done and He is not ready for me to throw in the towel.
I wanted to give up, I wanted to wallow in my pain and
watch my life go by, but God is not content because He has a much grander plan
for me. God saved me today, He saved me from wasting the rest of my life and
making the mistake of believing I am worthless. Thank you God, thank you so
much because even though I don’t know why you believe in me I know that it is
because there is something you have planned and I will trust in you.
It took a miracle for me to snap out of my five month
funk, and I am so grateful to God for pulling me through. I feel as though I’ve
woken up from a deep sleep, I feel like I am me again. I will have bad days and
I may fall again, but I now know that it is not all for naught, I know that God
is there building me up because there is a good work I will do.
1 comment:
Psalm 91
1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
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